Show BILL XYE ON SLEEPY The f Humorists SLEEP-Y Idea JIi R t grd toe to-e theE sential i r Sferp under favorable circumstances is agreat boon Sleep if natural and undisturbed is surely as useful as any other scientific discovery Sleep whether ministered at home or abroad under the soporific Influences of an underpaid preacher or the unyielding un-yielding cellar door that is used as a blanket in the Sleeping car is a harmless harm-less dissipation rod a cheerful relaxation relaxa-tion tionLet Let me study a man for the first hour after he has wakened and I will judge him more correctly than I would to watch him all winter in the Legislature NWlbuik we are pretty well acquainted with our friends but we are not thoroughly thor-oughly conversant with their peculiarities peculiari-ties until we haveseen them waite up in thtmllrn 1g I have often looked at the men I meet and thought what a shock it must be to the wives of some of them to wait up and see their husbands before they have tiHii time to prepare and while their minds art still cbuoUc The firt glimpse of a large fat man whose brain has drooped down behind his ears and whose win cry breath wan rers around through the catacombs o his head and then emerges from his nostrils with a shrill snort like the yelp of the damned must be a cbalmin pic lime for the eye of a delicate ana beautiful beau-tiful second wife one who loves to look on green meadows and glorious land scjijiej one who has always wakened woo s song and a ripple of laughter ghdfa1 Ce11s gh gIuf that fell on her fathers heart like a nower of sunshine in the sombre green of tho valley It is a pet theory of mine that to be pleasantly wakened is half the battle for the day If we could be wakened by the refrain of a joyous song instead ol having our teeth knocked out by one of those patent pillowsham holders hold-ers that sit up on their hind feet at the bead of the bed until we dream that we are just about to enter Paradhe and have just passed our competitive ex animation and which then swoop down and mash us across the bridge of the nose there would beless inanity in our land and death would be regarded more 111 the light of a calamity When you waken a child do it in a pleaant wav Do not take him by the ear and pull hits onto bed It is disagreeable dis-agreeable for the child and injures the general tout cniemble of the ear Where children go to sleep with tearaVin their cheeks and are wakened by the yowl of dyspeptic parents they have a pretty good excuse for crime in after years If r sat on the benin in uch cases I would mitigate the J > enl nce It N a genuine pleasure for me tow to-w ke up a Rood natured child in a good natured way Surely it M better from those dimpled lids to chase the sleep with a caress than to knock out slumber slum-ber with a harsh word and a bed slat No one should be smldinlv wakened from sound sleep A sudden a aking reverses the magnetic currents and makes the hair pull to borrow an expression ex-pression from Dame The awaking iiioulJ be natural gradual and deliberate deliber-ate A sad thing occurred last summer on n Omaha train It was a very warm < ay and in the smoking car n fat man with a magenta fringe of whiskers over Ins Adams apple and l a light ecru lambreqn n of real camels hair around the suburbs of hIs head might have been discovered He could have opened his month wider perhaps but not without injuring injur-ing the mainxpringof his neckand turn inn his epulottisout doors He was a eep He was not only slumbering but he was putting the earnestness and pas slonat devotion of his whole being into it His shiny oilcloth grip with the roguish tip of a discarded collar just peeping out at Xheajle4waa up in the iron wall pocket oMlie car He also b dln the Seat with him a market basket full of misfit lunch and a two bushel bag containing extra apparel On theiTour he had a crock of butter with btrrif j the PankVllhr Palladium and Stock + 6 rovers Guardian over the topHe He slumbered on in a rambling sort of a way scoring all the time in mon syllabletexcept when heerroneouslv swallowed hi ± tonsils and then he would struggle awhile and get black in the lace while the passengers vain y hoped that bed strangled 0 While be wasUbus slumbering with all the eloquenre and enthuasiasm of a man in the full meridian of life the train stopped with a lurch and the brakeman touched bis shoulder Heres your town hp aid We only stop a minute Youll have to hustler hustle-r foe man who had < been far awav wresiJing pith iMorpbeus bad removed his bat aridMroot and when he awoke his feet absolutely refused to go back into the same quarters At frit bpjLucked around reproachfully reproach-fully at the people m the car J hen he reached up and got his oilcloth grip from the bracket The bag was tied totether with aslrUtg and as betooTfifdown the stnng7untfed 4 Then we all discovered discov-ered thai lbSsman bad been on the raid for a long time with no object apparently appar-ently except to evade laundries All kinds of articles fell out in the aisle I remember seeing a c1Jettprol ctor and a linen coat a slat I of enl ruwn gingerbread gin-gerbread and a pair of toga boots a heir brush and a bologna saunge a plug of tobacco and a porous plaster lie gathered up what he ould in both arms made two trips to the door and threw out all be could tried again to put his number eleven ftet Into his ntfmber nine boot gave it up and I ocked himself out of the car as it begin be-gin to more whilr the brakesman bombarded bom-barded him through thIS window for Hvo miles with personal property gro4 cedes dry good38b rdware notions boots and shoes gents urnbhinggoods hnc abrac red herrings clothing doughnuts vinegar bitters and facet cu < rtunrks y I Then he picked up the retired snore V rai road check from the teat and I heard him say Why dog oa it that I wasnt hiS town alter all Chicago CUTt 1 |