Show 1 For Something Everyone By BERT BOYACK t 1 A A A A AA A A A A A A A An n Ozark farmer arrived in St. St Louis where his money sin jon oon ran out more than anything he needed to find a ai 1 i J job fob ob Scanning anning Sc the w want nt ads he found found an opening in an ant t that being formed orchestra was Delighted he hastened hie t jj round o and to the place and fo found nd the leader who asked him 3 I f f ohe he had had any experience The hillbilly musician i x I J puffed miffed up with pride P he announced ClI l I shore have I fiddled in the moun- moun i ta ai ns for twenty y years a s and I know every tune there be II Can J you f play a j j The hillbilly was puzzled for he had never heard the i word But he wasn't about to to ad admit it defeat I kin play ji an ann any riy i fiddle there ev ever r was he said firmly n AH All right said th the leader dragging over the bull- bull t f fiddle Were just starting Play that The hi hillbilly's eyes grew big with astonishment He Hehe i hefted t the he massive instrument moving it back and he studied it I I can play it all forth as right he announced announced announced an an- finally but but have to help git it under my chi chin I TI 11 s i As a rural farmers farmer's wife wiCe was being interviewed by a 1 welfare worker when she applied for Cor relief she became 1 j very indignant when asked Do you have any back backI I J have you ou know we dont don't have much but our house i js modern she replied haughtily j FA fc F- A boy from the farm was out to impress the girl girla a from om the city He took her to a soda fountain Ill have a banana split the girl told the waitress f Wait said the lad Im loaded Bring her the o It whole hole banana I t tf r r rI I f Farmer What are you doing lip tip in my apple tree Soy Boy I saw a sign down there that said Keep Off I The Grass n ni n n. J i SUCCINCT Past girl friend Did you Y ou marry that girl or do you still in restaurants every t night Young Farmer Yes 1 I The owner of an exclusive nightclub was horrified to see a tourist t fa farmer mer sitting at a table with his napkin tucked into the collar of his shirt sturt Tell him we dont don't do that here he mutt muttered red to one of the waiters but dont don't hurt his feelings The head waiter advanced upon his napkin-dressed napkin farmer with a polite smile i Shave or haircut Sir he asked M Three local farm yokels were being served by a very t pretty girl at a soda fountain What is your name r one of them asked Pearl she replied Oh one said I suppose youre you're a pearl of great price arent aren't you ou No the girl retorted Im the pearl before the swine A young farmer entered a motel followed closely by bya a sex sexy redhead He signed the register with an X and then with flourish drew a horizontal line through the X p The startled clerk watched all this and then said An awful lot of people sign the register with an X but youre you're the first one Ive I've ever seen draw a line through J it that way Why Sr Sir replied the farmer Carmel You dont don't expect me to use ice my right name when Im I'm c car carousing around ung around around with h i these here wild city women f t Betty the farmers farmer's daughter was milking a cow when the bull suddenly charged toward her across the meadow 5 r Betty did not move The summer boarders who had I dashed dashed to safety saw to their astonishment that the bull ball st stopped within a few yards of Betty then turn t and walk meekly away t you afraid someone asked the girl No I wasn't but Ill I'll bet he was was B Betty tty laughed You See s this cow is his in mother The farmer had just finished spreading a load of par par- tl smelling evil fertilizer Will that stuff really r stimulate plant growth a visitor from the city asked been Cant sa say f for or sure was the thoughtful answer Ive putt putting ng it on after I year year but Ive I've never been able able to figure out ut whether i it actually stimulates things or whether It its it's s just so downright repulsive that their they try best to grow away r from it iL r LAST WORD In Pig Latin two words just two I t |