Show Take Vacation by Proxy I I 1 4 1 2 z 2 4 4 1 4 c I Herald Shows Y You ou How p J rj u. u t Q 1 4 4 0 4 Z 4 1 4 4 tol 4 IS Ant Killing Ant Hints Given I THE TIIE summer Is a a great season J. J It Is probably ono one o of the best seasons known to man and should bo be seen to bo ho appreciated It Is at It lh time of the tho glad now year car that hears bears come conic out of their cubby cubby cubby cub cub- by holes and und lock lock lockup up the old hibernator hibernator hiber- hiber for the year ear that mosquitoes pass the merr merry night sharpening their stingers and anel that the landlord raises rents because I Its It's s too darned hot for tor his tenants to protest w Thus Thus you you can recognize tho the golden summertime of which Salt Lake is at present enjoying copious quantities In case caso there are no bears han handy a person can pick nick out the season eason by its lack o of snow and the fact that it is Is somewhat different from other seasons In that p persons r use It as ns a period for vacations Vacation I INow Now comes It Five hundred years a ago o the they used to prosecute em m m on tho the rack Now Jow tho the boss says sas George youve you've been a good sort of guy U around the place this year car howd how'd you ou like ilke to go on a nice little vacation 1 Of or course Its It's all aU right that way way way- when the bO boss bose 3 says sas it Time was when Geor George e would have been fired if hed he'd decided to go 10 on a nice little vacation vacation vacation vaca vaca- tion of his own choosing But nut that pe period period pe- pe nod or of time of-time time has hns been safely tucked awa away with the rest of tho the bottled goods and the only bait a man can take a ishin r now Is worms ji rOnE TORE T. persons this year are arc taking Vi Vacations than over ever before Sil Silver Silver Sil- Sil ver vcr lake at Brighton Is swamped Yellowstone Yellowstone Yel Yel- Is packed and O Ogden den and Provo Prove canyons are so crowded with fishermen a man must needs have a n E double width lino line to be able to get his hook In n edgeways In the streams In vie view 1 of ot huM fact The lI Herald hn hON has n a plan whereby of refinement nan tuny take their vacations without the tue Inconveniences Inconvenience attendant on roughing It In the wet wild Iid woods Read on the on-the the on the scheme follows Are you ou busy Arc Are you simply I rushed to tl death ath with hardly time to toI take your our stenographer to the tho theatre I and your our wife wile to breakfast Does your heart jump seven different different differ differ- lent ent ways was ever every time you look at the clock Are Arc you ou nervous Are Arc you OU In short wondering how In tIme tho name namo of ot the seven mystic veils you OU are going to find an opportunity this year to take tako your vacation Aha Aba something signifies that tho the subject Is interested f c Elti well seIl cU If it your our friends look 1001 nt at V you ou and ond remark otto rotto lotto toce oce hI Poor John lie really needs need n a inca nen II perk rJ iLl up UI The Or I Is h. here If you ou simply t n a vacation vacation- lake it It I If you OU fire nrc too Ion hUH to take lake It your your- our our- self have ha jour man mun take toke It for tor you If you Toll on cant can't spare our share i nrc your hired hand or ur 3 your our second best bent four lIr or someone hut but hUf for J heaven n sake Make I en n ease c jour our In mum II HI n mis worry orr j I If you ou hare hn no rio lifred d man or bent chauffeur look lonk over r your office l do Io the the- p personnel c our ry dirt dirty work ork You never neer liked him taint nn nn WO Let lA-I hint him KU go 0 out omit Into the tue floss and tan tun himself and get mosquito mosquito- bitten and ond hn lc hn Let Iet him drink he thc coffee thc they serve c lit nt those thoNe vacation reso report ri s. s Or If It your our secretary M I is n a Rood good scout surely you jou ou laic ho Nome ume poor but ill lug liiK relative c c cI I N taking ones one's ac vacation b by proxy I IN 1 however great groat care should be exercIsed exercised exer exer- CiSel In pointing out to ones one's representative representative taUvo ones one's personal wishes In the matter Tell him exactly what kind O of vacation vacation vaca vaca- tion you OU wish ISea J I Sea voyages are arc bracing b but It not particularly fattening The mountains are enjoyable