OCR Text |
Show Kathleen Norris Says: Don't Waste Time Being Jealous (Bell Syndicate WNU Service.) r " i. ... I An older woman gave me a hint as to the cause. A pretty young grass widow has been employed there and everyone is quite aware that she and my husband are interested in each other. By KATHLEEN NORRIS JEALOUSY is one of the expensive ex-pensive luxuries. For no other human failing do women pay as high a price as they do for jealousy. It is a compound of all that is insufferable insuf-ferable in our daily lives; hate, fear, humiliation, dissatisfaction. dis-satisfaction. Nothing is right to the woman who is jealous. She may be young, pretty, beloved, be-loved, prosperous, but jeal- me; I can put no other interpretation interpreta-tion upon some of his words. What shall I do? It seems impossible to hold him in these circumstances, ousy will wither all those good things into ashes in her heart, and nothing will matter except ex-cept that someone else has what she wants. As a destroyer of married happiness, happi-ness, jealousy has few equals. It makes of a wife a peering anxious suspicious spy in her own home. She wastes so much time fretting over the charms of the other woman that she loses all charm and sparkle herself. her-self. Nothing makes a woman so pretty as to feel herself important to the man she loves, to know that someone Is deeply devoted to her. Nothing dulls her looks and her manner like the drooping, wretched sensation that some other woman is Infringing upon her married rights. Divorce Different Today. Now we live In the world of 1941, and for women it is a different world and yet my entire life is ruined if I let him go. I won't keep any man beside me against his will, and yet I certainly won't let a woman of that type triumph over me and rob my children of a loved father." Accept the Facts. Here is Joan in 1941 thinking along the lines of well, say 1870. Of COURSE he is considering a divorce, di-vorce, and of COURSE you'll have either to deny him that divorce, or endure the real discomforts and heartaches of separation. That is the way of the world today, to-day, Joan, and you might as well accept ac-cept it. Any woman can try to lure away any other woman's husband, and any man can find plenty of precedent and excuse for abandoning abandon-ing his wife and children and going off with his new love. Why not accept these facts, analyze ana-lyze the possibilities, and build your life along constructive rather than passively helpless lines? Why not firstly, try to become an independent, independ-ent, busy, happy women WITHOUT that marital love that has made these years so pleasant, that dear companionship that you thought would be yours forever? Build Own Life. It is highly possible that if you and the children develop a happy full life of your own, making as few demands as possible upon Dad, asking ask-ing few questions, he will begin to perceive again the charm of the home atmosphere. If he doesn't, if he begins to make life uncomfortable uncomforta-ble for you by demanding, pleading, coaxing, praising you into a divorce, you still may follow the course that I think is always advisable to follow. I mean refuse him steadily, and pursue pur-sue your way regardless of the storm. If he goes away, live as normally as you can until he comes back. If he refuses support, get legal advice for help with the children's chil-dren's expenses, and get a job. Don't gossip wth your friends about ( it; you'll gain immense prestige by being charitably quiet and serene until this sickness passes. For the infatuation of a man for a second woman is a sort of fever. It is a feeling that is worth nothing unless there may someday be put behind it mutual trust, companionship, home, friends, children. A divorced woman who has won him away, open-eyed, from his first home and family, is not usually willing or able to supply these. She doesn't want to. Her one hold upon him is the hold of a temporary physical fascination, and of all things in the world that is the one that never lasts. The more stable feeling of mutual affection which must follow earlier infatuation infatua-tion cannot come to them under the from that of a century ago. Divorce and remarriage then were things held In horror; the divorced woman completely lost caste; and in many countries and In some of our states by the mere fact of wanting to leave her husband she lost all authority and claim over her children. All women were supported then by their men; fathers, brothers, husbands carried the entire financial responsibility responsi-bility for all the females of the family, from Baby up to Grandma. All this is changed now. Women are breadwinners, expected to do their share of the world's work outside out-side their homes, and divorces are common. The picture of a frail young heiress was in the paper the other day in connection with her fourth marriage; I believe she is 24. No one will ostracize her for this irresponsible conduct. That is why my answer to the following letter amounts really to no more than a warning "Wake Up!" Other Woman Enters Picture. This is part of Joan's letter. "I am 34, and we have two children: chil-dren: Tom, nine, and Betty-Lou, six. My husband has always been a good man, a devoted husband, son and father. But about six months ago I noticed that he was growing absent-minded, absent-minded, rather indifferent to home affairs, and that he was away a good deal. "An older woman in his office, who has been our friend for years, finally gave me a hint as to the cause. A pretty young grass widow has been employed there for something some-thing less than a year, and everyone in the office is quite aware that she and my husband are interested in each other. "This news broke my heart, and it took only a little watching and interpreting to realize that I was supplanted. Despite her history, which is anything but savory, he is infatuated with her. lunches with her almost daily and often stops in at her apartment for a cocktail and a few minutes' talk before coming home. "I have fretted myself sick over this thing and don't know what to do. I tell myself that he cannot possibly be considering a divorce it is like a bad dream. And yet in many ways he seems to be trying to show me that If I make the parting easy for him he will be generous to circumstances obviously the woman wom-an is not the type. Patience the Solution. So that if Joan will only wait in patience until the thing burns itself out she cannot lose. To say that her pride won't allow that, that her Harry must be punished, must be taught a bitter lesson, is only to hurt herself in the end. She may have the momentary satisfaction of showing to the world just what a weakling he is, but after all, he's the children's father, and to belittle him belittles them. |