Show won highest honor in hades introducing a well known character through an underground al thong not an underhand channel I 1 have learned of a contest that took place recently in hell the object of the contest as stated by the devil himself was to enable him to ascertain ali who 0 among his evil cohorts was best fitted to occupy the next highest office in the realm of hell the contestants were given a term of years in which to perform the most diabolical deed each could devise obtain authenticated proof of its actual performance perform ince and to present all evidence at a public meeting held for that purpose under his bis seal the devil obligated himself to reward the one winning the contest by making that one his deputy give him power to reign with absolute authority during the devils indisposition or absence on vacation and to present him with a scepter second only in fearfulness to that of the devil himself at tho the appointed time tile the cohorts of hell assembled in solemn conclave and each one in the audience was in breathless expectation to learn what the devil who had announced previously alous ay that he was to be the sole judge in the contest would consider the most diabolical deed armed with documentary evidence in some instances filling to overflowing a lawyers brief case each contestant assembled on the platform and a smile of self satisfaction overspread the countenance of the one who at the call of the walked to a position in front of the throne and recited his evil valor and misdeeds without going into the details of what was a most sordid recital of 0 murder rapine crooked dealing shame degradation dishonor and rime it will suffice to tell of the last tao to present himself for the coveted honor when the name of old trusted subscriber was called by tho the a somewhat unfamiliar figure stepped to the front of the stage and saluting his majesty began his recital there was little about his appearance pe arance to justify an onlooker in supposing that he belonged in that motley gang of evildoers nor did he carry much evidence of his wrongdoing in fact with the exception of a few letters and cards which lie he held conspicuously one could not discern that he was a candidate for the honor offered by the devil given permission to speak old trusted subscriber related that he had subscribed for the local newspaper a number of years ago at first said he 1 I paid in advance each year then I 1 found out that the editor was a pleasant sort of person trustful and hardworking and not disposed to press those who were indebted to him so I 1 began to let my subscription lapse every now and again there appeared a notice in the paper to pay up with a mild threat that back accounts would be placed in the hands of a lawyer for collection As a sort of sop I 1 went to tile tho office nud and paid for a year on my indebtedness debt edness but never paid up in full not to mention paying in advance then I 1 made inquiry and found that those who did not scare at the threat to take legal action were not molested or troubled so I 1 decided I 1 need not settle either in the meantime I 1 got all the personal mention and publicity I 1 wanted whenever we gave a party continued on oil page five won highest Vion honor 07 continued from page foura four I 1 or had friends visiting at our house the editor always published an a note of it whenever death came into the family or one of my children got gol married I 1 always wrote out a long lone account accorn t in which I 1 praised myself as being a representative citizen of the community and the editor always published it in full whenever one of my boys or girls went school the editor mentioned it when they tacy got high marks or we won distinction tile the editor printed an account of it and I 1 figure that I 1 got twice the value of the subscription price each year but year by year I 1 got further and further behind with my payments then I 1 moved away from town but as I 1 wanted to know of the doings in my 0 old id town and knowing full well that the home paper would chronicle all of these doings as well as publish anything I 1 might send in from my new home so that rny my friends might hear from me without tile the trouble of writing to them I 1 ordered the paper sent to my new address the editor fell for this imposition and even wrote out without any suggestion from me a eulogistic iteld about my value to the community and the loss tho community would feel at my going but this did not induce me t ta pay up before leaving when my paper was five years in arrears I 1 received a bill from the tha editor but paid no attention to it here is the first second third and fourth bill I 1 received here also IS is a notice from a lawyer and another from a collection agency asking ma 11 i f to pay what I 1 justly owe ovo the paper here too is evidence to the effect that I 1 ordered my postmaster to send notices at three different times advising the editor that I 1 refused th the paper and here enright Eno ight enough cried ills majesta not a little elated at the gruesome recital this is the most diabolical deed that ever mortal morta L could perform vest this demon with the robe of of office elevate him to a place on the throne second only to mine place irl in i his hand the scepter of authority bow adow the knee to the deputy devil ALAN V 11 |