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Show No safety in new year's shopping blitz grassroots Copyright 1985 Becky Grass Johnson Every year my husband celebrates New Year's Day the same way. He joins with a league of thousands whose mugs are glued to the tube to watch every touchdown, fumble and instant replay. It requires considerable concentration to view all three major stations and one can easily sprain a wrist on the remote control. Pop, chips and leftover turkey help to ease the tension and provide energy required for the all day marathon. In the excitement, there will be little time to explain the difference between a post pattern and a flag pattern. The only patterns I know much about are either by Simplicity or McCall. I've learned that on New Year's Day, a wife who doesn't know a touchhack.from a draw play can be a real pain in the "end zone." And so I have discovered my own sport to begin the new year. It is not a sport for the weak or faint-hearted. It requires prowess and peak physical condition. The danger and challenge involved strikes fear in any armchair athlete. No, it is not canoeing over Niagra Falls. It is not wind-surfing the Sahara. It is not braiding the hair on a tarantula's legs. It is fittest. Veteran shoppers already know this, but rookies might need to be informed of the rules and terminology. ter-minology. Spike-heeled shoes are illegal and dangerous. When a veteran gets "clipped" by a pair of spikes, it can lead to a return pinch or slap, which is also against the rules and is referred to as "illegal use of hands." When a crowd of people assembles assem-bles and they storm the doors the minute the store opens, it is called "a rush." This is perhaps the most perilous moment of the sport. Anyone caught kicking others out of their way will be hauled away by security. This is known as "roughing the kicker." Once inside, shoppers must beware that the unbelievably low-priced sale items have been strategically placed at the rear of the store. This makes it necessary to pass the tempting items displayed along the aisles which have not been marked down. This causes most sport shoppers to purchase a great deal more than previously planned. This is known as an "inside trap." Occasionally, a pretty, young sports shopper will try to talk a salesman into an additional discount from a sales item by accenting ac-centing her conversation with smiles and winks. This is referred to as "a pass." A salesman with any professionalism will refuse any further reduction. This is called an "incompleted pass." If the salesman should be persuaded by a flirtatious technique and reduces the price of the sales item, he will later be severely reprimanded by 1 the management. This is called 1 "roughing the passer." Sport shopping isn't for everyone. But for those women who suit up every year for the big shopping day, ' it provides a treacherous test of nerve and skill. And how do you know if you've won? Any sports shopper who returns home at the , promised: time and has spent.only the agreed upon amount, will really score with her husband. But if she returns late, broke and guilty of charging, she would be wise to return home in a Cosmo costume in hopes her husband won't recognize her. This is called "face masking.". , Sports shopping, bah, humbug! A ridiculous sport, you say? Just wait 'til I see Patty Edwards in the mall. I'll tell her you said that! I by BECKI CRASS JOHNSON shopping the year-end clearance sales. Remember how the shopping : carts rolled over the ends of. your ' ioeS during the Christmas season? Remember how it took you 20 minutes to find a parking place at K-Mart? Do you recall trying to keep abreast of the stampede on the blue light specials? Well, that was mere scrimmage for the New Year's Day sales. Sport shopping is not a team sport. It would not even classify as a "one on one." It is more like a gladiator event, a survival of the |