| Show Something For Everyone By BERT BOYACK My clothes look funny but they make me money The buttons buttons buttons but but- tons cost more than the Jacket but I couldn't very well come out in just the buttons r Liberace while at the Valley Valley Val Val- ley Music Hall Phyllis Diller is the Liz Uz Taylor of the twilight zone Bob Hope further remarks that while they were in Vietnam they had 25 MP's guarding the women and a midget with a sling slingshot slingshot shot guarding the men A critic was paid to give his opinion as to whether a ashow ashow ashow show would be a success or a y flop on Broadway He saw the Ute preview said it would be a flop I and pocketed the cash Ridiculous No Not quite quite He was right and saved the producer prof pro pro- f ducer Two national weathermen I were to go to the next state to receive an award for most perfectly perfectly perfectly per per- predicting the weather for forone j one year year Sad Sad but true they were in starting snow bound before be before be- be fore they could get out of the state MESSED UP HISTORY Just before Paul Revere was to take off of on his midnight ride he said to his wife What do you sold the horse horse- mean you mean you And along the same line Une King Solomon was the most courageous man of history imagine walking into the bathroom bathroom bathroom bath bath- room and seeing 2000 pairs of stockings hanging there I WITTY TIDBITS r A A short man to a tall acquaintance I 1 r am 6 foot 4 inches and weigh pounds and I am a terrible liar r r r A A plastic surgeon surgeon surgeon sur sur- geon went to sleep before the fire and melted The teen-ager teen learned how to drive after going through two cars and three wrecks When a ballplayers ballplayer's ball ballplayers ballplayer's ballplayers ballplayer's players player's eyesight begins to fail fall they make him an umpire X Dull and Monday is worth the frivolity and freedom of Saturday and Sunday It It has been suggested that the state change its name from Alabama to One millionaire millionaire million million- aire says Money isn't everything everything every every- thing health and happiness is isone isone isone one per cent r One doctor y says We Ve may live to be years old old If If so at 75 years will we like being called a kid A XA Rhode Island Red would eighter be a com communist from Province or a hen lien Here I Igo Igo Igo go says the acorn as he fell from the tree Bif if if the squirrels dont don't get me some day Ill I'll be a abig abig abig big oak tree If If you haven't any sense beauty and handsomeness can be a priceless priceless priceless price price- less asset There are so 50 many Hilton Hotels in London that originally they had London rotating underneath but now they have all the Hilton Hotels on the bottom and London ro rotating rotating rotating ro- ro tating on top X A A newlywed fed to her husband constantly dehydrated foods and one night he got in a rain storm and in instantly instantly instantly in- in gained 25 pounds A rA golfer wears two pair of pants because he might get a hole in one There Is a cross cross- eyed teacher that has no control over her pupils A little boy in grade spelled whether for weather in class and the teacher said Johnny that is the worst spell of weather we have had In a along along along long ti time me Student to teacher about si silently silently silently si- si whistling while studying I cr I wasn't studying teacher just whistling Philosopher Pete r 1 I am sick period and tired period of the book story about the in interview interview interview in- in story about the magazine magazine maga maga- zine story of the article behind the untold story behind the previous previous previous pre pre- statement about etc etc Jjr Senator Slugabed I dont don't get this Credibility gap when I was in the Senate we used the words hoodwinked and bamboozled V May the writer leave you with this thought for the last word this week China is turning out to be the Paper Tiger not the US U.S. And Chairman Mao who turns the youthful Red Guards to pillage and murder could remember the words of Confucius What you do not want done to yourself do not to the other man |
