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Show A-14 The Park Record SatSunMonTues, March 27-30, 2004 MORE DOGS ON MAIN STREET fy By Tom Clyde II 1 iW 'S-- . .... .... . '. - - '"- , 1 N Salt Uke 467-2701 2970 Highland Dr. M-F 10-7 Sat 10-6 Park City 645-7072 1890 Bonanza Dr. Mon-Sat 10-6 Draper 495-2300 11400 So. State St. Mon-Sat 10-6 uxury DURABILITY We have been specializing in leather furniture for over 10 years. Our experts can nelp you select the leather that can meet the demands of your active lifestyle. While initially more expensive than fabric, leather is recognized as a better investment overtime. Because it is a natural material, it "breaths" making it cool in the summer and warm in the winter. : ft, 205 GOLDEN EAGLE DRIVE AMERICAN FLAG . ; ORIGINALLY PURCHASED IN 1998 FOROVER$135 MILLION EXTREMELY MOTIVATED SELLER NOW PRICED AT $1,049,000 I" Approx. 4,326 sq. ft., 4 bedrooms3.5 baths. Home built in 1998 Incredible views of the surrounding mountains. 3 Car heated garage River rock fireplace, soaring vaulted ceilings with wood beams & . floor-to-ceiling windows. 36" Viking cooktop, granite countertops, .'1 1 " .-.--48? ? yrf5-"'. and cherry finish alder cabinets. -Ti ls VHT --., t". 90- .V r y til W lr REAL EST ATE II L Thirteen-year olds run national security I've been captivated by the televised hearings of the administration decided to let a plane load of the 911 Commission this week. This is the panel Saudi royals and bin Laden relatives fly home on set up to investigate what went wrong with the September 12, while the rest of America was ground-nation ground-nation s intelligence system allowing something like ed in airports in absolute panic. We really can't recall. 911 to slip through the cracks. The primary function Somebody must have made a decision, but nobody of the federal government is protecting us from remembers who. It takes a ream of paper to procure things like that. We were attacked; the defense and paperclips, but a decision to let the Saudi Royal fam-intelligence fam-intelligence systems didn't stop it. That's failure. This ily round up their friends and relatives and skip town commission is supposed to determine whether it was happens without any record at all. Mistakes were an avoidable failure, or something that could not made. have been stopped. The question is how to fix the sys- What's really alarming to me is that the inner tern so it doesn't happen again. Pretty important workings of the most essential function of govern- stuff. You might say it goes to the very essence of ment appear to run on about the same level as the why we have a federal government. junior high school lunchroom. The CIA won't sit by This is the commission that President Bush grudg- the FBI because the FBI has cooties. The Pentagon ingly agreed to spend one hour talking to. One hour, jocks dont want to talk to the dweebs at the State but not with the whole commission, just with a sub- Department. This table has a juicy secret that they committee. In private, off the record. Under pres- wont share with that lunch table. These people have sure, he agreed to fudge the hour a little, maybe to an nuclear weapons, run plots for covert assassinations, hour and a half. His top control of the world's staff people will not be ; biggest army, but allowed to testify in the D I What's really alarming tO me IS when push comes to SfcfStfld that the inner workings of the most tZiL 71 sion in private, not essential function of government appear year oids. The only iMJiS1-. to run on about the same level as the 2?,., Bush really wants to get junior high SChOOl lunchrOOm. " fault." to the bottom of this just "We did every-as every-as soon as the election is hmmhmmmmhmhmmmhmm thing possible," they over. aH said. Everything It's hauntingly reminiscent of the Watergate hear- except connect pieces of information that were readings. read-ings. Between classes, I used to join a crowd of per- ily available in each of a dozen or so separate depart-haps depart-haps hundreds of other students sitting on the floor ments, who won't talk to other departments. It looks of the Union Building watching a very small TV like there was enough information there to have at broadcasting the hearings. There were stars, there least put them on the trail of the 911 plot. They may were rouges, and there was a whole lot of tail cover- not have been able to prevent it. Hindsight is always ing. The curtain had been pulled back, and we were perfect. But it looks like there was enough known seeing the inner workings of government. It was information that, had they been doing their jobs, more like a colonoscopy than perhaps we would have there is a pretty good chance that things might have liked. been disrupted. The blame goes all the way back The 911 commission is no different. You would through the Clinton years, too. This isn't exclusively think that people involved in the national security Bush's screw up. apparatus would have the memories of events before Clarke's testimony was an hour and a half of tele- and after 911 seared into their minds. But with the vision that ought to be required viewing for every cit- exception of Richard Clarke, there is a shocking fail- izen. He is the John Dean of the whole affair. He ure of memory among these officials. It doesn't mat- started out stating the obvious: The government ter if they were serving under Clinton or Bush, or in failed in its most fundamental obligation to its citi- several cases, career people serving under both, zens; individuals within the government failed to do They simply have no recollection. So I think I know their jobs; he personally failed; the result was a cata- what's wrong: The national security people are all strophe. Then, as if actually acknowledging responsi- senile. bility weren't enough, he apologized to the families of Richard Armitage, who was sent in place of Condi the people who died that day. We didn't do all that Rice because she doesn't do Congressional commit- could have been done to prevent that attack. When tees, was pathetic. He's a big fat gasbag like Sgt. was the last time you heard a government official Schultz from "Hogan's Heros." "I know nothink," he accept responsibility for something that went terribly said over and over again, waggling his blubbery jowls