Show FABLES IN SLANG sells dIest By GEORGE ADE stele Service ll- ll JI J 1 I t f s t rI f i I I i JJ t I S t Vhf Q f 7 p ib sI 4 l lt I II I t ft ill 11 t f f l 1 l t I IL 3 11 I I 1 h l l vat It Struck Him That Being a Preacher Was the Duck Soup ACROBATIC HOROSCOPE NCE CE there was a Boy named O ONCE Jefferson who lay on his Back In an Orchard one whole Afternoon mapping out his Future H He was Five Flye Years Tears Old at the time and still carried his Milk Teeth and a few Pin Feathers but already he had begun brooding over his career After a Survey of all aU Business Oc Occupations Occupations Oc- Oc an and Professions It struck him that being heing a Methodist Preacher Preach Preach- er was the Duck Soup He lIe had been watching one of them and It seemed to him that this Bird had everything organized and was riding high wide and Nothing to do all all' Week except wear a Dark Suit In to conjunction conjunction con con- junction with a pseudo pseudo Panama Panama and pond beam like a Head Light whenever addressed Jefferson had It on good Authority Authority Author Author- Jt ity that the Parson d didn't have to pay any House Rent nent N No matter where he be went the Folks who s saw w whim him coming began to kill YellowLegs YellowLegs YellowLegs Yellow- Yellow Legs and lay the Foundations of ot otan an old fashioned Strawberry Short Short- Cake At every Wedding he could go as f far r as he liked lilted on the Ice Cream Neighbors r often sent In the first Lilac Cuttings and usually he had Corn on the Cob about a week ahead of or the Stores Easy Picking was the only Name for It TI The e Job seemed to have no drawbacks draw draw- backs On Sunday Morning the Preacher was Boss of the whole whole Show He picked out the Songs and no matter what he said no noone noone noone one dared to give him any apy Slack THE WEBSTER STUFF By the time that Jell Jellie e was 10 i and sat on a baggage Truck at nt the I station every day to watch the Choos Choo-Choos wham by he be had forgotten forgotten forgotten for for- gotten all about his Determination to lunch free his bis way through Life as a Parson i Jefferson knew all nIl the Ule Trains by Number and was saving up to buy buya a heavy Silver Sliver Watch We discover him at the Age J of 15 eating Throat Thront Lozenges and making hurried Preparations t to be a great Political Orator Jefferson bad tried out his neu nen Baritone on Norval whose Father fed the the Flocks on the Turk who lay In the Guarded Tent at Midnight Midnight Midnight Mid Mid- night and on Spartacus who form formed d the first Equity Association among the Actors doing stunts stunts' In Inthe Inthe Inthe the Arena at Rome Home He lie was one of the main Elo In Lincoln High and his Stuff ha had been going over big Consequently when he came un under er the SpelL of a Visiting Wind-Jammer Wind who ho spoke for nearly two Hours In Court Square House he was carried completely off ocr his Feet and resolved that he would be a n Public Speaker or bust his Vocal Cords In the Attempt Th The great Word-Painter Word who had so Impressed our Y Young ung Fr Friend end belonged belonged helon be he- lon longed cd to the Old School of Platform Platform Plat Plat- form Performers who loved Metaphors Metaphors Metaphors Meta Meta- and hated Hair flair The Type Is still hanging on In the but the radio h has s him himon himon himon on the Ropes Rapes Along about 1905 1903 he was was wasa rasa a Darb TRY TRYOUT TRY UT YEARS Let us now check check up upon un Jefferson on-Jefferson on Jefferson at nt thee the ripe ripe age age of ot 20 20 He lIeIs Is a a- a Junior at a n College which Is tryIng try try- Ing to dispense Knowledge and collect collect col col- col- col lect lec Endowments Through his membership Iq lr a Frat and because of ot of his natty Appearance he has hag been heen given Iven the principal male Part PartIn In a Performance by the Dramatic Club an and has learned that he Is saturated with Histrionic Ability Therefore he has made up up his his Mind nD to be a n celebrated Actor The Fact that the Local Sheet did not go Into any of ot the harrowIng harrowing harrow harrow- Ing details merely