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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Companionship Doesn't Just Happen Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. "Truly, a girl of 19 may have a wonderful companionship with a man of 38, tven as his wife. But only when he can pet her, spoil her, treat her as a doll." By KATHLEEN NORRIS ONE of the richest blessings bless-ings life can win any one of us is companionship. companion-ship. Never underestimate it. No matter how burdened your life is with duties, responsibilities, responsi-bilities, interruptions, distractions, distrac-tions, financial and domestic worries, don't complain as long as you have someone with whom you can share them. Certain professional and business women are enormously successful. Some of them are rich. But if life hasn't brought them companionship they have nothing worth having, and they know it. They go in for nervous disorders, for bitterness, for strange extravagances. They keep reaching blindly about for the precious, the inestimable treasure that is companionship with some other human soul, and they never find it. They cannot find it They have destroyed the secret of possessing pos-sessing it, of winning it. Yes, I used the word "winning" in this connection, because a part of that secret of companionship is that it never comes ready-made. You have to work for it, to preserve it. That's why letters like this one from "Francoline" are so pathetic In their Innocence and so sad in their certainty of disappointment. "Francoline" is 19; she is going to be married. This is part of her letter: "Mother objects to Paul. He is Just twice my age; not that 38 is old for marriage, but mother thinks it's old for the man who wants to become my husband. He has been married before, and he says he has learned consideration the hard way. He has two boys, aged 10 and 8, and he adores them, and so do I. Their mother has moved away and left them here in school. 'Complete Sympathy.' "We will not have much money and that worries mother. I tell her I am not marrying Paul for money. I am marrying because of the complete com-plete sympathy there is between us. We laugh at the same things, we like the same shows, we love to plan what we will do someday when we are richl Our feeling for each other is based on something much deeper than a mere 'crush,' and we have known each other ever since Paul was in college and I was born. "You feel, and you've often said," the letter concludes, "that companionship compan-ionship is the real base of a happy marriage. We are sure of it. I am not taking Paul away from his wife; except for her monthly alimony ali-mony check he has no correspondence correspond-ence with her at all. He says he never has really loved before; I know I never have, and that I never will again. I feel much more capable capa-ble of giving advice about marriage than accepting it, but I would like to know if you don't think this may be a successful marriage?" Francoline is 19, but she sounds younger. She sounds about 12. She is revelling in her first rapture of young love, a time of dreams and delusions beautiful, inevitable, but pitiful, too. It is Paul that I blame for this situation; PauL who has two boys, and a divorced wife, and who is twice Francoline's age. My answer is: certainly you may make a success of this marriage. There is no marriage that may not be turned into a success. A strong, self - controlled, sensible woman I I lov the boyt, too. . . . HEADED FOR MISERY A woman with a powerful personality can make a success suc-cess of any marriage, says Miss Norris in today's article. Such women are rare, however, she goes on. The 19-year-old girl who asks for advice in the letter let-ter quoted does not seem to be one of them. Francoline is madly in love with a man 38 years old. He has been married before, but is divorced. The two sons, 8 and 10 years old, are in his care. What Francoline finds in Paul is a deep companionship; companion-ship; a similarity of tastes and ideals. This is the first time she has ever been in love, Francoline says. Paul claims that he is feeling the tender passion for the first time, too, and that he never really loved his wife. Miss Norris cautions Francoline Fran-coline that she is headed for a lot of shocks and disillusionment disillusion-ment if she enters this marriage. mar-riage. There just isn't the proper basis for a happy marriage mar-riage here. A young woman must give up too many pleasures pleas-ures that are normal at her age; she must put up with too many difficulties. In this particular par-ticular case, the children, the former wife, the earning power pow-er of the husband, all present problems that will probably grow worse as time advances. may marry any man she pleases and win through all the dangers and whirlpools and pitfalls of matrimony matri-mony to a serene and happy middle age. But possibly Francoline hasn't the necessary qualities to get into that class. Many Sacrifices Ahead. The responsibility "of supporting another woman and two boys does not grow easier as the months of marriage turn themselves into years. Francoline will have to make many sacrifices, will have to be ready for grave decisions. The shortage of money will cramp her from the first, and unless un-less she is of a really generous nature, na-ture, she will resent that constant drain on Paul's resources; one boy will need dental work, another may come home for long nursing after an illness. Paul may crush her by hinting that as he already has children chil-dren he is none too eager to welcome wel-come more. This marriage robs her of the dancing, the house parties, the new frocks and new friendships that are natural at her age. It means that she grows mature before her time. Truly, a girl of 19 may have a wonderful won-derful companionship with a man of 38, even as his wife. But only when he can pet her, spoil her, treat her as a doll. To Francoline none of these pleasant flattering things will come. She will be at once the second wife, stepmother, housekeeper, house-keeper, cook and manager in the house of this much older man. If there is any spoiling done she will have to do it; if there are any concessions, con-cessions, she will have to make them. Lots of trying details will have to be settled before you can come to companionship with your husband, hus-band, Francoline. This particular setup doesn't seem to promise much hope of their settlement. |
