Show THE j CONQUESTS UES OF CONS CONSTANCE T ANCE I Switchboard Operator at the Hotel Rich I I B BY ALMA IA WOODWARD AnD Copyright 1913 1912 b br the Cress res hlDI Co Tim TIlE i I TT T takes all kinds shy hlo domes p nes to toI tomake I IT don dont don't t It If IfA I make a nu nutter tt r I A smoothed Cr n niggled giggled and the tho III 0 powder on her I nose 11 J Gee If It this here Joint aint a I II observation tower fer simps Ill I'll take I th the e coU count n t There l x aint Ta a day passes asses but so WO get one now new j q variety U uv kink in M th thO koko As I have ve often said saW if It I 1 only oHly had tOe power to produce pen piffle fk ll I Id I'd make my fortune i 1 in inee You Yell seem to be bo having ha nn an ele elegant ant time all b by yourself I complained Suppose you OU spread the sl glad d tidings Heres a dame what got th the Reno fleno dust all creamed cold out uv complexion yet yot she begun began bJ with keen enjoyment an her ex- ex ex scream cream an announces announces en- en flounces hes he's gob to do an an dare again th th second bein th third la tra In inUi th Ui first row ow uv 0 The Melancholy Mn MaW So Jus' Jus cause she's she got a rep f fer fr r doln doin orl original things R an nn an bizarre some word what OJ Friend If goes roe an gets up a a. swell announcement lunch luncheon on for forth forth th thO successor to her place at th foot uv liv the table Givin It right here hore In th canary room mind yuh Uh an au all th guests Is old oM friends uv u uner ner ncr husbands husban s 's Well when I heard It I If It that's bizarre let me bu buy m my goods a at t a store Aint It th tho limit Vh Why next thing thins th thO be putting a ads s. s In th thu papers fer hubby hubby's s next cx- cx his good qualities an Inter- Inter all applicants be before before be- be fore tore the they cut th Ui hawser an set flet him adri adrift ft t nt you be as considerate I queried qu er let Me Ie Why Vh even e If It he uz a bitter memory to me l' l Id I'd muss mus up her face so o oad bad ad shed she'd have to have her features re replanted planted I go o on th principle that what I dont don't know wont won't hurt me But Dut look out ont fer tel me mt when I DO KNOW Im I'm a reg meg white hope when I get goin I 1 r got goat my 01 muscle frum th tho next conquest on th list Ills His name II ram an even though he lie born down In Iii th old fourth ward he thou thought ht he ho ought to live up tip to his name an be a farmer So So- he bought a farm tarm up in Connecticut frum trum a agent an ho he made me take a trI trl trl up there to look It over oyer Well Welt SO say that farm tarm but a layer uv white oak hay entirely a quarry rry But lIt he he could till that soil Mil all nil rl right h t an raise things too There bein no soil soli on th horizon I Id I'd d V a thoU thought ht hed he'd a raised considerable down In th a agents agent's but ho hue went ahead an laid In a stock uv Liv farmin Implements an nn began to engrave things on those Connecticut pebbles with a pI plow 0 I to tor tol him hed he'd make more money a n tombstone foun foundry but he wouldn't listen to me So one day a farmer a R. load uv liv dirt ha had a 4 breakdown right In front uv tuv th place pInel An n Hiram went an an sprinkled th dirt In between th cracks In some rocks an nn sure enough he raised a counie uv radishes Then there no holdin him He made uc his mind mine ho be goin to waste HIS farm on common things like potatoes potatoe an corn an tomatoes No o He w goin to grow row luxuries like artichokes an en endive ha an an alligator pears an nn an probably a tripe trip vine vino or a prune prUDe hatchery hatcher too an ant m make a a. fortune for tor- tun tune e An when hen he had his fortune marie made madewe we wu goin to get married an an Id I'd he th That U to IllS HIS read In uv tuv the the tars stars stirs But h oy by gosh when hen I got to how many chins I Id I'd have b by the time hc hed he'd coax a t alligator ator pear flEar out uv u otic Olle uv IV them young oun boulders I got ot discouraged ed So I purposely lost track uv u I put my 01 t trip ton ticket up there |