THAT REMINDS ME. "The other day," said Jones, an old woman bounced into our office displaying dis-playing a notice that we had written to her to the effect that a tax on some property of hers was due. She swore she had paid it. I had the books to prove that the tax was still unpaid, ! and suggested that she had made a mistake. She declared that she had not, and said: " 'Don't you ever make mistakes?' "I assured her that I did not, and jokingly added: 'The only mistake I ever made was when I was married.' j "She looked at me a second, and then said: " 'No; your wife made that mistake.' mis-take.' " A little, dignified-looking man was knocked down by a horse in the street the other evening, and, while brushing his clothing let forth a stream of abuse. "You ought to have the driver arrested," ar-rested," said a passer-by. "That's not what makes me mad,"' said the man, straightening up. "It's the idea of being run over by a horse when there are so many automobiles in town!" - An over-indulgent father had a son whom he fondly imagined had the j money-making instinct of a Morgan and a Gould, so he started him off to New Orleans to speculate in cotton, giving him a substantial sum of cash for that purpose. In the course of a few days he tele-' tele-' graphed to the young man to ask how he was getting. The reply came that he was about even on cotton but nearly near-ly ?20 ahead on poker. The father then wired back: "Drop cotton and stick to poker." It was down south that a woman going go-ing one morning to call upon a friend was met at the door by the small boy of the family, who opened it for her politely. "Good morning,, honey," she said; "is your mamma engaged?" That was a poser, and the child thought for a moment, forgetting to invite the guest to enter. "I fink," he said, finally, having seriously seri-ously considered the matter, "I fink she's married." Exchange. When Major Pond, the well-known lecture manager, was negotiating recently re-cently with Mr. John Kendrick Bangs, author of "Olympian Sights," for the i latter's "talk" on "The Evolution of the Humorist," he made the usual inquiries as to the scope of the lecture. "Well," said Mr. Bangs, "it begins with Adam and Eve and comes down to the present day." "Adam and Eve?" said the major. "Dear me. Bangs, can't you give 'em any humour that antedates the Garden of Eden?" "Well," said Mr. Bangs, reflectively, "I might work In some of your joke3, major." "I am a wretched hand at remembering remem-bering people," said the impecunious young man, "and while this failing of mine has often been embarrassing to me, it actually did me a good turn this morning. I was sitting at my desk in the office when a man came in, walked over to my corner and addressed me affably, calling me by name. His face seemed familiar to me, but to save my life I couldn't place him; but I gave him the glad hand and started to chin with him, hoping that something some-thing would turn up in our conversation conversa-tion that would set me next to his identity. Wre talked casually and pleasantly pleas-antly for a few moments, switched to the political situation and them to the drama, but I was still in the dark. Finally he buttoned ud his on his hat and said he must be getting along. I shook hands with him cordially, cor-dially, told him I was glad he had dropped in, and was still in a quandary quan-dary when he . turned at the door and csme back to my desk, feeling in his pocket for a slip of paper. 'Oh by the way.' he said, 'I'll just leave 'this with you, and I hope you may see your way clear to settle the account at your earliest . convenience.' I took the piece of paper and looked at it It was a laundry bill. My affable visitor vis-itor was a collector." "I have just started to send my boy aged 6, to a kindergarten," said a man yesterday. "His first day at school did not- impress him very favorably, fa-vorably, judging from the conversation conversa-tion I had with him that evening. This is the conversation that passed between be-tween us: 'Well, my boy, how did you like school? 'Not much.' 'Did you learn anything?' 'Nothin' I didn't know before.' 'Tell me what happened.' Well, the teacher wanted to know how to spell dog, and I told her ' What is the use of Sending a kid Pke that to a kindergarten?" A good story isTotoTin conection with one of "Goof Bahawder's" battles with Sikhs, writes Captain Wheeler in "Navy and Army." Gough was a man of extraordinary personal bravery, but he was also extremely reckless and impetuous, and hi9 great idea on all occasions oc-casions was to charge. His staff soon began to see what risks attended this dashing description of tactics in dealing deal-ing with such an enemy as the Sikhs, and It is said that on one occasion they deliberately played their chief a very strange trick. At the commencement commence-ment of one of the more important fights they induced him to mount a high tower which was only accessible by a ladder, the suggestion being that he could better direct the operations from that eminence. Gough climbed to : the top of the tower, and rapidly came ! to the conclusion that the only course j open,, as usual, was to charge. Mean-I Mean-I while the leading members of the staff had withdrawn, and, curiously enough had removed the ladder, leaving the impetuous general no means of descent. de-scent. The story goes that there was no immediate charge, and that the battle bat-tle was won for that reason. e Reminiscences of Dean Hole always prove a mine of anecdotes. The following fol-lowing is a sample. It was related by ! the dean some twenty years ago at a church congress to working men at Derby, and told of a clergyman whose graveyard was sadly over-crowded, except ex-cept on the north side of his church, which, being- damp and drear, was not used for sepulture. The parson went . to a woman who was vey old and ill, and having explained to her that the dislike of the shady side was a mere fancy and superstition, asked her as a favor and for the example of others to give directions that her interment should take place in the vacant portion of the ground. The old lady took a few moments for consideration, and then made answer "Well, sir, as you say that one part's a good an another, an-other, and that it's of no consequence whatever where we're put, p'r'aps you'll gie us a lead." A lad, returning home after a football foot-ball match In Lancashire, went to the barber's to get a shave. Seating himself him-self in the chair he was soon fast asleep, for he had partaken not wisely but too well of strong beverage. The barber shook him, and demanded which he required, a hair cut or a shave. "Shave, please," said he; but his head dropped forward and again he slept. "Now, lad, look tha here, doest want shaving?" said the barber, "becos if tha does, hoold up tha head." "Never mind," said the occupant of the chair, "coot ma hair." j It is told of Dr. Parker that, when a very, very, very young man came to him asking whether he should accept for certain special service a gold watch from an agnostic employer, he replied "Take it, my lad; take it. If he had been a Christian perhaps he would not give it you." ' A village innkeeper was found in bed one morning with his throat badly cut. "Why did you do it?" they asked. He replied, "For amusement: I had nothing noth-ing else to do." This chimes in curiously cur-iously with an old French fpigram on English maners and customs: Here lies Sir John Plompouding of the Grange, Who hung himself one morning for a change. There is a policeman of Falstaffian proportions who is generally to be found on the platform at the station, beneath whose stern exterior beats a heart of jovial tendencies. Yesterday morning he called an awe-stricken boy, and giving him 25 cents, told him to -get a quarter's worth of pigeon milk at a neighboring drug store. The druggist drug-gist was "on." and gave the bov a mix ture of chalk and water, labeling the same "Pigeon Milk." The officer was astounded when the boy handed him his two-ounce bottle of the precious fluid. To make matters worse, the officer of-ficer sent the boy back and asked him to have it changed for a box of vaseline, vase-line, but the druggist explained that as pigeon milk was an article that he had very few calls for, and would spoil if kept over, he was sorry that it would be imposs:ib!e to exchange it.