Show I 1 i I 1 THE CONQUESTS 1 OF CONS CONSTANCE TANCE j Switchboard lS Operator at the Hotel I Rich I BY AL ALMA IA WOODWARD I IMI 1 Copyright 1915 by br The Ir Prow Pres u Publishing Co Till 11 HORSE rn n. n l T ow V is ls It II y you u aln t down at lIt Palm PalmI H HOW I I Beach Z Constance Inquired with A a wicked twinkle of or tho the C eye C mo tae I returned the ques- ques flea tion haughtily Why I dont don't go to Palm t Beach an any more because because be be- cause its it's becoming quite too common common- the haunt of oC the thc parvenu par par- v c n u u. u dont don't you 0 u know kno knolke Ikey hang on to that pipe Dreams like that dont don't grow in all I. uv em ern she sho Jeered Say Sar aint 1 it just nough h to incite a fl massacre the wa way us poor pour gumps sumps Is got to stay in one burg burs all the tho weeks in the year car two And hero here these swells aint no sooner found out where the nearest drug store Is in a a. place Toro fore the tho maid has to dump nil all their ra rags s back In the trunk trun- again an they're off ore to another neighborhood I Some dB day you jou ou oct bet Im I'm goin to be bo a sassy little socialist an go to all tho the meetings at Carnegie hall hail an an every ever thing Im I'm Just tired uv u That's I f what's the matter with me I want to ree cline on a a. couch uv U violets with a aru ru rug uv lilies uv the valley alley thrown over I Im m my gold sandaled feet an eat pearls sou souffle trio with diamond sauce Has lias the weather gone to your head I 1 asked sharply Aw what's tho use I to tobe tobe tobo be bo Elinor Elmer an you ou go an spoil all nIl tho the poetry There aint no w weather ather when things Is like Uke that But an anyway anyway any any- wa way uv weather do yuh know I'm Im worried stiff bout Ice If It theres there's one tiling thing 1 I gotta gOlla have In summer its it's Ice ice Id Id I'd die without plenty uv u Ice an an I Itell Itell tell ma nH she sho cn economize e on everything every every- thing Ice An you OU bet she gets a cent 10 piece er c every da day Hut But if It the blamed water dont don't freeze at nt all aU cn cl I yuh uh see ee what a 10 cent piece picco Is goin to look like next summer Oh It'll tr freeze I ob observed consol consol- Well Voll If it f It dont don't I see where I s send nd myself to cold coM storage and leave my furs at home horne My ly pony coat Is begin begin- nin to look dee doe anyway Oh sa say uv U ponies reminds me mo uv u another punched transfer Ho Ito a horse trainer I met him at a ball and the thing that got m my eye wu the way ho togged Gosh That man certainly one nervous ou dresser Yu Yuh could Just ht hear ar his vest est call callin In hl his shira shirt shir shirt a n liar all tho the time timo And arc lights Say ho he had a 8 knob uv radium ever every everyplace place there W lZ room to wear Weal one At first when I met hint him ho wu quiet real quiet real bashful I thought An n I thought It w WH us fum funny that a man with will take homes what lis listened toned like that didn't match em better Well ell I went wen to a n. couple uv shows with him an to dinner The one thing that anno annoyed d mo me wu that th he lie et ot with his I knife nife but 1 I l knew new Id I'd kill that when I knew him better Then the horse show come to town J An I thought Id I'd be the real cheese goin there thero with some somo one what SO IE SOMEBODY ODY Well ell If It you ou please we had to go In the tho same door as the horses An Au if it yuh uh could a n seen the mixed line uv bums what spoke to him real rell friendly Just like the they used to take taken a n bite out uv his lunches at school I that mortified I wanted to beat bent It before the grand march but I couldn't couldn t make a getaway Ya An then one u uv his cronies come conic up an n said sald Where her did la you jou soo the yearling m uv cour course coure e An the tho flow flow uv U equine explanation he be unhitched wu t tri tO All lI T I could hear uz slim film hooted hoofed filly a check rein light on feed an art uneasy at the post t tAn An all the tho time mo me there therewith therewith with m my pon pony coat on Well say when I got Jot that rummy outside I showed him If I uneasy at the tho post I had r St. St t Vitus dance at the thc finIsh fin fin- ish lah not to lIa say bout home pose the mone money on nervous ans Yes he embalms ll |