Show what Q thinks about How to Be Fair SANTA ANTA MONICA CALIF L Every time the heirs to an undivided estate start litigating litigating litigating ing I think of a decision which had in it more wisdom more common sense and more fair fair- fairness fairness fairness ness than even King Solomons Solomon's inspired justice I cant can't remember whether a ruler rule I upon the throne or a judge upon the bench who handed down this ruling But tV two o brothers fell out over a proper divi divi- division division division sion of their fathers father's Ir ti possessions Accord Accord- Accordingly Accordingly Accordingly they carried a the dispute to a higher court of the land So his majesty or orlis his lis worship or his honor as the case irvin S. S Cobb may have been said Let the older brother apportion the property into what he regards as two equal shares shares and and then let lethe the he younger brother have first choice of the shares But of course the lawyers couldn't have favored the plan It was too beautifully ully simple to suit any lawyer in any age The Ameri Ameri- American can Bar association would just nat nat- naturally naturally despise it it I e Cemetery Salesmen f RECEIVED a letter lettel from one of I L our plushiest cemeteries We have lave some of the plushiest cemeteries cemeteries teries eries on earth its it's a positive pleas picas pleasure ure to be dead out here I was urged to invest in a highly desirable lot for only a few thou- thou thousand thousand sand and smackers or buy a perfectly lovely ovely crypt slightly crypt slightly more expensive expensive sive but most luxurious Through some private whim or orque pique que I failed to answer this tempt tempt- tempting ing ng communication Today I re re- received received received an appealing up follow-up let tel ter er I gather that if I neglect this splendid opportunity Ill I'll live Jive to re regret re- re regret gret it Or 01 maybe I wont Such thoughtful attention merits response Im I'm replying as follows Dear Deal gents Space in a grave grave- graveyard graveyard graveyard yard is the last thing I shall require When that time comes somebody else will do the shopping Trusting these hese few lines may find you the same ame yours gratefully But if a representative calls in per- per peron personas personas son son-as on as he will will will-I'm Im I'm a gone gosling Those slick talkers always do get me You just ought to see my col- col collection collection lection of oil stocks Now theres there's something that does need burying e Making laking Juleps SOME S COME OME disputatious soul seeks to reopen the ancient debate over the he proper recipe for mint julep I decline the invitation Since Sin e the Dred red Scot decision nothing has stirred up as much bitter contro contro- controversy controversy versy south of the Ohio river A 4 North the of-the of the Ohio river doesn't count The Yankee conception of a julep is calculated to make a host of sleeping Kentucky brigadiers rise up from their respective Bourbon casks and start giving the rebel hiss liss Naturally the only perfect julep is the he Paducah julep Just drop in next summer and sample the real product on its native heath not heath not at ati ata ata a i saloon where the bartender is likely to have heretical ideas such as using preserved fruits and even putting the sugar syrup in first which amounts to downright crime but but in the private home S a e Western Superiority IN TN N BORNEO tigers slay such an 1 incredible host of natives that the yearly mortality is proportionately almost tenth one-tenth as great as the average number of persons who will willbe willbe willbe be wiped out in traffic fatalities on American highways during any given given given en 12 months In India owing to the refusal of those benighted Hindus to destroy any living creature inhabitants inhabitants tants annually are arc killed by venom venom- venomous venomous venomous ous serpents whereas in this coun coun- country country country try in 1936 we spent only 15 billions for crime or 18 times as much as I we spent on national defense yet managed to let many poisonous hu hu- human human hu- hu human man snakes go free to build up mur mur- murder murder murder der statistics In Japan geisha girls are govern- govern governmentally governmentally governmentally mentally licensed and protected which is indeed an affront to the principles of an enlightened people who patronize so-called so worlds world's fairs that are dependent on unabashed I nudity for popular favor and shows I dependent on foul lines and nasty situations IRVIN S. S COBB Copyright Service |