but so aro arc many other places Tho The benches beaches aro are exciting tho wa waves veil n are re so 80 wild Suit yourself about this matter but Impress upon your man that he should hould follow your our wishes to the finest de do- tail Dont Don't let your our friends s have oc occasion occasion occasion oc- oc casion to sn say Theres old John Smiths Smith's vacation man outing eating pie with witha a knife Outline carefully cardull to him your our choice In in camping spots beverages be un underwear underwear under under- ur- ur wear whether you prefer a n nell smell hook No 8 S to a n No 10 whether your In bathing suits suit runs to salmon pink or Irish emerald Be lie explicit eXI And then thon let George e do It Give him tho the time tables and the suit cases and your oUr golf sticks HUcks and your our hatbox and pat him on the back bid him godspeed Then Therm bottle Hottle back In comfort turn on tho the cold water fill the tho bathtub bath bath- j tub full of ot Ice turn on the tho electric I I fan tan and with your our favorite book under your nose enjoy yourself t jc IF you have trouble in finding a man manI manto manto IF 11 I to tako your our vacation dont don't stop atop there If It a man refuses bribe brile him I If he still holds out threaten leaving him out of ot your will Coerce him It may be bo difficult but in the the end it will he be worth it It Think of the tho poor devils who have havo to tako take their own own vacations Think of the mosquitoes In the country think of the wild waves and the tho sunburn sunburn sun sun- burn th think Ink of or the hay fever which comes conies from tho the bonny highlands Think of oC these terrible atrocities and you OU will be happy happ to do 10 your bit In Inthis Inthis Inthis this great cause You will send your man on your oUr vacation gladly You will bid him goodby with a a. smile You Youma ma may miss him for tor a while but you OU wont won't miss your morning grapefruit and you ou wont won't get poison polson Iv Ivy on your hands or fishhooks In your toga I IF F your oUr business is flourishing nourishing an and andI i I requires the attention of your our entire entire entire en en- tire personnel you ou might confer with your our efficiency expert to see about putting orf or a professional proCessional vacation raker aker This man could tale take vacations for your our whole force and save considerable consider v n able ble Incon Inconvenience for yourself and Take for instance the instance the case of or Mr Ir D. D S S. S J. J prominent J. Rocky mountain business man Mr J J. J is a busy man You cant can't get around that He supplies supplies supplies sup sup- plies merchandise to thousands of ot per per- sons This tires him out considerably And it takes up about all his time and what with a few dinner engagements engagements engagements engage engage- ments with young women of his acquaintance acquaintance acquaintance ac ac- ac- ac a man he says confidentially doesn't get much time for tor foolishness foolIshness foolishness fool fool- like vacations Mr J. J is right The Herald suggested that Mr J. J take up his problem with ins his secre secre- tary Mr tr J. J would have But his hili I secretary the week before had Joined the planted a few tew bombs In the postmasters postmaster's little brown mailbag mall mail for Free bag and was singing Hurray Burra Soup and Nobody Knows How Tough rough I Am when tho the police de descended descended de- de upon Whim him And And It It Is a a. great sorrow to say It It the tho secretary Is now taking a sea voyage t to tb his old family homo in with a a. party of ot friends Mr J. J was sorry but could The Herald Her Hem aId ald suggest something els else 1 I Heli-I The advice was to go to a motion picture show where travelogues are shown Mr J J. J said he ho had already done this but the last time ho he had mado made a n. terrible mistake He had gone one Ill He thought tho picture was a South Sea island Islan tour and ho I had bedecked himself accordingly and thc they put on a picture of Alaska In InI I Winter inter The poor fellow lellow nearly froze to death and it was with great difficulty difficulty culty he was rescued from irom his s seat at and led to his taxi and with a n favorite nectar from his cellar Well VeIl theres there's sun stilt Juli Julius s The Herald Herald Her Her- ald aid suggested I I YE you ou seen a drowning man i HA HAVE clutching clutching- at