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Show 1 . -- . 1 :i fHA kj Vv.i - L- - v-- i" Trfir- - x ; v-- w i r'ry.tf IS, J", , r U . The Stars, the dollar fig- ures of the dresses, the number of have Oscars boobs the the paparazzi, Hell, even "The Perfect Storm" managed to tell an involving story and use effects. Instead of thinking, "Look at those awful effects," you think, "Look at that wave!" "The Perfect Storm" deserves the Best Special Effects award, and "Gladiator" deserves to be thrown to the lions. OK, bad joke, but not as bad as that shitty movie. Jeremy's Pick: What a dismal set of nominations the Academy presents us with. How many of these films will be remembered in 10 years? One or two. "Erin Brockovich" is formulaic and repetitive. and was only nominat"Chocolat" is ed because its distributor, Miramax, ran an expensive campaign. The Academy should spend lessttime reading "for your consideration" ads and more time watching movies. "Gladiator" is one of the worst films of 2000. "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" is the second best film nominated, but the Academy will feel it awarded the film in the Best Foreign Film category and didn't need to give it the Best Picture Oscar. "Traffic" Is the best film nominated. Director Steven Soderbergh made an ambitious and significant film. The ensemble piece critiques the war against drugs and is the only Best Picture nominee on my Top 10 list (at number nine). Out of respect for the film medium's reputation as an art form, I cannot in good conscience predict an award for the likely winner, "Gladiator." I simply have too much faith in the Academy. . My pick is Traffic." Shane's Pick; If these were porno flicks, it would be an easy decision.-"HidinMy Dragon in Your Crouching Tiger" would be my choice. But it's not, and neither is that Mandarin film with the flying Wudan and weird sexual imagery represented by the Green Destiny. Nope, my pick is for "Traffic," which is one of the best movies I've seen in a while. I liked it so much, I went to the theaters not once, but twice. And I'm poor. Plus, it made me want to kick my nasty heroin habit, which is saying a lot. high-resolutio- always been about whatever is big. This year, the Oscars seem to be all about which movie had the biggest budget, biggest e marketing campaign, or biggest a of few After draw, years giving props to the iittle guys, the Academy of Motion Pictur e Arts and Sciences is greasing the palms of the fat cats like the announced Irving G. Thalberg Award recipient Dino De Laurentiis, famous for producing quality films like "King Kong Lives," "Flash Gordon" and The Dead box-offic- Zone." And n so-s- o just as glaring as the Academy's producers a attempt to throw the y bone is the Academy's track record in not awarding important films. The Academy has a long history of snubbing many significant films ("Citizen Kane," "Pulp Fiction") and directors (Alfred Hitchcock, Martin Scorcese). This year, however, the Academy members have already outdone themselves. Apparently, the Academy wanted to start the laughs before Steve Martin even stepped onto the stage. What else could explain nom" inations like "Gladiator" and "Erin or Joaquin Phoenix and Albert Finney? And only comedy or a bad track record could explain overlooking films like "Wonder Boys," "High Fidelity" and "Almost Famous." So, given the Academy's track record and its nomination of jerkoff s, don't be surprised if excellent films like "You Can Count on Me" and "Shadow of the Vampire" get passed over for truly inane movies loaded and terrible actors. with "special-effects- " Brock-ovich- big-budg- .af ..- "Chocoaf" "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'' "Erin Brockovich" "Gladiator" "Traffic" f.: r5. in this annual edition of RED jokes about crappy movies that got "snubbed," stuff like "Jack Frost," "Next Friday" and "The Phantom Menace." But this year, we can't even joke about it because the Academy beat us to the punchline when it nominated one of the worst movies of the year, "Gladiator." And it sucks because that joke is always funny. Every year. C'mon..."Gladiator"? It was a huge disappointmentpoorly written, acted and executed. The fact that the film was nominated for 12 awards proves the Academy did not actually Usually we make hilarious nomination for special effects is a joke. The only memorable moment in the film is when a slave looks up in awe and says, "I did not think man could build such things." Cut to a grainy computer-generateColiseum with a loop of two different colors passing by a window and fake birds flying in front of it. d Great stuff. R6 I f. I see it. And its ;H fey " 1 . M W big-mone- ttT" ; ; - COVER STORY - RED Stephen Daldry, "Billy Elliot" ' Ang Lee, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden jj Dragon" f Steven Soderbergh, "Erin Brockovich" Ridley Scott, "Gladiator" Steven Soderbergh, "Traffic" p h r Curtiz has the Academy Not since Michael a director for two different s films. And Soderbergh him by also two Best Picture nominations for the getting films he directed. Anyone can argue that he only deserved a nomination for "Traffic," but don't rain on his parade. Soderbergh signed his death warrant by not picking a favorite of the two, and his place in history will involve two nomina-- . tions and no statuette. Shane's Pick: Because I feel Ridley Scott was overlooked back when "G.I. Jane" was up for nomination, I think the accomplished direc- one-up- tor of "Gladiator" deserves th e award for basically ruining what could have been a really cool movie. Have I mentioned how much I hated "Gladiator"? Good lord. Unfortunately, Soderbergh won't win for "Traffic," which would be my pick. His use of camep grainy footage and some hand-helgave the film a documentary feel, reflecting its origin as a BBC miniseries. He also got the best out of his cast and did the script justice. That, and his filming techniques, make Soderbergh deserving of the If ' rj D f d Oscar. Jeremy's Pick: The Directors Guild of America has spoken. The organization which has a 94 percent accuracy rate picking the same man (it's always a man) that gets the Oscar selected Ang Lee as the year's best director. This is a bit of a surprise, since foreign films generally don't receive any top awards. But Lee made .several films in Hollywood nominee ("The Ice Storm" and "Sense and Sensibility") before his martial-art- s epic, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." Lee's stunning visual work certainly reaches a higher level than Scott's ects work in "Gladiator." If Lee.doesn't win, there should be a rally behind Soderbergh for "Traffic," clearly the best of the two films he is nominated for. Soderbergh, who also photographed the movie, used different color tones for each location the film is shot in Washington D.C. and Ohio, California and Mexico. Best-Pictur- e T7 Javier Bardem, "Before Night Falls" Fussell Crowe, "Gladiator" Tom Hanks, "Cast Away" Sd Harris, "Pollock" M Geoffrey Rush, "Quills" Crowe andfianks Af justice pre- - ' vails, Hanks willi IT Or, just for the oi Ed Harr predict ni ?f T n, l can X Shane's PickAo honor the mart I think should have been nominated fo Best Actor (and who should have won) forliis role in "Thirteen Days" as JFK's adviser, I will write this portion in Kevin CostnerV excellent Boston accent: Yo, it's widiculous dat Wussell Cwowe gawt nawminated fuh Best Aaactah. Oi shoodda been nawminated. But I wahsn't. Fuck. Oh wheel, da dead Kennedy bruddas tell me ta pick Tawm Hanks...again. Da baasted. . w pi ' loan Allen, "The Contender" ' ; Juliette Binoche, "Chocolat" Ellen Burstyn, "Requiem for a Dream" Laura Linney,"You Can Count on Me" Julia Roberts, "Erin Brockovich" seen "Pollock," b) who Javier Bardem is, or c) doesn't pronounce Rush's first name as Probably two or three of you. Congratulations. You have more qualifications than most Academy members. This year's batch of Best Actor nominees is characterized by two famous dudes and those three guys you've either never heard of and haven't seen. Even then, all but one Bardem have been nominated for an Academy Award at some point, and a few have won, like that Tom Hanks fellow. It's nice to see the Academy branch out. Jeremy's Pick: Russell Crowe for "Gladiator?" The Academy didn't award him for his exceLlent work in "The Insider," and I'm supposed to predict he wins an Oscar for "Gladiator?" No way. It's still shocking that Michael Douglas' author and professor in "Wonder Boys" and John Cusack's record-storowner in "High Fidelity" weren't nominated. The only likely winner besides Crowe is Tom Hanks, for carrying "Cast Away." Not many other actors could have made the film bearable. Sure, the other three nominees put in better performances. But they were nominated for show. This award is a fight between So a) "Gee-offrey- g e ?, - ' Best Actor chance Best Actress Ca- in the While theis matchup two people who have-- a against three who don't, the tegory is Julia Roberts against the world. If anyone else wins the Oscar and Roberts pulls off the fake smile, it will be an award-worth- who out there has I g y performance. Shane's Pick: The Academy is freakin' blind, man. Where the hell is Gwyneth? My main lady and secret lover is nowhere f 0 be found this year and it really irritates me. After all, there was "Duets." If you can't get nominated for "Duets," what do you have to do? Take your top off? All right, since I can't pick the very beautiful and immensely talented Paltrow this it year, I'll have to go with...w shit, I can't do man. Just give it to one of the old ladies. They deserve it. After all, they won't be getting too many roles in the future. Jeremy's Pick: And the Oscar goes to...Julia Roberts and her Amazing Wonder Bra. Roberts has everything the Academy looks movie and a for star power, a role requiring nonstop spunk and or bitchi-neshigh-grossin- g s. That said, the thr ee better nominees deserve recognition. Ellen Burstyn gave a brave performance as a lonely widowed housewife who becomes addicted to diet pills in Darren Aronofsky's dark "Requiem for a Dream." Laura Linney was as good in a more subtle "You way with her touching performance, in Can Count on Me." Joan Allen has done consistently solid are work, and while "The Contender's" merits |