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Show Current WitJj ALL SETTLED The youDg man who had b?fj calling so frequently on Helen came at last to see her father. Finally the suitor made this announcement: "It's a mere formality, I know, but we thought It would be pleasing to you If it were observed In the usual way." Helen's father stiffened. "And may I inquire," he asked, "who suggested that asking my consent con-sent to Helen's marriage was a mere formality?' "Yes," rplied the young man. "It was Helen's mother." London Tlt-Bits. Tlt-Bits. Observant "Have you seen the cashier this morning?' "Yes, sir. He came in without a moustache and borrowed the railway timetable." London Even-body's Weekly. COVERING UP INNOCENCE The enthusiastic angler was relating relat-ing a fishing story to some of his neighbors. "Yes," he said proudly. "I caught the biggest fish of my career last night. It was a bass, and what a whopper, too. Do you know, fellows, fel-lows, believe It or believe it not, that fish weighed about seven pounds. Some fish, what?' His son, who had remained Interested Inter-ested throughout the story, now spoke up. "Yes, and do you know, daddy was so kind, he gave It to my little kitten," kit-ten," he said. Dust and All Kumme Is your wife savingT Backe Very when she sees any loose tobacco under my writing table ta-ble she sweeps It up carefully In a dustpan and puts It back In the tobacco to-bacco Jar. Brooklyn Dally Eagle. He Should Talk "Sorry, but I can't pay my losses." "You're a fraud, sir, to play without with-out money how am I going to pay for my drinks?" Berlin Berliner II-lustrlerte. II-lustrlerte. Something in Common "Darling. I could not afford that antique jewelry for you, but I bought you a car." "That Is sweet of you, but it Is not the same thing." "Well, it Is old, anyway." Chapter and Versa "My wife has the worst memory I ever heard of." "Forgets everything, eh?" "No ; remembers everything." Ei Paso World News. Writer "You say you earn money with the pen?" "Yes, I write my uncle every week for a check." Holding Out "Does your new boy friend know your age?' "Well, part of it" Smith's Weekly. The Boss The typewriter has limitations. lim-itations. Stenographer How's that? The Boss When you're writing with a pen and don't know how to spell a word, you can drop a blot. All Explained "We get salt from the sea I" "And pepper, dad?" "Certainly." "And oil?" "No, we get oil from sardine tins." Florence II 420. Bad News Keep Client Have you told the gentleman gentle-man that I am musical? That I play five Instruments? Matrimonial Agent No, I am breaking It gently to him. Munich Fliegende Blaetter. It' the Rule! Chief Smoking in the office? Clerk It Is a pencil, not a cigar, sir. Chief Pencil or not, no smoking In the office. Venice Gazzettlno Illustrate. |