Show TOBEOT TUESDAY 113 ARE MAIMED Logan Canyon River Will Flood Stadium APRIL 26 1927 Little Interviews Pulmotors or Smelling Salts Fail to Revive Rush Victims L J I Charlotte Lends Helping Hand J f t I’lans have been perfected amt anounecil by President E G tV- ersen discoverer of the stadium site for deflecting Igan River across College Hill and into the tadium pit during seasons when the arena is not in use I Sals the prexy walking ' j fi£ t I Pd -- ip-- tH UIIJOII Uea'Ue u and happening to glance down noticed ie'gan river near my fort Being always eagerly observant for any natuial resources wliuli might be old developed lo aid our guild -- river strode Imme I and tailed up I’ It is 130 ALG (after Lin- A ford goes at the Dormitory voice asks over the telephone "Who is this?” Miss Dancy: "Me" Voice: “This is the State Power plant Are all the campus lights burning’ We are having transformer trouble with the here " I Miss )ancry Heed hut I’ll see a few minutes " She- - slips- on a dainty klqjoq w hieh causes her to tumble down stairs Then she goes around to various points of van- itge on the campus and finds the lights all on Returning she calls the power plant "The lights are all burning I - mum diutlv seized UM'n It eluded my grasp and flowed on down the canyon I Ear frem being nonplused school Logan brightly” Kind Voice “ Would you blow them out please?” V' and Coach linmney I to g I her with these men who furnish- -- ed— goclituciU hio e --i'Jiyi ned to flood! he stadium as before mentioned and to hold Intercollegiate boat races and regattas in the future and umlei my At my instigation supervision the H Y P and P of U are developing similar schemes In addition lo the sport consideration this artificial lake will also serve for the cultivation of goldfish and pollywogs the sale of which will pay for these improvements within three nr four years The Sophomore classes will also regard me from geneiation to genlor benefat tor eration as their hitherto there have been no convenient facilities for drowning Cardon Freshmen on Page Four) (Continued Three Profs Laid Out in Scrap Anti-chap- el West N A Pedersen F I L Wanlass are In the Ftah-Idah- o hospital as a result of student I)rs and W outbursts against the Senate lull No 13 which recently went into effect that no school This law provides supported by public funds may deat attendance mand compulsory in the results this because chapel abudgement of the rights of the individual as guaranteed by the constitution of the United States members of the The foregoing faculty were trying to explain away the students objections when the noting began It is understood that Merril Harley Perce Barrows Scott Monson were Nelson and Roland leaders Among the rioters who a return to the compulsory ‘ chapel system Pres E G Peterson is at present attempting a reconciliation of the (Continued on Page Four) WAR IMINTER-FEUN- E For Future Regattas Faculty Committee Formulates Plan to Utilize Natural HUE Prexy-Ele- Scott Nelson editor elect of "Student Hies” smiles above When the staff photographer approached ct Resigns 'Wanted OniyPublicity iMsnujy nngur and consternation rwgiird among the muny friends of V Mel rill Johnson recently elected student IhhIv President when it was Lamed that he had teudered Ids Although resignation to the of fire e erj one is ertain that Johnson i' without executive ability has no m’Iim1 of hiiifi r is without ideas of thhi' owi and is a rotten golf jlaer 'he igie tlut he is the best man in si ho d fur the job would look well on the assembly platform and can take a joke without know mg it is on himself acAs defeme against the bitter cusation" of his Mip(orters Johnson Hue to the untiring efforts of In- pleads temiMirary insanit ami that land Skanchy and Alden Lillywhite his sde renMUt for remaining in' the local boys the sale and race was an insatiatable craving for of light wines and consumption notoriety beers has been legalized in his speech before GENE C ALLAHAN SHOT AT Lillywhite rongress cinched the argument foi 400 CADETS REJOICE the wets when he said: “If a cat lish swims ten miles up a two mile railroad track how many se d will Exceeding Joy permeates the Aga cross-eye- d kangaroo with a rubber gie ranks this morning The cause leg kick out of a dill pickle? Rhe- of such boundless rejoicing is the Because a horse startling news that Sergt “Thoutorical answer: can't eat a bit” (Applause from the sand Damns” Callahan stopped five leaden pellets this morning at dawn gallery! and others Skaiirhy's argument that the ef- His existence was deemed a menacfects of soda water on the progeny ing factor in the Internal peace of of a guinea pig Is more harmful the nation by the military “high than that of gin won a number of up3” in Washington Callahan found guilty of disclosvotes Credit should be given also to ing to unreliable parties the loca"Boots” Pearse "Brick” Sorenson tion of strategic military positions if and Perce Harrows for their undy- Cache Valley was convicted of high treason by the Supreme Court and ing efforts in putting this amendBarrows waxed elo- sentenced to be shot at Four hunment across that no dred R O T C cadets seconded the quent when he claimed decision on Page Three) f Continued "Nels" as he later insisted on being called bashfully retreated behind a lilac bush Little Seottie is dressed in his new Sunday suit "Notice the big shiney buttons!” he boastfully cried Scotty is the little 3on of Mr and Mrs Nelson Skanchy - Lillywhite Debate Overwhelms Dry Opposition n Ten squads working feverishly under the direction of N A Pedersen and Joe Havertz Sr reuort-ethat their eftorts with pulmotors and smelling salts bad not sufficed lu appreciably cut the expected death list from the race riots of last week Up until n ten oclock last night only gory mangled corpses had from the debris been recovered thoie ware 113 maimed women in various stages of recovery in an emergency intirmary at Smart gym ami but seven were musing Mis Charlotte Dancey intrepid lead" oPthe DdThi iTCTy contingent? cotmues missing This daring capa tain was last seen brandishing newly-bakehuckleberry pie leading her diminished squad of seven against a powerful legion of Zeta Chis armed with adamantine rolls troni the ovens of the Freshman cooking class Une of the bravest stands in history was recorded when a party ot five Betas confined in the bell tower withheld a combined force of d mter-soron- ty forty-seve- Thetas- -- azid -- Soasm-far IweiitY-six hours before auccumbmg Under a hail of cream puffs the attackeis urged on by Charlotte Kyle stormed the citadel Alice Hanson and Mary Bennett the human flies attempted to scale the tower but were repulsed when the dauntless Betas guided by General Stoker loosed a bliizard of cayenne pepper ih the face of the enemy Heaviest casualties of the entire battle followed from the convulsive sneezing thus occasioned After a full day of agonizing siege Hortense Swendsen who had not eaten for thirty hours betrayed the cau-- e of the captives by lapping up the meager supply of whipped cream which was their only remaining ammunition It Is said by Les Pocock and Sefinancial authorcretary Bernt8en ities that "Calvin” Cooley will net over three million dollars from his munitions manufactory in the erst while cafeteria kitchen While opinion varies as to the cause of this epic struggle it is conceded by most authorities that disputes arising over the comparative sex appeal of Zeus Worthington and Pratt Allred were to blame Hurren Enters Movies Hurren lately of the U because of his ability as a especially when making a nomination speech has fallen Into fame fortune and glory everlasting Director E Cates representative of the Cecil B DeMllle cinema producers who has for three months been searching the west for a "type" feels fortunate in securing Mr Hurren Hurren will take the title role in De Mills greatest production David G A C "Napoleon” pose-strik- |