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Show UINTAH BASIN RECORD FABLES IN SLANG Keeping Up GEORGE ADE (? Ball Syndicate ilthinks Senfe rcs Science Service. Egyptian 5 1 L!t " JwTa a henna color. Either thats news 0r something has stimulated a sud den change In Hoi lywood fashions, just a little while ago, about every rd shad e)'e nhf f nene $t inc-- e other W lF at all for the platinum lajj ents s and only too frequently, alas, the effect was that of a new tin roof effect; wl her a' For back was ore at that i ratty u at ft ty than going t E P on can Presidential Booms. ig and floods ki south, the daily press L ailed to record among our 'lag the J e railroad Tftluie cyclones with 1 the untimely end Talmadge boom It parsed away at t nalties vernor seal nim thing, would j( i on the it the bf t them ar when i shock Old hes, id the S little fa i Atlanta, Ga., ng In prattling n i Tares. ng r, but Bi P for It did not catch some We had a feeling to live. The second babies, hator i accents, frequently fatal to go ie yard just as it you take If you ance, the Ham didnt take It, t certainly did, because It - n seen, or even heard of Or e other Prosaic1 and months. j Bill st grab-ir- t Dinners, obituary column, Club iiron f the as fee sadder than gridiron could be j account of a iper gridiron club din-t- o satirically amusing Yet r be utiy are. a out must be . them tre- - hard Job, because they the national political a producer of farces i any a you cant burlesque other words, you on cant In subject which al funnier than any-ca- n think of and thats ellows at Washington are on a any much o t Time. trying to be e car i fat man A cansll a Is pallbearer, say, at a on his ow n l nnjbe breaks up the j'eli, now then, you've got thats really funny. ,on f comedy could be : tending on Its head with j! falls down tram he fall-mat- ns laugh because in spirit and flesh. both ng arou hit tin ie com-w- s business any w ay, es-oc- e all comedy is predi-iis,res- s. way fr i of mess bolt heels gr for a Ttaia I torn. n Inch d note tract." t one ram I? not to say with being comparative Every day or an a'trulsm rare In this some gallant volunteer Is ' to put cut do1 mself on all nmeth by nfelanintion nors eastern manager ,J manager, or his r erous t by-- fractional, wed, what bf so many nil at once. h i Aids. '0R LAXDOX must feel pers of lit me f It Struck Him That Being a Preacher Wan the Duck Soup. ACROBATIC HOROSCOPE Jefferson decided to go ahead and take his Degree rather than disapthere wras a Boy named point his Parents, but he was aching who lay on his for a Chance to join a regular Comin an Orchard one pany and Have his Photo In a whole Afternoon mapping Frame In front of the Grand Opera out his Future. lie was Five Years House. Between the Period of hls ColOld at the time and still carried his Milk Teeth and a few lege Triumphs and his 25th Birthbut already he had begun brooding day he had quite a few Experiences. Statistics prove that almost anyover his career. After a Survey of all Business Oc- thing may happen to a Graduate just cupations and Professions It struck after he Is deprived of the Checks him that being a Methodist Preach- from Dad and finds himself trying on the World. er was the Duck Soup. He had been to get a Grape-Vin- e watching one of them and it seemed He suddenly ascertains that the to him that this Bird had everything Task Is a good deal like trjing to organized and was riding high, wide upset a Brick House without the and purty. Nothing to do all Week help of a Lever. It Is during the Years that the one except wear a Dark Suit In con- cruel try-oand who has prepared himself to be a junction with a pseudo-Panambeam like a Head Light whenever Landscape Gardener suddenly decides that he can do better by playaddressed. Jefferson had it on good Author- ing the Piano lu a good Movie House ity that the Parson didnt have to and the Incipient Lawyer goes out pay any House Rent No matter In a Ford taking Orders for a where he went, the Folks who saw Nursery. Jefferson got shut of Actoritls him coming began to kill Yellow-Leg- s and lay the Foundations of without suffering a single Cramp. an Strawberry Short-Cak- It seemed to work out through the At every Wedding he could Pores. In fact, he told his Relago as far as he liked on the Ice tions on Commenucement Day that Cream. Neighbors often sent in the he had almost decided to take up first Lilac Cuttings and usually he Social Service and be a Settlement had Corn on the Cob about a week Worker and go about shaking Hands whether ahead of the Stores. Easy Picking with Lowly Rough-Neck- s they wished to be annoyed or not. was the only Name for it. The Job