Salt Lake Tribune | 1905-04-16 | Page 28 | Josiah Has the "Lay Grippe."

I BYJOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE I Josiah Has the "Lay Grippe." I I Marietta ifoiley ("Joslab Allen's Wife"). Author of "My Ynvward I'ardnor, "My Opinion! nnd Bots) Bobbett's," "Samantha nt Saratosra." "Sunantha at the st iuio Exposition." etc, Telia now she Humored Her Hait-Blok Pardner. (Copyright, 19"., by Joseph B Bowles.) Then ha hrrn considerable ilckneM in fonesvllla thl Spring1, Squire PrndoRTass. simo xerdon a wife, Borden Blmmonaea wife sister wuz .-ill down -it one time with wh.it Josiah called tho lay prlppe. i hearn Ji.tah explalnln it to tho urand-hlldren urand-hlldren when he got a little better. Sea he; "It Is railed tho lay Rrlppe, Children, because, otl have to lay Hbi'il so long 1 It I aoo tho children takln' it all in nnd jm .".-on a.s 1 Rot 'om out of tho room I ?Ot om right. I d;i-sont dispute .loMah In no way, shape or manner whilst ho wua In surh a '"nditlon, nervous nnd hypowy as h i rnld h. And cross! Why cross I no II amo for It Mo most took my hear! off If I nnld a thlr.fc tho e.it way contrary to i la kw- or complained of his dnins tho lea's! hit. Why. If ho had took It Into his head to call tho old maro a aebro I'd hod to stood It and converged with him about her stripes. Why, somo or tho time when M fever WU tho hlRhrst and his bOnaa ached tip-worst, tip-worst, ho vowed there win a conspiracy 'Kin him and I wuz in It to keep him down where we could browbeat him and imposo upon liim. Onreoaonable? Why. of course It wuz. hut what's tho rise of f i n-In- to Kit blood from n turnip.' When n pardner Kit pure reason out of a si k man. 'apeclally alck with tho grip, then I'll tap turnip and have It run most anj - thing yo i call for. S,, l hold In. jlnln' in bbbbbbb with most everything ha Bald, which HB VOWED THERE WUZ A CONSPIRACY CONSPIR-ACY AGIN HIM coemed to sootho htm mnr than atnlp or f.itv. though I dealt thom out liberally. I knowed I could make it up when he got well; I could correct him then, and have my own way a Utile mite; no I let him tear round and act, though my COn-BCli COn-BCli nee told mo It WUI bad for his morals and liable to make him more ramhunxloua and worrisome In the future. The doctor was quite skairt about him ono spell. And my heart wuz fairly In m mouth for several days when he wuz the wo rat hut Anally he pulled through and began to arli a little stronger. Well, whi n he got tip round the house he wuz as oneas as a whale would ho In our summer kitchen and flopped around most as much. 1 trkd to git him to road tho T.-el iment: I put some, lib ry hooks before him. and a him book. But no, he wouldn't look at 'em. And I hoz. 'Don't )TOU want to road 'Prensled Finance,- or the 'Arabian Nights or 'Gulliver's Travels?' They're all light readln', and real toJKtriV No, lie didn't wnnt to read nothln', he -aid Then I hrouirht oat the big family Bible ami put It In front of him on the stand, and soz "Don't you want to look at these beautiful moral picture. Josluh? Mebby they II do you good.'' I datflcnt hint n hit o.i..- that his morals wua runnin' down ' No i don't " he snapped out. Well," .'o;: I. brlnkln1 out "Foxe s Hook of Martyrs" (ami I thought to rnyse.ll with a deep slthe. oh what a chapter 1 out. I add to that book. If Mls Fox.' and I ould Kit toft, (her and talk ovor our trlh- ulatlons, i thought l would ruther have seven, and one at the breast, than ono man In his statep. Sez I: "These are dretful Interestln' pictures. Jo-i.ih, and mebby it would do you good to aee what John went through " "John Rogers: " s.z he. skorn fully, "what did lie know about trouble? Me I never had the lay grippe that I hcarn on. I No. mom, I don't want to see no pictures pic-tures " "Well. " sez I "don't ou want to cro-Bhay?" cro-Bhay?" sez I "Some men love to when they're shot up In the house, Or knit tat- 1 1 ii soni ni'-n pit real Inl.