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Show S5$$e3jSS $'$ $ : DliFiDmi S J $ $ $ J j ? $ J s "It was about this time, or some years later," continues Gin'ral Merceer, "that I received ividince iv th' capn's guilt.' I made it mesilf. It was a letter let-ter written be me fr'm th' Cap. to a German grocer askin' f'r twinty r-rounds iv sausage. (Turmoil in th' coort.) It was impossible, mon colonel, that this here letter cud have been written be Estherhazy. In th' first place, he was in Paris at th' time: in th' sicond place, he was in London. Th' letter is not in his handwritin', but in th' handwritin' iv Col. Pat th' Clam. Thin again I wrote th' letter mesilf. Thin who cud 've written it? It must 've been Cap. Dhryfuss. (Cheers fr'm coort.) I give me reasons as they occurred oc-curred to me: First, th' Armeenyan athrocities; sicond, th' risignation iv Gin'ral Alger; third, th' marriage iv Prince Lobengula: fourth, th' scarcity iv s.arvint girls in th' sooburban towns; fifth, th' price iv gas. (Cries iv "Abase th' price iv gas.") Cap. Dhryfuss was settin' on th' win-diow-sill whistlin' "Garry Owen" an' i makin faces at th' gallant corryspon- j dint iv th' Daily Wrongs iv Man. At this point he cried out, laughingly: "I will not conthradict th' gin'ral. I will say he lies. I saw th' letter mesilf an' that man was Estherhazy." (Sensation.) (Sensa-tion.) "Let me ask this canal iv a Jew a question," says th' correspondint iv th' Evening Kothscheeld Roaster, a Fr-rinchman be th' name iv Sol Levi, i "Ask it!" says Cap. Dhryfuss. I "You are a despicable thraitor," says j th' gallant corryspondint. (Sensation.) "Th' pris'nor must answer," says' th' I coort. "It is now nearly 6 o'clock iv th' mornin' an' time to get up an dhress." "I refuse to make anny commint," says Cap. Dhryfuss. Th' pris'nor's remarks, uttered in tones iv despair, caused gr-reat emotion in th' aujience. There were angry cries iv "Lynch him!" an' all eyes were turned to th' Cap. "Silence!" roared th' coort, bendin' a stern, inflexible look on th' pris'nor. "This is a. coort iv justice. We ar're disposed f'r to gr-rant iv'ry indulgence, indul-gence, but if outsiders persist in in-i in-i therfe'rin' with these proceedin's," he says, "we'll expell thim fr'm th' room. What does th' pris'nor think this is?" "I thought it was a thrile," says th' captain, "but be th" number iv vet'ran journalists here it must be th' opening iv a new hotel." "Cap," says th' prisidint, "what ye I got to say to this? Did ye write th' letter?" "I did," says the Cap. "Throw him out, thin," says th' prisidint. pris-idint. "We must be guided be th' laws iv ividence. Th' witness will confine himsilf to forgeries. Have ye ,e'er a forgery about ye'er clothes; mon. gin'ral?" gin'-ral?" ' "I wish to confront th' witness," says Mather Blamange. "Set down!" says th' prisidint. "D'ye raymimber meetin' me at dinner din-ner at Moosoo de Bozoo's? It was years ago, durin' th' time iv Napolyon, befure th' big fire. If I raymimber r-right we had peas. Wasn't it a lovely love-ly night? Oh, dear, oh, deaf, gintle-men gintle-men iv th' press an mon prisidint, ye j ought to have been there. Well, 1 says to Gin'ral Billot, I says: 'Gin'ral,' I says, 'how ar're ye, annyhow?' An' th' gen'ral replies: "F'r an' ol' man, well.' I made up me mind thin that th' Cap was innocint, an' this was befure he was born. "Me distinguished colleague in . th' thrile iv this Case, th' editor iv wan iv th' Paris papers," says th' prisidint, "has received a letter fr'm th' military attachay or spy iv th' Impror iv Aus-thrich, Aus-thrich, ssyin' that he did not write th' letter referred to by Prisidint Kruger, an' if he did it's a forgery. But what cud ye ixpict? I will throw both letters let-ters into th' secret dossier." "What's that?" savs Matther Rla- mange. "It's a collection iv pomes wrote to th' Paris papers bo spies," says th' prisidint. "Call Colonel Peekhart if th' others ar're not through. What, you again, Peekhart? Sit down, sir." "Gintlemen in Fr-rance," says Colonel Colo-nel Peekhart, "unaccustomed as I am to public speakin', I wish to addhress ye a few wurruds on the situation iv th' poor in China." "Assassin!" hisses th' coort. "Canal," says Matther Blamange. "Mon colonel," says a former minister minis-ter iv th' Fr-rineh gover'mint, who was th' policeman at th' dure? "Judge Crazy th' Boorepare is here demandin' to be heard." "Gr-reat hivins," says th' coort, an they wint out through th' windows. That night they was gr-reat excitement excite-ment in Rennes. Th' citizens dhrivin' home their cows cud har'ly make their way through th' excited throngs on. th' sthreet. Th' corryspondints 'iv th' English papers" do riot dare to go to bed befure 9 o'clock' on account iv rn-! mors iv a gin'ral massacre. Madame Sarah Bernhardt gave a magnificent performance at th' theaytre an' was wildly cheered. It was believed in London, Lon-don, Budapest, Posen, New York, Cookham an' Upper Sandusky that Fr-rance was about to parish. As I go to press th' news has excited no comment in Fr-rance. , |