seemed to have no draw- When he made this noble resolution backs. On Sunday Morning the he was still under the Influence of Preacher was Boss of the whole the Baccalaureate Sermon which, ne picked out the Songs, very often, will help to guide Young Show, and no matter what he said, no Men and Women through Life for at least a Week. one dared to give him any Slack. THE DEMON REALTOR THE WEBSTER STUFF Jefferson copped his Sheep-SkiBy the time that Jeffie was 10, and sat on a baggage Truck at the In June and along in July his Male station every day to watch the Parent asked him If he was going Choo-Chowham by he had for- to play Tennis Indefinitely and he gotten all about his Determination said No, he had been looking around his way. through Life for the Agency of some good Car, to so along In September we find him as h Parson. Jefferson knew all the Trains by soliciting Life Insurance, only to Number and saving up to buy learn that all persons still living So about all were fully covered. a heavy Silver Watch. We discover him at the Age of 15 he did for the remainder of the Santa Claus at eating Throat Lozenges and making year was to play hurried Preparations to be a great a Yuletide Festival. rePolitical Orator. Early next Spring, In order to Jefferson had tried out his new lieve the Tedium of Life In a Small Baritone on Nurval, whose Father Town and to prove that two may fed the Flocks, on the Turk who live as cheaply as one If they stay and lay In the Guarded Tent at Mid- In Bed and dont eat, he up When he announced who Married. on and got Spartacus, night, formed the first Equity Association his Intentions, the Parental Blessa Block among the Actors doing stunts In ing could have been heard one was He Rome. away. at the Arena of the main Eloeuters In Lincoln Now we find him at 25 in a Boom been had going Stuff his and Town helping to lay out a ResiHigh an acre over big. Consequently, when he dential District costing came underthe Spell of a Visiting and about to be sold for $100 a who spoke for nearly Front Foot. He has a Bungalow, a two Hours In Court Square nouse Baby Carriage and a set of Golf he was carried completely off his Clubs and Is active In the Chamber Feet and resolved that he would of Commerce, having been selected be a Public Speaker or bust his to give out the Identification Badges Vocal Cords In the Attempt. at the regular Luncheons. The great Word Painter who hnd It seemed that Jefferson at the so Impressed our Young Friend be- age of 30 had struck his Strike, rung of Platt. longed to the Old School the Beil, and brought home the Metaloved who form Performers The nair-Cuts- . phors and hated He was wrorth a World of Money In the on was worth Type Is still hanging If all of his Property at. Every It was holding he Chautauquas but the radio has Jiim what on the Ropes, Along about 1905 he day be sat around with other busy was a Dnrb. talking about buildYEARS TRY-OUDollar Hotel, than Million ing tt Let ns now check up on Jefferson which there Is nothing more easy at the ripe nge of 20. . lie Is a to" talk about. Junior at a College which is tryUow we come up to the Present and colwe find Jefferson back In the ing to dispense Knowledge and Through h!s Home Town running the General lect Endowments. membership In a Frat and because Store founded by his Father In 1Si7 of his natty Appearance he has and also having general Supervision been given the principal male Part of the two Farms. He Is just where In a Performance by the Dramatic he was destined to be from the BeIs some Holdings Club and has learned that he ginning. He still has Ability. Histrionic with saturated Town which started out to be the in Therefore he has made up his Mind another Chicago and then stubbed Lots and to he a celebrated Actor. the Tor. They are Corner The Toot that the Local Sheet will be Ml right some Day, If not did not go Into any of the harrowsold for Taxos. that more ing details merely proves ever MORAL: All Roads lead to the gets News Is suppressed than into Print ONCE a e. n free-lune- h s ct,seu Landon ility- -c or manager or b makes no difference noy never have heard of es before ; up to six " tllc5I never heard of ; 28 la Previously neglected suddenly comes everybody f a,I,,It him. Mny- e ? mm be that iaa f! turkcy at a " lth thS drumstlck and rrahhin be second ft o joint Dearst MHto the flinging, with wishbone. . and finds 8 I P,ro, System. the kidnap- - 0( oVw mQtlls state A bwa f 'Mon 0 conniitted murder that at lD Jears the oft has J degen-- CrYf"'S,,,(ss " 1 foofessed to kthit ! Pan-led- . hlleo!, Cn,ntIy ken-- ! 