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Show b-Labout: The "Peasant" Candidate. HOUSTON, TEX. To certain cer-tain candidates: Dear cans., please discourage your campaign strategists, whoever those poor antiquarians may be, who believe you can prove the Spartan simplicity of your rugged souls by inviting distinguished distin-guished visitors to drop in tor pot-luck with you and the family fam-ily in the kitchen. Because, dear cans., that's old stuff. It dates back to the Meln-tyre Meln-tyre and Heath era of political vaudeville. The great common people peo-ple may be common anyhow the i orators keep on telling them they are but they aren't exactly stupid. stu-pid. Merely because be-cause a man has to live In the deep woods doesn't mean he has to think like a woodpecker. wood-pecker. I contend It's generally the other way around. With the exception Irvin S. Cobb of "Mr. Dooley," practically all the outstanding satiric sa-tiric observers of our national follies fol-lies sprang from the soil and not from the sidewalk. If there are any true yokels left, their principal princi-pal center is New York city. And if ever there was a day when Americans Amer-icans in mass believed a man could best qualify for the Presidency by behaving like a peasant, that day-has day-has passed. Odorless Cabbage. SOME experimental genius at Cornell Cor-nell university has bred a non-odorous non-odorous cabbage a thing absolutely absolute-ly guaranteed to remain unsmella-ble unsmella-ble while being cooked. I presume he crossed it with the tuberose. Now, I never protested when they produced a spring onion with no aftermath to it, no lingering reminiscence. remi-niscence. "Fair enough," I said, "after all, why not let bygones be bygones?" And I shall welcome with glad outcries the evolution of the anti-squirt anti-squirt grapefruit, and the self-opening coconut, and, greatest boon of all, the hiccoughless radish. But to take away from the succulent suc-culent fried cabbage Its only means of self-defense seems a cruel thing. Besides, how in future would a stranger be able after dark to Identify Iden-tify an old-fashioned, two-dollar-a-day, American plan hotel? Once he got inside and saw the Gideon Bibles and met the resident cock- roaches, he'd know, of course, where he was, but how about approaching in the night-time with no perfume to guide him? The Courage of Texans. THERE'S something about Texans Tex-ans something different. The men who tramped the Oregon Ore-gon trail were homesteaders. They took their wives with them, and plows and seed-corn, the forty-niners who went to California had shovels on their shoulders and if you can believe the Susannah song banjos on their knees. But if it came to a pinch they threw away the banjos first. Because they were looking for gold. But In the beginning begin-ning those who came to Texas carried car-ried rifles and kept their eyes peeled. They were looking for trouble. trou-ble. And, how the found it. For nobody dreamed then of the Incredibly rich and fertile empire this would be. The only prospect was for a fight against the wilderness. wilder-ness. The Happy Warrior'. Grammar. IN THE Sabbath calm following the explosion of Al Smlthisms over the palpitant ether, you could almost hear the purists murmuring: murmur-ing: "Be sure thy snytax will find thee out"; but the purist vote Isn't big enough to count. For culture, a collegiate accent may have It all .,,. the p.rnnklvn hroirue. hut there are more people crossing Brooklyn bridge every day than go through Yale or Harvard in M) years. Governor Smith may not pronounce pro-nounce radio the correct way as some critics already have already pointed out but he certainly knows what to do with it when he faces a microphone. All grammar aside and why. not all grammar aside, if leaving it aside keeps siin-I siin-I pie speech? when he gets through i talking there are no missing word contests. The War in the Papers. MODERN wars are won by the side with the best advance i a'p-nt at least so far us the press I notices go. In the Inspired reports sent out from Rome, one reads that i the white Invaders have again rout-; rout-; ed the dismayed Ethiopians after i destroying tremendous numbers of I the black warriors, while cnstial-i cnstial-i ties on the Italian side amounted to 1 two infantrymen suffering from fall-I fall-I en arches and one bystander painfully pain-fully kicked by an ambulance mule. Or statistics to that gratifying ef-' ef-' feet. And next day a postscript trickles out from Africa that the 1 victory was so complete the win-i win-i ners only fell hack about 20 miles. IRVIN S. COEB. WNU Seivlo. |