OCR Text |
Show V THE RICH COUNT? REAPER. RANDOLPH. UTAH Starting Right GUR COMIC SECTION (2L .about: Pensions for Veterans. THE FEATHERHEADS By Osborne A Western NewmuMr Just Itnien SANTA MONICA, CALIF. another little proph- Clowninor up right In the morning. to bed right at night. Start with joy in your heart, hope in the future, kindness In youi purpose. If It is a dark day. never mind; you will lighten It up. Give a word of cheer, a kindly greeting and a warm handshake to your friends. If ail of us would only think how much of human happiness is made by ourselves, there would be less of human misery. If all of us would bear In mind that happiness is from within and not from without, there would be a wellspring of joy in every heart and the sun would shine forever. Try it! L. M. GET by old Doctor Cobb, the amateur soothsayer, who never said a sooth hes surer of than this one : Agitation for a blanket pension ecy to cover all World war veterans, regardless of ratings or physical condition, will start as soon as those lately-wo- n billions are distributed. At first some veterans organization will oppose it not for long, though. At first congress will be lukewarm. Then itll see a great light, and this new pension act one that will be to all previous pension acts what a whale is to tadpoles will be YOU RISK BLOOD POISONING IF YOU DO passed. Razors, caustic liquids and harsh At least the veterplasters are dangerous. The safe, quick way to remove corns is with ans have the argument s. New De Luxe Dr. Scholls of patriotic service on relieve They pain; instantly their side. And isnt it true that to (top shoe pressure: soothe, beat and prevent sore toes and blisters. Flesh color; nearly all of us has come a new conwaterproof ; dont stick to stocking. Sold ception of the national figurehead? No at alt drug, shoe and department stores. longer is it square-jaweYankee Doodle. Its a generous, jolly smiling Santa Claus bringing free checks for everybody. Defying the Almighty. FOLLOWING the example set some " years ago by a certain famous perYour Best Friend infidel made a sonage, a You can have only one best speech lately, defying God to smite friend, for the others must stand him dead on the spot It seemed, first aside for him. off, a very sound Idea, but nothing happened, so the gentleman took this for proof there was no God and went his way rejoicing. Some look on this as blasphemy, but, granted that every man is entitled to speak his opinion on religion, Id call It pure gall. Think of inviting the Almighty to suspend the entire cosmic scheme while forging a thunderbolt to abolish one solitary copycat of an amateur Ajax. Would you call out the standing army of the United States to kill a cockroach? Lady Killers. HAS been In print so often you Civilized Jails ITmust know it by heart, yourself: In a thoroughly civilized land even At sight of her recreant gentleman the jail meals are appetizing. friend, the poor bruised butterfly felt a great sense of her wrongs the wretch wanted to go back to his wife or something equally dastardly and the next thing she knew she was holding a smoking automatic that accidentally happened to be in her handbag along with some lipstick and a recipe for fudge; and he was deader then the prosecutors chance of convicting her for the killing. But jnst prior to that everything went black KILLS INSECTS before her eyes. Theres one detail ON FLOWERS FRUITS which never varies that VEGETABLES & SHRUBS business. Demand original sealed It was in the case they tried rebottle a, from your dealer cently In New York. Its in this latest 3 LV9 case at Chicago. Tis a sore affliction, always marked by total lapse of memory and frequently coupled with temporary insanity, but Its certainly fine for marksmanship. The lady scores a invariably. I wish perfect bulls-eye- , I could go blind to order that Id be the best quail-sho- t Be Sure They Properly ever came out of Kentucky. Cleanse the Blood Brawls in Hollywood. WOUR kidneys are constantly Filter have hot southern I ing waste matter from the blood NATURALLY, Iseems to be the hotstream. But kidneys sometimes lag in test there