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Show Ill Suit Wntvr Tnfjy: Flat-lop crews are very proud of their ships. A mechimlc's mule on a currier wus once asked by a clvll-lun clvll-lun how fust his ship could go. . . . The m. m. Intoned with a twinkle In his orb: "To tell the truth, I don't know. We've never really opened her up. All my currier Is required to do so fur is to keep up with Its planes." This has become a Navy classic: An ensign and lieutenant on a subchaser sub-chaser were feuding because they were both Romeolng the same gal. Each took a turn at making the day's entries in the log book. One day the ensign was surprised to discover dis-cover the lieutenant had written: "August 14; ensign drunk." ... He hesitated a moment and then wrote: "August 15; lieutenant sober." An admiral, watching a young Bailor labor eagerly but clumsily on the quarterdeck, asked: "How long have you been In the Navy, son?" . . . "Two months," the boy replied. "How long have you been In?" . . . The admiral was taken slightly aback, but he good-naturedly answered: an-swered: "Thirty years." . . . The j Bailor shook his head sympathetical- j ly and said: "It'B hell, ain't U?" There are many tales about haughty ensigns getting their comeuppance. come-uppance. One of the best concerns the new one who behaved as If he were a combination of John Paul Jones and Lord Nelson. His captain decided to take him down a few pegs. . . . During a heavy storm he ordered the ensign to go on deck and figure out the ship's position by dead reckoning, a task which is practically Impossible. Finally the ensign returned and presented the results of his computation. The captain cap-tain studied the report for a moment mo-ment and then bellowed: "Take off your hat, sir! I see by your findings that we are In the middle of Westminster West-minster Abbey!" Chalk up another defeat for censors: cen-sors: A Navy wife was Irked by blue-pencilers, blue-pencilers, who continually cut up letters let-ters from her sailor-hubby. But she had her revenge. She sent her husband hus-band a letter in the form of a jigsaw jig-saw puzzle. The censor worked for hours piecing it together. The missive mis-sive read: "Don't work too hard!" Have you heard the one about the famed absent-minded admiral? He ' was piloting a seaplane when the commander of the ship noticed he was gliding toward an aerodrome. "Excuse me," the commander said diplomatically, "but it would be better bet-ter to come down on the sea. This is a seaplane." . . . The admiral thanked him for the reminder, turned and landed safely on the water. wa-ter. He then stated: "Commander, I thank you. I shall not forget the tact with which you drew my attention at-tention to the blunder I was about to make." . . . The admiral then opened the door and stepped into the ocean. A group of sailors were shooting the breeze about their pet subject gals. One was asked if he liked intellectual intel-lectual girls. He responded quickly: "I like a girl with a good head on my shoulder." They would have you believe this happened in the South Pacific during one of the war's biggest battles. Guns were firing in all directions and bombs were falling when one gunner suddenly got the hiccups. He turned to a buddy and shouted: "Hey, I've got the hiccups. Do something to frighten me!" Seapower, the Navy mag, recently recent-ly relayed this story: A homesick gob from Utah kept his watch on Mountain Standard Time. He explained ex-plained why: "When I joined the Navy, Pa gave me this watch. He said it would help me remember home. When my watch says 5 a. m., I know Dad is rolling out to milk the cows. And any night it says 7:30, I knqw the whole family's around a well-spread table, and Dad is thanking God for what's on it and asking Him to watch over me. I can almost smell the hot biscuits and bacon. It's thinking about those things that makes me want to fight when the going gets tough. I can find out what time it is where I am easy enough. What I want to know is what time it is in Utah." Overheard conversation between a navy flier and a submariner: "What did you see up there?" asked the sub-man. . . . "No angels," replied re-plied the flier. "What did you see?" "No mermaids." Miniatures of the Honored Guests: Sailors flashing Jap currency, short-snorters, short-snorters, etc. . . . Gobs with the most ribbons doing the least talking and vice versa. . . . Lipstick-smeared faces being erased along the Hudson gangways. . . . Sailors spending money like sailors. . . . Gobs (with pad and pencil in paw) holding "press conferences" with every good-looking doll. . . . New Yorker hosts helping them quench a three-year three-year thirst from noon till dawn. . . . The Navy never comes to town. It goes to town! |