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Show I Am The Master Of My Fete well bean. That's how it was spelled; well bean. Coincidentally enough, I am concerned for my bean as well, both financial and otherwise. oth-erwise. I will not, however, be sending my social security number, weight in liters, pin numbers and other personal information to him immediately, immediate-ly, as he so politely asked of me. My failure to act promptly prompt-ly may be due to his poor usage us-age of the Queen's English, a subtle tingling in my guts "heart of hearts" warning me to (lee with my man purse, and the listed return e-mail address for Jon-John Smith in Kazakh- stanenburg spelled with a "C". I just don't tell anyone how much I weigh. Usually I am the last one to put others down for their poor ability to bowl over 150, drive a tractor, gut a chicken, or to spell correctly - as these are activities I myself have not mastered though not for lack of effort. Also and additionally, addition-ally, I am not so smart. I am the intellectual equivalent to a pimento SPAM loaf - nice to have around at dinner time but no one stands in line to ask it a question. "Cheney" continued on Page 5 I just read an emergency email sent to me from someone some-one I have never heard of named John-John Smith, who I am supposed to "have acquaintance acquain-tance with from our mutual interacting" here in "My City. USA". John-John promptly and without much by the way of fanfare told me that he was concerned for my financial raiser and invest in some quality modern technology. Because if you can't trust that your daughter has your best interest at heart, from whom can you buy your box of 750 incandescent light bulbs? probably where I should invest in-vest my life savings." Then he borrowed my allowance money. It wasn't my dad either. ei-ther. It was some guy with a mustache I met when I was 15 at the mall and I bet he has gone back there many times to repay me or would, have had he not been arrested arrest-ed soon after. So 1 am not so bright, a bit too trusting, and sometimes some-times repetitive. Fortunately having kids has wizened me up to the ways of the world. My kids defied substantial odds and have IQs higher that my bowling average. I am going go-ing to do exactly as my smart daughter suggests. I am going to sit down and write this Mr. Bean from Cazakhstanenburg a short response to let him know he can take tomorrow off from his busy day of not spell checking letters to nice people he doesn't know and take a flying leap. I will not be sending him any of my wife's hard earned cash for his girlfriend to invest for me in the World Wide Mer-cat. Mer-cat. I think he means Market. Mar-ket. Frankly, I am starting to doubt if John-John even has a girlfriend. And after that I am going go-ing to do just as my daughter says and march right down to her school band fund 'Cheney" continued from Page 3 Any other time in my life and I would have given John-John the benefit of the doubt because frankly I am a nice guy. I am so nice that gave some kid at school my allowance for a month to go to the store and get candy for us both. Uh-huh. I invested in my sister's diet beverage fund. Still no financial fi-nancial return. 1 continue trying to win the big pink Panda every year at Strawberry Straw-berry Days by getting the hoop-y thing on the pointy-floaty pointy-floaty thing. The Carnie guy sends me a Christmas card and calls my children by name. I am not so bright. My dad told me when I was young that "If it was too good to be true, then it was |
