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Show ITho man who Insists that tho world owes him a living Is usually a very poor eollcrtor! As time goes on apaco ho Is apt to bo found In tho front parlor par-lor of n livery stable playing checkers with others of tho world's creditors, whllo his faithful wlfo Is busily engaged en-gaged In collecting his Just dues by chnslng miscellaneous under brooches up and down tho family washboard! ' Tho man who has a living coming to him from this woild Is frequently out , of chewing tobacco and fish hooks. Ho Is apt to bo ono of thoso town pruno-grnbbers pruno-grnbbers who never pass a grocer's display without taking an applo or a handful of raisins, who Is always on hnnd at a church soclablo and was never known to miss n freo sugaring- off or a political roast-ox function, since tho day tho world first becamo Indebted to him. If Illness icps him at homo from an Invitation to dlno out, ho recovers slowly and considers tho feed a dond loss, and a mean disposition disposi-tion of Providence to bar him from ' claiming his rightful heritage! , Occasionally ho Is elected to tho : oftlco of Justice of tho peace, or town l constable, In which position ho con- i tlnues to collect that which Is due him, even from tho widows nnd orphans! or-phans! In our mind's oyo wo can Beo J , him as though faco to face. His fig- s , uro Is stooped from oxcosslvo reach- , . lug after that ho has not earned. His clothes aro of tho vlntago of 73. Ho f !?!' i Is nlcotlno soaked nnd nlcotlno KpW,s smoked. His tectn nro foul and his Wr- , faro Is leathern. Thcro Is a suspicious MW odor about him that suggests ho has H, not bathed for at leaBt a day and a vm , half. Ho Is an oracle and a wlso-guy, JH& an excuse for Independent manhood, Hp nnd a curse to dependent womanhood! Mfe'' As n pattern after Shakespearo's no- P blc man, he Is about tho worst that aH ever happened! In other words, "ho Is Hi tho limit." ' " SKt ' . Tho St. Louis papors nro announcing fmjk. ' . with considerable eclat that tho Sultan BWfe ' of Sulu may visit tho Louisiana Pur- MgjF' chaso Exposition. It Is understood that MkM, tho Individual who promises to attond HJP':,V tho St. Louis function 1b tho real Sulu BEr" sultan and not the Qeorgo Ado Imltn- HBf tlon. Should tho sultan decide to EK,- come, It is further said that ho will Ik' ' bring "his collection of pearls," the jftfiV- finest in tho, world and possibly his y retlnuo of wives, also alleged to bo BjSyv tho finest extant. Many of us are &9HL hoping that tho Sulu nabob may really IHif and truly send his wives oven If ho can jfcHsV not como blmsolf with his pearls. We wmpi'K have always had sort of -a hankering Xk' , to seo a large-sized harem. A man pHIL'' could stand In front of a big moss of MBS; beauty like that and mentally choose Sp tho ono his fancy fancied. Ho could Uf also mentally measure tho tr'lalB of a 9p:' man with as many wives as that RRsK for of courso thcro aro no roses in jjyjE', this world without tho attondant jPBl-, It Is said thcro aro harems in this BML'.' country, but llko tho people of New BiKlf York city who soldom go sightseeing, pflk wo miss much of tho home entertain- EMf,,, - ment and cannot vouch for tho assor- 5 f tlon. Do this as it may, a Sulu harem feBr , at the St. Louis fair would draw like BK - ' a mustard plaster on a dude's back. EJEL Welcome, ladles, welcome! Bfcv " BMswy Tho bock-beor sign, that lndlspensa- jBfC bio authority, admonishes us that IHjtif spring is here. Synonymous with the B-. picture of the goat rampant upon a Hm pony-keg, tho rural editor notes faco- mm tlously that "spring has sprung, gen- K', tlo Annie!" Now that she bos Indoed 9Hv' Dpi ung, lot us consider her! BK First, let us bewarol Sho Is a jKtut , . fickle Jade. To-day sho may shed hor HL effulgent balm upon us, regale us HpL with her sunny showers, her odorous MBit aroma to-morrow, chill us whoro we ' wore our rod flannols and perspired I HP' Once upon a tlrao Arlstotlo pormtttod BMyf his confldenco to find lodgment In K ' ' Spring's voluptuous bosom! Ono rosy HwjJ morning when all naturo was In tune HjBjfc1 and tho earth seemed stoopod In hon- HHli csty of purpose, he saw a sparrow fly I BBr-'? High aloft In the ethereal azure his K. eye followed hor flight and tho sun Hp tli ono! Straightway Aristotle went wEg ' to his wlfo and demanded his game K j, underwear "the ones with the ribs Ky,,) ln em" Aftor hunting thiough elov- BB; " cn bureau drawors, seven trunks and WmW, an aero of band-boxes, sho found the HHK, anatomy covers in tho escritoire BBfe' drawer In tho guest's chamber. Hfp "Careless woman," cried Aristotle, MM "U Is n wonder they wore not stolen RP'! long ago!" ft.W: Then ho took them ungratefully k' " find undressed, to find, upon trial, KJEJ.;', that tho Bummer things needed the EX& sumo sort of repairs so common to !' cano furniture. Whllo ho stood EkSt aiound on ont leg grumbling, the E9p good woman rovamped thorn, as Kf' It wore. Then Arlstotlo dressed and K- throwing pn soaio now spring "rag3, KBglt went out on tho parked boulevan' BHjlr Into tho carolling world, as happy n HHL a box-elder bug on a ohtutx curtal IE&mkP in the front parlor, Hut that 1 1 i he came back as humped bs a pine in action. His nnso t I tappy end pinched; there wei 1 K .. pimples on him as big as tho proverbial prover-bial hen's-egg hailstones. His volco sounded llko a horsc-flddlo at n charivari cha-rivari party nnd his teeth tattled like a pair of bones In negro minstrelsy, Tho women folks put him to bod and tho not day ho wrote: "One swallow does not mako spring, nor yet ono lino day!" To this day tho above Ib quoted frequently. Thus we seo the Influence) Influ-ence) of gauze underwear on succeeding succeed-ing generations! 