'hs vm,Ylk tl,e other atirft 6 Messed over It-l- m ParoI('- - nln tlie work ''KllV j'1 n,1,s "ho hne rms of PnnNIi '"I, In , t lo t "le m cns,s on. " merrilyhardly "kN?sS'C0BB Wind-Jamm- Side-Mea- Cigar-Smoker- T nSllinStn VVere ?,ldar "ho, despite nc I as" 5527 Lunch-Wago- wall-hangin- g Djzen Kinds of on sleep. If ung. he was , T, styl- red, reddish or a mile, nlav, within half not a ten redheads, and la sight, to prove the ression ft gilt Cn the great gross, es scar, roai attic. the Pattern In honor of spring your house deserves a colorful new such as this, which depicts roses and lilacs la their natural splendor. Youll enjoy embroidering it its so easy even a beginner will be won over to this delightful occupation. are Investigating the problem of The lilacs are In lazy daisy the sleep. roses in satin and outline stitch: Not that they have found a remand you neednt frame It just line edy for Insomnia as yet, but their It and hang it up. Investigations, which make use of a In pattern 0527 you will find a radio loud speaker and various special clocks, among other apparatus, are shedding light on the Turn Gadget and Motor Runs factors that affect soundness of F- Half movie queen yon saw was going In at Depth of sleep Is connected with changes of position of the sleep ers body rather than with the pc tual time as previously supposed, Norman R. Cooperman and Lau- rence Palitz report from their studies, which have been conducted un der the general supervision of Dr. Nathaniel Kleitman, associate professor of physiology at the university. One cup of coffee taken before going to bed will cause a person to sleep with fewer changes of position than usual, but several cups will Induce unusual restlessness, previous research at the university has shown. M WA KILLS INSECTS ON FLOWERS A Real Accomplishment A man doesnt need to ask a girl If she can cook. If she can, shell tell him. CHICAGO. The wealthy but sleepless Hindu v ho is reportec to have offered $10,000 for relief from insomnia might find it to his advantage to get in touch with research workers at the University of Chicago here who potential U Dr. Tierces Pleas int relicts are the original little liver pills put up 00 years ago. they regulate liver and bowels. Adv. One Cup of Coffee Promotes Restfulness that the little dyed J WNU Service, Soundness of Sleep Matter of Position Not Time of Night day some early ffhter of t ho died nearly so and yet was still V Deserved. Too bad that Pharaoh family of the '; T!iey dld make such good le transfer pattern of a hanging 15 by 20 Inches; a color chart; material Illustrations of all requirements: stitches needed ; directions for mak Ing the hanging. Send fifteen cents in coins or stamps (coins preferred) to The Sewing Circle. Household Arts Dept 259 W. 14th St.. New York, N. Y. eoervce news c?n itaid'thV other No matter who you are or where you live, you have to pay attention to the community prejudices. ViSarcXLIF. '?t!l mummified VACATION SPECIALS Picture for Your Wall, Using Simple Embroidery Stitclies By .about: mre A Colorful An Invention allowing a standard make motorcycle to use any of a half dozen mineral or vegetable fuels with only a slight hand adjustment t, was demonstrated by Stefan Polish engineer living in Geneva, Switzerland, before some fifty technicians and reporters and an Italian observer. The omnivorous motorcycle consumed gasoline, gas oil, kerosene, fuel oil, and alcohol, doing about fifty miles per hour. The Inventor says the motor will run Just as well on soybean oil and even operate on olive oil, though Its low caloric value makes the latter uneconomic. Witkowskl also has installed his invention on the motor of a French Effects of Alcohol. standard automobile which has run, Alcoholic liquors taken before go- he says, more than 00,000 miles. The bed to will cause a ing sleep with Invention suppresses the carburetor, marked decrease In movements dursubstituting for it what is termed an ing the early hours, but many more "Injector," working with a pump. movements during the later hours of sleep. The temperature of sleepNo Fine Feeling! ers drops about one degree during A gentleman burglar doesnt spare the first hours of sleep and rises RDy loot on that account. one degree during the last hours. Sleepers change their position less In the first half of the night than in the last half. They average perhaps a movement every ten minutes for the whole night, consuming by these movements a total of two to six minutes. The sleep experiments have been carried on in special rooms In the phjslology-laboratorand In one of the university dormitories. How Sleepers Are Tested. Among the various devices at tached to the bed of the subject is one which flashes a light in another room where the