-roxted Iti thai at such times." sez I. "Deacon Oowdey tatted enough lace to trim a pnier case w h n ho had the grip " Well, because lie wuz n dum tool, do you e'pose I am?"' and ho added on. "When you ketch me a croshayln,H 8a- niantha, or rnnkln' tuttin. you ma knOW I a m In my dowtage I offered to pUU dominoes with him. and got the hox down and he sez. sarkastl-cally sarkastl-cally "Don't you wont to dam re a two-step' two-step' with me? Or a Hlghlund fling" ( 'r a Clog dance? 1 feel like dam In a log " And his axent wuz that mean and si-,,r-fln' that I put the hox on tho upper buttery but-tery shelf and iet him alono for rpilte a -poll my conscience hearln' me out In It And there it wuz. he didn't want to do anything reasonable, but wanted to do BUmthln he couldn't do. And It run along till the third or fourth day after he wuz up, and he proposed to go over a VlS-tt VlS-tt In' to Sipilre PenaCirrai ' Bui I sez. "it will he too mu oh for yon. Joeiah." of course 1( wuzn't fur hut I knowed his weakness or nerves and bod) Sex h the dm tor wanted me to walk round all 1 could, and bo outdoors." "Ho dldn t want you to go a-vlsltln'. and.'" sez I, anxiously, "you am the j squire never agreed when you was well. I ami I d m. how JTOU would git along, both on you half all k ami cross ami hlpowy at von inn I..-. I ih.n't hardly dast to li t you face each other till you git stronger." "You never h'-ai n S.pilr. I vm. gra.--s ami I B&y a word to each other that wuzn't brotherly and kind; wo always had beautiful visits together and I would lovo to talk to him about the lay grlpe." Sez I. "Hain't you never quarreled ai.out religion j.-iih Allen? You never i ..ill. I ubid. a I 'iilv t sali.-l "No mom. I always aid. and sav now, that a man has a perfec t right to believe what ho Is a mlnt.r In politics and religion re-ligion The squlro ami I alwavs b. ll. . .1 In live and let live. Wo always loved each other Ilk.- brothers, and If wlmmen ..mill us-o n Httlo of our good horse s, and self control there would bo fewer neighborhood quarrela and hack yard Jangl.s And what do you take me for. anyway, Barnerrtha, a pirate or a bmk.i-neer, bmk.i-neer, or what do you think l am?'- Be I: "I think you are both on you weak, puglcky old men end as Innn BS you always disputed and browbeat aaob other when you wuz W0U whether you'll own It r not. I d'no what you will dp when you're half sick." Josiah didn't answer these kind nnd well meant remaiks. hut got up and went Into the bedroom and took down hi- - I ond best suit of clothes, and ICS: "Well, I'm g.un' over to Squire Pende-grasaes Pende-grasaes this afternoon; you can do as ..ii re a mlnter." Well, of course I couldn't let him go alone. So I put on my new chocklate and while gingham and a .lean whit.-apron, whit.-apron, and we sot out about half past I.', I bavin' got a early dinner at his request, so Wo could get there III time It Is onlv a liltle ways, but Josiah got dretful ili.d. and I (old him (o lean on me. "Lean on my grandmother!" s.-z he all out of breath, usln his last mile of wind. : mln Iv, to sass his pardner. Well.' sez I "I would be wlllln' to have you lean on her If she wuz hero, hut I.. In' she is i it anOthei -pear. I guess I'll answer .viol I look holt of bis arm ami kinder atlddled him along Oh. how patient pa-tient and long suffoiiir a woman duz liavi t.. i.e when she's got a half sick man to deal with. I'd ruther any das' git along with a hull sick one. w.-ii he teemed wllUn' enough to be helped ulons by me till we got In front of the house, then he straightened up and tOttled alone alone wan tin' to kinder Show off before them. I S'POZC. Folly Pehdegraas hain t got any tack, and shi aaya tie fust ihins: "Why, fo-siah fo-siah Alien, lid von walk over here, sick J a rou've been? Rut I see Saniantha holpln i.ii along." "Then- was some water In the road, aes Joalah, ami i locked nrma with Ba-muntha Ba-muntha ami kinder helped her along. I didn't want h-r to git her feel wet Well, Mlaa Pendegrasa ami I looked at each othei with a comprehendln' iok si,, .i been through It all. and we nevei said a word only ! st thai look. Well. Squire Pendegrasa wuz dretful glad to see us He'd boon shot Up PO long io a u7. Jest parchln' and flryln' up for eompanv. and for quite a spell he and Josiah Jo-siah talked quite amiably about the m weather and the lay gilppv which both 01 em said wuz fur worse than holora plague or smallpox, and I d no as they wuz ao fur out of the way And Josiah sez "If it hadn't been for the care r Soman th a, and the skin of Or Hombus. I shouldn l be here to tell the st,,, , Sez the squire. "You wouldn ( a suffer.