5 5 5 Jack Frost Is universally regarded as the swiftest painter extant. As a brush sllngor, however, Madam Naturo Is some pumpkins. About the time the bfily-goat begins to sniff at tho tin cans In tho alley, brought to view by tho disappearance of a winter's win-ter's snow, Madame Nature gets busy with her can of green pal'nt. On every tree sho hangs her mantle of daub, plates tho grass blades and Blgnals tho cottago owner to get out his lawn mower. Then sho grabs hor tubes of varl-cotors and Is away to tho Bunny, brushy hillsides, whero sho rovcls In anemones, violets, crocuses cro-cuses and wind flowers. Dellcato Is her brush and constant Is her toll, tho pcrfumo of hor presence clinging to her handiwork. When sho has finished fin-ished wo have Spring, the May-day festhals nnd tho May-baskets. As an artist r.lio excels tho mastors. 5 5 5 Solemn thoughts como and abide, oven In tho sprlngtlmo with her flowers flow-ers and birds and promises. "Hut when shall spring visit tho mouldering moulder-ing urnt Oh, when shall It dawn on the night of tho grave?" "Whon shall It dawn on tho night of tho gravo?" Did Boattle mean a spring for those who mourn outsldo tho mound, or for ho who sleeps so qulotly within? If tho former, spring may never come again as once It did, nnd yot Its coming mny sanctify and temper tho heart to kindness, faith and beauty. If tho latter, It must como In tho Great Hereafter. Tho Christian believes In Its coming, the grandest spring of evolution, a spring which mocks tho gravo and outshines earthly llfo as tho arc outshines tho firefly. May It bo Indeed so. 5 5 5 With spring, come tho applo blossoms blos-soms 1 Isn't that worth an cxclnma-tlon cxclnma-tlon point? How they scent tho air aifd call tho bees to buzz among their petals. They carry a man back to tho tlmo when ho was young nnd full of green apples! They transport him to tho thoughts and memories of "yesteryear" "yes-teryear" many years ago! Thoy ro-mind ro-mind him of a rosy checked girl who woro her hair ln a braid straight down her llthosomo back! They hint of school days nnd schoolmates scattered scat-tered to tho winds or slumbering In tho peaceful gravo with headstones far apart! Thoy hint of other things! Sufllco what else! This Is enough! Dream on and on, andMon't wake 'up until you havo tol Dreaming Dream-ing of applo blossom tlmo Is Buch sweet dreaming. J J J As a boy we nevor really believed In spring's arrival unfll wo could dig angle worms out back of tho barn. Boy lore taught us, too, that when anglo worms wero ripe, fish nibbling had begun I Wo paid little attention to tho book-beer sign In thoso days! It is only In raaturcr years that ono learns to regard high art with favor; but tho angle-worm sign nover failed. Thrco days after wo unearthed tho first tcntatuB wlgglelnktum the suckers suck-ers started on a mad stampede up tho crock and every boy In town was out after a string of tho flnnt Suckers and milk was a fashionable dish 'in thoso days! Alat! how our stomach has retrograded I It is a sure sign, anyhow. When you can dig wiggle-Inktums, wiggle-Inktums, "spring has sprung." 5 5 5 When the sap comes! Ha! Then It Is Indeed spring or it is spring, indeed! in-deed! Tako your choice. Often we havo permitted our neighbor's boy to try tho angleworm test while we bored holes in father's maples. We have caught several cans of sap during dur-ing our time, and if we hadn't been so thirsty would no doubt havo "sugared oft" quite a gob of sugar! As a su-garor su-garor off we may havo been a total failure, but as a prognosllcator, we were certainly par excollenco. 5 5 5 Sure sign of spring Ib the Ice man. Not that you havo completely cut him out during the winter from tho Banctlty of your steam-hoatod flat, but his coming Is a sure prognostication hecauso It Is in tho glad sprlngtlmo that he comes to raise the rate! Oh, Fate! that left us handlcappod In this life, with no Ico-house of our own. This is a briefly considered subject, but It saddcnB us to comment broadly upon it. Let us not linger longer In the gloom! 5 5 5 Tennyson calls spring tho "boyhood of tho year." During this adolescent period, too, the ducks fly northward and tho money flies every which way. If you aro n married man you will appreclato this. A good way when you seo your wife coming Is to hunch over, cot busir nnd blurt out: "I haven't n cent!" You won't miss It often enough to count! 5 5 5 What would the farmer do without spring? And tho man who annually prophesies tho ruination of tho or-ango or-ango crop? And thero Is the dressmaker! dress-maker! What would she do It thero wero not now duda to diagram and upholster? 5 5 5 It was In the spring that somebody wrote, "Sweet Ilunch of Lilacs!" We . nr.iember distinctly this "as the Bjiiln tho plepluit all froze |