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Show Ten O-CBccCt MlhiDSttlte ' by David Fleisher , There is no reason to become prematurely alarmed, however, there is a possibility (as remote as jt is) that a piece of "Skylab" may .fall on your head. Don't run for your bomb shelters yet because Sky lab is not expected to enter the earth's atmosphere for another two weeks, but it might be wise to make sure the shelter is properly built and secure. Skylab? in case you aren't aware, has been flying around in space for quite some time checking out what's going on up there, and it is tired and ready to fall down; Space personnel say parts of, the flying object will probably fall somewhere in the United States... maybe, but they aren't positive. In fact, they don't know-exactly when it will fall. The latest prediction is either July 12 or 13 or thereabouts, but there seems to be -no argument among space people that Skylab is sick and tired of going around and around in circles. As a matter of fact, one space official said he was wearing special earphones one day when he distinctly heard Skylab scream out into space, "This is incredibly boring!" I was fortunate enough ito talk to a seasoned astronaut who had recently returned from a conference held in Key West, Florida. Some of the best minds in the country attended the highly technical scientific conference which, by the way, was appropriately entitled,' "Skylab: Only God knows what we'll do if it falls on us. " The astronaut wished to remain anonymous for reasons related to national security, however, he did agree to answer some of my questions. Milton. Hernandez is a ficticious name. "Astronaut Hernandez, what should we do if Skylab falls down on us?" "Well, judging from what I learned at the conference in Florida," he answered, "you should first place your head between your knees and take deep breaths. If you are a-religious a-religious person, pray. If you are not so religious, keep the V head between the knees and cross your fingers." "If a family doesn't have a bomb shelter in the back yard, should such a shelter be constructed immediately?" "So, build the shelter," Hernandez answered. "How could it hurt?" r "Did the scientists in Florida indicate there was any way to : prevent Skylab from falling on lis?" "What do you think we are? Magicians?" Astronaut Hernandez replied. "That thing is homesick! We can't force it to do anything against its will. All of the scientists, including myself, want that Skylab should come home. ' "But Astronaut Hernandez," I said, "aren't you just a little bit afraid of Skylab falling on you?" "How many times do I have to tell you this: put the head between the knees and take deep breaths," Hernandez yelled. "Mr. Hernandez," I asked, "do you know exactly when Skylab will fall to earth?" - "God forbid it should fall within the next two weeks," he said. "My wife and I are going to California to see my son who just graduated from medical school. Brilliant boy. My son graduated with high honors. He's a genius in case you didn't know." "I didn't know that," I said,, "but getting back to Skylab for a moment, how big is the space craft and how much of it is expected to fall to earth?" "Skylab weighs 77.5 tons, and we figure that once it blows up, approximately 500 pieces big enough to cause injury will fall to earth, ' ' Astronaut Hernandez answered. "What did Skylab accomplish while flying around in space?" I "I can't answer that for national security reasons," Hernandez said. "But, off the record, we did learn there is a large martian congregation on the planet Mars." That was all Milton Hernandez would tell me about Skvlab. National Aeronatuics and Space (NASA) officials say the odds against a piece of Skylab landing on someone's head is 600 billion to one; I can't help but wonder how they arrived at those statistics. , Recently, I came across a letter written by a concerned patriot addressed to NASA. The letter was written in the event he gets hit by Skylab: "Dear Mr. NASA: I am writing you this letter from my hospital bed where I am recuperating from a temporary loss of memory as a result of getting knocked on the head by Skylab. I can't remember my wife's name, and I'm not sure if we ever had any children. Would you please be kind enough to contact President Carter and ask him to cheefr this out for me. I'm sure Mr. Carter has the necessary resources at his disposal to find out my wife's name and whether we have children or not. And would you please pay for all my hospital expenses; I tried my best to avoid getting hit by Skylab, but I was busy hanging clothes on the line in the back yard when I was struck from behind. Thank you for handling this "matter," . -. As I walk slowly down Main Street, staring into space, I hear the Ten O'Clock Whistle. . |