proves proves' that more News Is suppressed than ever gets I Into p Print J J Jefferson decided to go ahead and take mke his Degree rather than dIsappoint disappoint disappoint point his bis Parents but he was aching for a Chance to Join a n regular Company Company Company Com Com- pany and Have his Photo In a aFrame aFrame aFrame Frame In front of ot the Grand Opera pera House Between the Period of ot his College College College Col Col- lege Triumphs and his Birthday Birthday Birth Birth- day he had quite a few Experiences Statistics prove that almost anything anything anything any any- thing ma may happen to a Graduate just after he Is deprived of ot the Checks from Dad and finds himself trying t to get a Vine Grape-Vine on the World He sud suddenly enly ascertains that the Task Is a good deal like tr trying to upset a Brick House without the help of ot a Lever It Is during the cruel try-out try Years that the one who has prepared himself to be a Landscape Gardener suddenly decides decides decides de de- de- de that he can do better by play play- playIng playing Ing the Piano In lu a good Movie Io House and the Incipient Law Lawyer er goes out In a n Ford taking Orders for tor a n Nursery Jefferson got bot shut of ot without suffering n a a single Cramp It seemed to work out through the Pores In fact he told his Rela Rela- Relations ons on Day that he had almost decided to take up Social Service and be a n Settlement Worker and go about shaping shaking Hands with Lowly Rough-Necks Rough whether they wished to be annoyed or not When be he ma made fe this noble resolution he was still under the Influence of the Baccalaureate Sermon which very ery often will help to guide Young YoungIe Men Ie 1 and Women through Life for forat forat forat at least a n Week THE DEMON DIMON REALTOR Jefferson copped his Skin Sheep-Skin in June and along llong In July his Male Parent asked him If he was going to play Tennis Indefinitely and he said No r he had be beer been q looking around for the Agency of some good Car ear so along In September we find him soliciting tIng Life Insurance Insurance only to tol l learn arn that all persons still living were fully cover covered d So about all nIl he did for the remainder of tho the year was to play Santa Claus at nt ata nta a a Yuletide Festival Early next nest Spring In order to relieve relieve re re- re- re lieve the Tedium of ot Life LICe In a SmallTown SmallTown Small SmallTown Town and to prove that two may live as cheaply as one 1 If they stay In Bed and dont don't eat he up and got Married When he announced his Intentions the Parental BlessIng Blessing Blessing Bless Bless- ing co could ld have haie been heard a Block a away way Now we find him at 25 la is a Boom BoomTown BoomTown BoomTown Town helping to lay layout out a Residential Residential ResIdential Resi ResI- District costing 40 an acre and tind about to be sold for a Front Foot He has a a Bungalow a Baby Carriage and a set fet of or Golf Golt Clubs and Is active In the Chamber of ot of Commerce having been selected to give out the Identification Badges at of the regular Luncheons It seemed that Jefferson at nt the ag ago age of ot 30 had struck his Strike rung tJ the e Bell and brought home borne the Side- Side Meat He lie was worth a n World of ot Money Ioney If It all of ot his Property was worth orth what be he was holding It at nt Every Everyday Everyday day he sat aro around nd with other busy Cigar Smokers ers talking about building build building build build- ing ipg a Million Dollar Hotel Hold l than width which h there Is nothing more easy to to talk about Now we come up to the Present and we find Jefferson back In the Home Town running the General Store t founded by his Father In 1877 and also having general beneral Supervision of ot the two Farms He lle Is just where he was destined to be from the Be De ginning He still has some Holdings In In the Town which started out to be another Chicago and then stubbed the Toe loe They are Corner Lots and ancI will be all nIJ right some some Da Day If It not sold for Cor Tares MORAL MOnAY All AU Roads lead to the I Lu Lunch Wa ch-Wa Wagon on I |