Show 1 2nd Place by Rose Eddleman Wh What t a difficult thing it was for me to be a ten year old girl The delicate balance be between childhood and adolescence was barely understood and easily upset There were so many changes and mixed feelings inside of of me I wanted to grow but was afraid idof of growth I grew anyway I felt awkward and alone There was a desire to express my myself elf and yet an urgent need for privacy At the tender age of ten I found an answer for these many confusions For a solid month I saved my allowance in order to buy myself a diary Now an entire months month's allowance could buy numerous candy bars and perhaps a movie However I decided that the quest for the diary was an honorable one worthy of such sacrifice I I had it all figured out A diary w would l d fulfill so many of my needs I would be beable able to express my most personal feelings describe all that I held beautiful and all that was putrid and no one would know but me The thought of having my own secret book was rather enticing I was about to gain personal property and with it personal power I planned the trip to the department store carefully Unfortunately everything did not go as planned My mom insisted that my little sister accompany me downtown This was the most important purchase of my young life and I was being forced to bring along a dangly limbed empty headed seven year old who sang Jingle Bells all year long Cathy was a pest She knew nothing of my maturity or my quest She babbled incessantly Where are we going What are we g getting Will you buy me something Why are you hitting me It went on and on Finally I decided to take her into my confidence I told her of my plan to buy a diary She agreed to help me find one in the huge department store but I resented it Cathy had managed to intrude upon my privacy before it had even been obtained We had reached the third floor and were zeroing in on the diaries I felt it in my bones I moved down each aisle calm and car careful ful knowing that in a few moments I would reach the end of my quest Turning a corner I at last saw the shelf I had been seeking Neat stacks of shiny new diaries lay waiting for me I had made it Not only that Cath Cathy was on another aisle Privacy was mine I walked toward the shelf of diaries a mere ten feet away Suddenly Cathy was there before me having rounded the corner from another direction Seeing the shelf full of diaries her face lit up with delight and she yelled ROSEY I FOUND THE AS I was mortified I wanted to lay down and die of embarrassment Instead I ran Not only had my little sister succeeded in publicly humiliating me she had made it impossible for me to buy the long awaited diary fro from this store She ran after me repeating her innocently spoken obscenity which infuriated me Though crying and pleading I dodged her and would not go to her Once we were outside the store and to the bus stop I let her stand beside me again Both of us martyrs we were silent all the way home except for an occasional sob The quest for the diary had been lost and so had most of my dignity Still the episode wasn't fatal Somehow I managed to hang on till age eleven without a diary when I received one as a birthday gift More incredible yet is the fact that by age twelve I had given up on diaries completely But if there is a lesson to learn from all this it has been wasted on me The entire experience will live on forever in my mind as viable blackmail material should my sister ever come into a lot of money The quest for the diary is over but the quest for personal power never ends |