-. I much profahl. If ydu'd had m) nephew. Dr. Pendegrasa. He's full i the latest idee-. Dr. Bombua Is more old-fasbioned old-fasbioned , Dr Bombus hain't quite so fo r. o for . uttln' folks to pieces. Those young doctors doc-tors think It Is a c.l.l .lay when they hain't cut out somebody's Innards. ,.j folks have cot SO HOW das they ihtak'thS 'an'. R into society wllhout they've had a operation. ,,o, m No wond. r Dr Hombus don t p.-rf. i onv operations ' sez the squire, he don l know enough to cut up ft boo. CTlllW Know enough or not." aes Josls. ne hain't a murderer and a black left some M.ur.g dootors I Id nam' "If umi all Dr PM..I.-gr.i?s a h leg agin I'll have the law on VOU, Josiah Ami If you rail Dr. hombus a fool agin, I'll whip you within a liv-h of your life - They had both got their two u ua heads together and wuz hakln ihMr lr. rnbh.i' old lists In each oile r." fa"'- MDs Qowdey and ! had g.me up Inl" hei kitchen ihamber io look at her pas-ket pas-ket of carpel rags she'd got reaoy. lake to the weaver's, and I wua jest a ;i. n- to h-r "i believe Po i . that butmit color Is the riches! lookln coio you've Kot. for It don't cost .us much as d,jR?d shTse. 'Don't you remember Samnntha. you gin tr.e the ros.el Am lest th. n we hearn the sound of yoyjem language, and we hurried down jest in time to ketch (heir last .word?; .,.ai" led off the squire tremblln like n leai. Into the kitchen bedroom, and gin nim a drink of sassprllla and sptgnut Aim I rubbed Joalahe temples and gin nim sonv sweet tlag to , haw on, I had some In m noekP'- - Well we k. p' em apart for qulle a spell till th'-v both acted kinder shani'd. ami (h. n we let 'em In together agin. Josiah Jo-siah a-savln' "The lay grippe nil on-hlgea on-hlgea anybody." And the squire jined in with him. and for a t peace rauiea d. wn. and Polls and I had got to visit n teal good agin, and I had gradually walked In. a-knlttln as I went, Into the buttei v, wh. ro she wuz mould n out si me rlz bISCUlt for supper, and she wuz lost i t Ulii me about the queer doln over Simon Bllmpsey's, and i wur. leal about hoKlnnln' to tell her what 1 had hearn about the minister's brothers wlf- ft. m them thai had seen with their own ev. s. when we hearn such a loud noise from th.- aettln'-room, and not knowln' but thej wuz eommlttln salt and but-,, but-,, r. ,,,, , other though It did seem .': if they hadn't either on 'em strength enough, we . ushed out. And sure enough. OUI Woral fears wuz realized, the squire had tbrowed a him book a1 Josiah, an-l wuz i-si iearnln' out as we went In: Paul sez that all men shall be saved, and come to tho knowledge of the truth, and Fuul won't lie. 1 swear, yoti cussed Old Allen!" Josiah wuz poundln' the table th. s,,e on Mm with hla list. an. i lukviu' iii Paul I . - Ii' -I 'O 1 M (,, ., r rn -,' JaJggM , , r i. Into these shnnioftitaBBBBl! "I ll hi jH to lie-' 1". Ill Into sileh ;L rl..rSj l io gSBsVI I And I sez I'd never hrlnssBBsl ' Jot. I.. w II 'oi h ., :.,. visitor a nctln' In gnSBBBBBBSV you wouhln'i ketch Mr. Meassl Job makln' a afternoon vK Tgffl bur "I a.l In' In Ibis way "gfJ And I "'I .l-'siah out i.ntn thgafl i intin ,n'i I oi him i fl on tin stoop in. I v.. m , nnij jfgH 10 h" ''In't flSBBT comfort with 'em. jgr' Hut kIk wouldn't hear to ( tassW Vie ll 1 I of 'Io- - 1 1 1 1 r .-. 'fSM , iri 'f Josiah Vnd si, W" (i,jn.,W on us da-t to leave ', m ;if;ln 1 i ft. i And v.-tun J9 1 1 . w iiz g til" it"' : i' s,. l( .TyJ , .l-Mi v.. (I s.ll I i ami i, ,11; real gJH 'l i .i ii-' i -mi of Hi. iKhlvjrfnlB icon or poll ii unihli,'. ani"-! ilrownod out their . in TgB h HI 111 ton, I - r. I n.y J j to go throu'li H aRln. nor PoUgam ollhcr Hoi la a iiml onit t I , - i , h , ills tin lav KHpie.