a straw Thus Mr J. J Ho says say's his vacation was a great success Julius his office bo boy kindly I consented to go on Mr Js J.'s vacation i Julius who ho returned to his desk k h. few i days ago looking like lIko tho the wreck orthe of or j the poetized over-poetized Hesperus passed I j three weeks in tho the wilds earnestly j i seeking to recuperate his employers employer's j i waning waning- health He reports he ho was pronounced delectable b by of or ortho I tho the largest mosquitoes that he has ever had occasion to meet j 2 N this connection connection JUIl Julius s has written writ writ- j I 1 i ten a book bool on vacations entitled Letters From Irom a n Self made Vacationer to His Boss excerpts from which will willbe be found of oC general interest to those contemplating contemplating- going on their own I iI I i 31 M. U Julius advocates Ir un un taking their vacations nt ot home j I I IFor For Por persons mountain climbing vacations Attention he hc suggests that th the parlor he Ie lined The Tho furniture in inthis In Inthis this room will servo Ideally for the I purpose of mountain climbing he lie says One should start gradually by climbIng climbing climb climb- i Ing the smaller chairs first climb I until I I within a f few w days das one will be bo so proficient pro- pro j i f that it will be an easy matter mattel I Ito I to scale scalo the slippery slipper sl sides es of ot the he family Cam fam I II ily piano And from Crom the piano to t the tho A chandelier ah ah that that that-ho ho writes Is only I a step j I I desiring the effect Ct of ot a II sea cn hould fill tHI the bath tub full tull I of sprinkled salt Mater first ho however how how- t- t I ever cr the thc tub tuh with roller skates nod nud By taking taking- a running run- run oneself In inthe In ning Jump and nd Inserting tho the tub In a somewhat Impromptu and ad splashing manner maimer the tub will corn com menco manco to spring tho the wheels to move mo i and within a u short time one will reM reef reMas I as rocky as Gibraltar Realism a may maybe bo be Injected Into tho the scene cene b by having j I jones jone's ones one's chef chot oen tho the bathroom door at i 1 i i j I j j i j i I j j I I iI I i j I I I I I I I I Intervals presenting presenting- to the Yoya tempting viands which he should re refuse refuse refuse re- re fuse with a vast and bellowing Take Tak Takai it away I Ii A Other ways wars of taking vacations now obsolete hut popular In the old days are as follows 4 a vacation perfectly sober ober Taking n a vacation perfectly drunk n a vacation mention partially solier Faking n a vacation partially drunk The fashion for camping vacations this season however runs to the following lot fol lowing formula Taking a n vacation with Taking a n vacation without Taking n a vocation vacation in the belief that flint H not suffer r Taking n a vacation In the hope that flint on one WILL SILL Huffer Taking n a vacation nUb the womenfolk womenfolk women women- folk olon- olon Tithing a n vacation without u the time womenfolk along Sending the wife to the country There Thero are aro man many little tricks which should learn according to Julius chief among which is that of ot otI knowing Just how and antl when shen to take vaca vacations M M. 1 Julius advocates vacations in winter to avoid bug evils attendant on camping For or those who must mal make mako o otheir their trips to the mountains In the summer however hoover he recommends the following practiced with success last week at Vivian park in Provo canyon canon The strangest sensation ho says sas Is that o of awaking In the sUlly stilly night to the dl discovery cr co that an ant Is walking southward on ones one's bosom Finding It Impossible to locate the animal with tho the human hand there are ure other me means of exterminating tho thu creature Try Tn this thia Tell yourself a funny funn story stor and laugh lauh heartily the tho while This movement movement move move- ment of ot tho the ribs and diaphragm will cause causo the ant to o become uncertain on his feet teet lose his equilibrium and thus die Another wa way ay Is is When hen one finds Jn s a mountain ant scampering down lon tho the chest suddenly expand the lungs This Thia will Ill raise ralso the floating ribs and cause lISO a huge hollow over the stomach Tho The ant nut plunging hurriedly southward ard will hurtle over o tho the precipice and amI break hl neck |