Show S Subbing for Walter Wa Winchell Winchell Guest Columnist Reveals Top Toga Jokes Of f Favorite American Persons i I By Harry Hershfield Radio Story Teller and Columnist Value of a painting often depends depends depends de de- de- de on whose nail it hangs from None of these cel celebrities h have ve played vaudeville so there is little danger that their little masterpieces are plagiarisms on the Berle Jessel school Here are some favorite jokes of famous people Al AI Smith SmithA A citizen attended his first political jamboree He wasn't there long before somebody copped his watch He reported it to the district leader who whispered Next to which guy was you stand in last Victim pointed to a fellow in the center of the hall Just dont don't say and It'll hll be e okeh In a few minutes the leader handed the watch over to its owner What did he say asked the grateful man Sh h quiet Sh quiet he dont don't know I got it Mayor LaGuardia Tells this one on himself Two soviet representatives s arrived arrived ar ar- rived at city hall Instead of the expected and accepted costumes of they wore high hats cutaways winged collars spats and carried canes They looked at LaGuardia in baggy and all he could say was Gentlemen I 1 represent the proletariat Fannie Famiie Hurst HurstA A dapper fellow walked into a bakery and ordered a special cake I 1 want it 55 inches in diameter nine dIameter nine layers seven colored frostings In the center centerI I want my initials R. R N N. I want it as soon as possible Ill have it for you in a week was the answer On the appointed day he called inspected the cake It isn't exactly the way 1 I want it change it-change change the yellow frosting to orchid orchid and and the meal ini- 1 I are in the wrong wrong script script- script script-I I want them in Old English take me another day to make the change On the second in inspection inspection inspection in- in the fellow was delighted delight delight- ed Perfect Perfect perfect Where shall I 1 send it sir No place Ill I'll Ill I'll eat it here President Roosevelt Ailing gentleman ambled Into a doctors doctor's office Im having trouble with eyesight and hearIng hear hear- ing Are you a drinking man man Yes doctor That B it stop It-stop stop drinking at once report report report re re- re- re port to me in a month A month later he reported Doc I 1 still have trouble with my eyesight and hearing Did you stop drinking as I 1 told you Nope Hope what what Ive I've been drinking is so much better than what Ive I've been seeing and hearing lat lately V ly I decided decided decided de de- de- de to keep it up Leon Henderson Lawyer to prospective client client cli cli- ent ant If youre you're not in trouble I Ill I'll take the case case if if you are in ina a aa jam and want to get out of it my partner will handle it If youre you're not Involved and want to get into trouble his son who just graduated from law school will take it it Bernard Shaw When Lionel Barrymore was scheduled to appear in Macbeth Macbeth Mac Mac- Macbeth beth there was much doubt among New York ticket brokers whether to buy in before the opening M was the leading lead lead- I ing broker All the specs specs were I Ion on hand for the premiere I j Lionel floundered through the v part Then came came the big moment mo mo- mo- mo I ment his ment-his his shout Lay on MacDuff MacDuff Mac Mac- r I Duff Came the answer from the rear of the house Lay on on 1 McBride TIm Jim Farley Joe Louis in the Polo olo grounds finished an opponent In a few r seconds of the first round After the victim got in his dressing room he didn't say a word word word-he he was still out It was raining The pug put out his hand and moaned Gee this will hurt 1 the gate receipts Oh cracked the manager I forgot to tell you you the the fight was called off |