| Show Alone on Valentines Day Day SP SIP Van Horn Staff Writer Several Centuries ago on Feb 14 St. St Valentine was executed for doing something or the other that the Roman Emperor didn't like and the day has been a pain ever since Far from being a day of love and candle candlelight candlelight candlelight light Feb 14 has loomed over me as a day of doom and destruction Dont Don't get me wrong Im I'm not unsentimental Its It's just that every year any romance that has been developing in my l life e seems to come to a screeching halt around that day As a result Ive I've become quite an expert on what to do sans sweet heart on that day when the city is swamped en mass with crowds of adoring sick love-sick couples couples- all of whom you'd like to punch in the face for being so disgustingly happy First of all its it's s important to get together with all your single friends so you can all sit around and make disparaging remarks remark about the opposite sex Preferably they should either have been recently dumped or have no love interests at the moment Of course any that have been dumped will naturally swear that they were the ones that did the dumping Its It's wise to stay away from theatres and nice restaurants since this is where the majority of the cuddled masses will be If you must eat out burger joints and pizza parlors are your best bet After a while slandering the other gender and gorging on cheap grea greasy y food will become a bit tiresome and you'll be in inthe inthe inthe the mood for some quality entertainment One of the best bets is the U V of Us U's annual annual an an- nual Love Stinks dance Those who come stag enter at an incredibly low price while couples thoughtless enough to show up must pay through the nose This will be a abig abig abig big hit since deep down all of you dont don't really hate women and because there will probably be a lot of fabulous babes there who also just got dumped If you really luck l ck out you'll meet someone rebound like love crazed basketballs and spend a lot Jot of quality time together somewhere If you'd rather stay completely away from the other half you may want to take a winter dip in the Great Salt Lake This is a great alternative to the cold shower routine since you will catch die and really make her feel guilty or end up in the hospital where you'll get a major dose of sympathy from everyone Except your dad who'll finally be convinced that you really are an idiot Watching a video like the Black Widow Fatal Attraction or if youre you're a girl The Ted Bundy Story Story- or Psycho will kill any longIng longing longing long long- ing you may have to form an intimate relationship At any rate DO NOT NO I repeat DO NOT listen to the radio since every song will remind you of the adorable way in which your love talked walked spoke crossed their eyes or spilled food from their mouths The important thing to remember is that being alone is no big deal since you'll youn probably be alone a lot in your life and that people better than you have gotten dumped by thos not quite your equal In any case any V VDay Day that you spend cannot possibly by as bad as St. St Valentines Valentine's first and only V Day If nothing else at least you get to watch Youre in Love Charlie Charlie Charlie Char- Char lie Brown for the ninth time |