experimenter Is located when the sleeping subject makes the slightest move. The experimenter, who had wakened himself by alarm clock at, say 2 a. m., and has waited until 2:15 a. m. for a motion by the subject, then turns on the loudspeaker, softly at first, then at varying Intensity. When the subject awakens, he pushes a buzzer which sounds In the experimenters room to Indicate that he Is awake. The experiment er then notes the Intensity of sound necessary to awaken tlie sleeper, the time of night, and the time that elapsed between the motion of the sleeper and the stimulation by sound. VEGETABLES FRUITS & SHRUBS Demcnd original Mealed bottlei, from your dealer 3 iY H0BK..FUn HIDE THE ASAIfrsEaV OVERLAND found her tired fpHE end of everyday out, nervous, often with headaches. But now, thanks toNatures Remedy, A j work is fun again she feds like w . 1 to a movie or dance any night. going Mil- - yv 4 lion9 have switched to this natural all- vegetable, laxative Contains no mineral or phi nol derivatives. Instead a balanced combination of laxative elements, provided by nature, that work naturally, pleasantly Try an NR tonight. When you see how much better you feel you 11 know why a vi ge table corrective is btsL Only 2oc, at all druggists. The a h iewis MtDICINE or PACIFIC LIMITED CO. Bluffs and Mountains can make a big bluff easier than he can a little mountain. A man 1 MINUTE! Apply New Da Luxe I Dr. Scholls Zino-paon any sore or sensitive I pot on your feet, toes, heels, ' RELIEF IN - i- -' - t- id, 4iVri',.n 1 , 'i. ds FROM OGDEN OR SALT LAKE CITY ride in an coach on our fastest trains across Great Salt Lake and over the High Sierra. Coffee 5$, milk 5(1, sandwiches lOtf; also low cost dining car meals. or on Callouses, Bunions, or Corns-a- nd youll have instant re liefl They stop shoe friction and ' I pressure, prevent ore toes end bits- -. ters; ease tight shoes. Also remove corns or callouses. Flesh color; waterproof Sold everywhere Southern Pacific For further details see or writ D. R. OWEN, General Agenc, 41 So, Main St., Sait bake Cur Mental Ailments Act Like Brake to Overworked Minds TORONTO. problems of life When adjustment FOR. THE LOVE OF PETE, JOE-HO- W A-S-CAN WE WHOSE YOUNGSTER2 WHAT A KID' SHE'LL BE IN THE PICTURE. SHE'LL WOW 'EM! THOSE EVES, THAT 6MILF., - 1 o BOY!! the be- come too great for the individual to solve, mental disability NOW SHE CAN HAVE ALL THE J GRAPE HUTS FLAKES SHE may step In a3 nature's way of calling a halt," Dr. C. M. Illncks, di- rector of the Canadian National Committee for Mental Hygiene, told the Royal Canadian institute. Viewing mental disabilities from the psychological standpoint as the result of Inadequate methods of meeting the demands of life, Doctor nincks pointed out that such mental ailments may In reality be beneficial as they represent natures way of working toward a cure by giving the Individual a breathing spell before be makes another attack upon bis problems. Of course, he added, "such mental disorders, while protective to a degree, may go too far and finally end la the disruption of the person- ality. "The psjchologlcal approach to the study of mental and nervous maladjustments is proving its value not only In leading to a better understanding of these disorders but also of many other physical ailments. It seems quite possible that medicine is entering upon a rnnv phase of progress where as much attention will be given to the emotional life of tlie individual and to Its adjustment ns lias In the been given to germs and physipn-- t cal processes ' WANTS JOE E. BROWN ASKS BOYS AND GIRLS TO JOIN CLUB Famous Comedian Offers 36 JOIN Joe E. Brown's Club. Youll get the swell membership pin shown here and the Club Manual. It tells you how to get 36 valuable prizes free how to work up to Sergeant, to Lieutenant, and, finally to become one of Joes Captains! Send your name and address, and the top of one Grape-Nut- s Flakes package to Grape-Nut- s Flakes, Battle Creek, Michigan. (This offer expires Prizes FREE Club 1 Mmbrthlp Pin Gold finish with blue letter, actual sireshown. Free for 1 s Grape-Nutpack- age top Photo of Joo E. Brown Joe greets you with a big mile in this farsimile autographed photograph hree tor 1 Grajie-Nut- a i lakes package top. red-and-bl- December 31, 1936. Good only in U. S. A.) A I Post Cereal JOE E. BROWN'S LATEST mad by General Foods MOTION PICTURE-S0- NS Grafi-Nut- i I enclose F LAKHS, Buttle Creek, Mich. WNU-- Flnkes package tops. Please send me free tlie items checked below: H Membership Pin and Chib Manual, (Send I Package Top) U Photo of Joe El. Brown, (bcud 2 Package Top) Grnpe-Nut- s Nttmm C,tv 0 GUNS A WARNER BROTHERS PICTUREl |