Show G III-ay III V ay V m an J ik W I 1 4 1 ti J 1 i l' l I d di v trapped in womans woman's woman s body needs help Gloria Quick Columnist I figured out my problem Oh I know what some of you are thinking thinking that that you knew what it was a long time ago Im I'm a sleazy unfair one one- sided male-bashing male mean and hateful gal But besides besides besides be be- sides that I mean I dont don't look on that as a lem Somebody has to counteract Howard Stern Stem and Dan Quayle right Anyway Ive I've figured it out Over the years Ive I've worked with gay colleagues made a friend here and there and I have a lot lotmore lotmore lotmore more in common with gay men than anyone else else we we both like gentle sensitive and loving men My problem is they dont don't like me back Well actually they do But not the way they like each other and that's my problem I am a gay man trapped in a womans woman's body I need a. a Never mind It doesn't matter I bought my own At least a symbol of it The American macho mans manly-man's need besides sex sex sex-a a cool c car r. r I call it my phallic symbol I I fell in love with a lily white Beretta that I saw parked by the Hilton it That's my male assertiveness Im I'm getting one shouted J-shouted out loud Everyone ignored me But then I got to think think- sounds like an Italian word for barrette You know those things little girls put in their hair Not manly enough So I looked at names rather than gorgeous bodies I chose Probe What can I say that the name doesn't But when I saw the Ford Probe it was just too sleek and not tough enough All talk you know So then I looked at a Mitsubishi The dashboard looked like a space ship and I wanted it Oh how I wanted that thing But I looked at the window sticker and it was 25 grand Anyway I wound up with a used Mustang Hey dont don't laugh Its It's an 89 five on the-floor the and that sucker moves I established established established es es- es- es my own manhood Finally GLORIA QUI C K e g But it didn't last I was going out for a drive into the barren desert to prove my manly skills but on the way I spotted a car accessory store I Iwas Iwas Iwas was so in love with Mr Mustang by now that I just wanted to give him a present you know So SoI I skidded in front of the store and went inand now Im I'm back to square one My Mustang became sensitive and caring it wears a bra now But its it's not gay just a cross dresser I just cant can't seem to get into anything stud- stud ly Iy and macho Oh well Back to male bashing Murphy Brown is great and Dan Quayle is a gnat hovering around the ovaries of unwed mothers Ha ha Gotcha |