wrong? in visible contempt of the whole affair. "I know Clarke is the Lone Ranger. Everybody else is nothink." So, Richard, if you know so little, what suffering from memory loss and scurrying around exactly is it that we are paying you for? covering their tails. Fingerprints are being erased What's funny is that they are all quick to discredit from every decision and every lapse. Terror hap- Richard Clarke. Clarke has been the counter-terror- pens. But at least one 30-year veteran of the nation-ism nation-ism specialist since the Reagan administration, Thirty . ,al security prgajnization was honest enough to admit years of service under four presidents. : "He's just try- that terror is more likely to happen when people ing to sell his book," they say. "He has it all wrong, fail to do their jobs. and is sensationalizing who said what to peddle his Tom c, Je is a fomier attomev am mthor of book. But when asked for their version of what hap- Mon Dogs m Main Street He has jeen a coimmist pened, the minds grow dim. A great example is why for Park Record for more thm a decade WW SATURDAY MORN I NO By Linda Gorton and Monika Guendner n Spring unemployment guide you know you've been in Park City too long include, drinking in bars in Salt Lake (not very popu-when. popu-when. . . your unemployment checks go directly lar,) drinking in the local National Parks, and drink-to drink-to savings because you have mastered the art of bar- ing in Southern Utah (the most popular option.) taring. . Sleeping is another, very popular, spring activity. Spring in Park City is one of our favorite times of Chances are you are sleep deprived from endless year. The resorts close down; tourism slows to a trick- hours of work during the ski season. It is imperative lc, and the ranks of the unemployed swell to numbers that you make up for all of that lost sleep. We rec-that rec-that would rival that of a Third World country. It's all ommend a daily wake time of noon, followed by a a part of the cycle of life in our little corner of the mid-afternoon nap. If you are up late at night drink-world. drink-world. Spring lets us kick back and enjoy life for a ing with your unemployed cohorts, you will need to few weeks, but only if we are prepared. The follow- sleep until 4 p.m. and take a mid evening nap. ing is a guide to help you enjoy and survive this chal- How to care for your pets when unemployed: If lenging time you have extra money. Unemployment s you can spend it on checks: The first thing fa B Onrp vnn havp vnnr rhprle an Pet food However-that However-that needs to be done UnCe 10U ndVe YOUr CneCK, fifO many of you wil, not when you find yourself directly tO the grocery Store... StOCKing Up have extra money and rSXng-fe. In on beer is the most important step in this ler,ivrwU.?swi!o hand, down to the prOCeSS, aS yOLir life Will nOW reVOlve feed your beloved unemployment office. arniinH it " companion. Top Register yourself, wait oiuuiiu ll. Ramen noodles are two weeks, collect - good, but insufficient, your check and go It is likely that your shopping. pet has carnivorous Stock up on necessities: Once you have your tendencies. With this in mind, there are a lot of great check, go directly to the grocery store and stock up restaurants in Old Town and they all use dumpsters on items to get you through until your summer job out back. Encourage your pet to scavenge for food in starts: Top Ramen noodles, deodorant, toothpaste, these dumpsters. Trust us, with this method your pet and beer ..; lots of beer. Stocking up on beer is the will eat better than you. Another effective method most important step in this process, as your life will for feeding your pet is to encourage himher to stand now revolve around it. outside of Main Street restaurants and stare patheti- How to use beer: Beer is the equivalent of curren- cally in the windows. Concerned restaurant patrons cy during the shoulder season. It can be bartered for will feel badly for your pet and most likely bring your goods and services. If you already have deodorant, pet a treat from inside. toothpaste and Top Ramen noodles, use all of your What to tell your family: This is important because funds to purchase beer. Car repairs, home repairs, many parents do not understand being unemployed, gear repairs, massages, pedicures, escorts, clothing. They have never been privy to the luxury of sleeping dinners, small countries and more can be bartered for in on a daily basis and having no real income, with beer. Beware: parents will try to dissuade you from this Rent: Of course, you still need a roof over your lifestyle. You must stand your ground ... say it loud, head and many people choose to rent. In most cases, "I'm unemployed, and I'm proud." You've worked beer can be used to pay for your accommodations, hard all winter. You deserve a rest. Tell your family However, if your landlord does not need the beer (he that your place of employment has sent you down to may have other renters who choose to pay in beer) Moab for a few weeks to work at their satellite loca- services can sometimes be bartered. Try window tion, and that your cell phone doesn't get reception washing, lawn mowing, house cleaning or even offer there. They will believe it. to file down your landlord's foot calluses. Many land- Enjoy your break: Around here, a break from the lords will accept these services in lieu of payment and rigors of seasonal work is a moral imperative. Ride you can drink the beer you saved so the tasks will not your bike, go hiking or camping, fish, or just lay there seem quite as dull or distasteful. If your landlord will like slug with drool seeping out of the corner of your not barter for rent, you may want to consider moving mouth. Whatever your choice, you've worked hard to a campground or the backyard of an unoccupied and deserve a break. Don't let the naysayers get you house. down. They don't know what they're missing. What to do with all your new-found free time: You Linda Gorton md Monika Guendner are , f(f and hundreds of other locals will have plenty o' free hosts ofthe KPCW classifieds Show. Linda also works time to kill. Traditionally, this time has been spent for American Skiing Company. Monika works three drinking in bars on Main Street. Other options including business editor at The Park Record ( |