is, although down home I their work do not act as nature in never noticed it But up north, If tended fail to remove impurities that trouble impended, people would speak poison the system when retained. Then you may suffer nagging back of my hot southern blood when all the ache, dizziness, scanty or too frequent time I thought I was having a chilL urination, getting up at night, puffiness up, I Being thus all under the eyes; feel nervous, miserable-all adore fighting, if somebody else does upset. Dont delay? Use Doan's Rills. movie our heroes Since always it Doan's are especially (or poorly funcstage their combats in some utterly tioning kidneys. They are recoma as or cafe a secluded spot, such mended by grateful users the country hither and I club, yon hurry night over. Get them from any druggist. hoping to be present when an embittered star satisfies his honor by bouncing a special order of sweetbreads under glass with mushrooms twenty minutes, 90 cents off some rivals classic profile. But Its hard enough for me to get in touch with a waiter, let alone a g contest. good presents Reds English Again. SOMETHING printed here recently The way the English handle their reds and pinks prompted an EngSymphony lish gentleman to write giving further details. (100 Men) and Twould seem that over there all public servants, Including, notably, LEOPOLD STOKOWSKI state-paischool teachers, must swear IN CONCERT to uphold the crown, which means they cannot preach communism to their Sponsors) pupils without violating a solemn oath Salt Lake Tabernacle and, if caught so doing, they lose their official heads iustauter. Moreover, no Tues.,May5,at 8:15 p.m. avowed or suspected agent of the Soviets may use the radio to' preach Seat Sale Opens April 29 the overthrow of the existing governBrothers Music Co., Salt Lake Glen ment in favor of the Russian plan. the words In other pun, forgive $1.12, $1.68, $2.24 and $2.80 ? PRICES INCLUDING TAX please Britain never shall be Slavs. YOURkiiLKNb Zino-pad- I REMEMBER HEAH last ALL ONE -- rna Those thri lung-acts- - it was INTENSE SiiRE-H- o MO J r- circuses are ALWAYS1 IN TENTS - , j AND I REMEMBER FAS Cl N ATE P YOU WERE BY THE LAPV VJiTh HOW TM9 SMAKES SEAM SHE J ' H WAS CMARMiNs . nt cock-sur- e , FINNEY OF THE FORCE A Different Aim that-a-wa- y. hot-blood- A HARD JOLT home horses and a fellow told me Id find a spanking team aronnd here. Do yon know where they are? Youngster Ill say I do. Theyre in my house pa and mal ( WILL HELP A LITTLE One Way to Keep Her Quiet After telling his fair patient to put out her tongue, the doctor continued writing out the prescription. When he had finished he turned to his patient and said: There, that will do." "I think Ill' have my beauty nap But, doctor, protested the lady, now. you never even looked at my tongue. Well, take a good long sleep, dear." No, replied the M D, it wasnt It must be nice to have a ladys to wanted I you keep necessary. just maid? while I wrote the prescription. Would Wait to See "Yes, but its annoying the days the quiet Pathfinder Littld Magazine. to grandmother was gohave Billys and you cook doesnt come, ing to California and she asked him cook for the ladys maid. before she started: Wholesale Scale Are you going to miss grandmother New Zealand Once I in Old Salt Hois Sense after she is gone? A darkey came home all flustered was caught I na terrible earthquake. Ill have to wait and see, he reVisitor Were you frightened? one day and told his wife: Liza, Ize I can tell all. Not plied. Indianapolis News. at Old Salt you me hands. on got a lawsuit Liza replied : Dats fine, Sam. the earth trembled more than I did. Hell Get Along Take hit offen yo hands and put hit Mother I look Six Plus Two Fours hope you didnt take a overalls ole Dem bac. on yo Teacher Can you name six animals second helping of cake at Jeans birththat inhabit the Polar regions, Willie? day party, Sonny. Sonny No, ma, I took two pieces William Yesm. Two seals ' and He Knows the first time. Farmer Say, sonny. Im looking for four polar bears. . ! . the Deseret News plate-tossin- Philadelphia Orchestra d (RCA-Vict- IRVIN S. COBB WNU Service. or |