Show J fJ 11 I 1 p 1 11 By IRIS nus 8 g 1 Autumn the beautiful season of 11 golden days Is with us again We hear the gentle rustle of dry leaves dropping the soft sort whir of a pheasants pheasant's pheasants pheasant's pheasants pheasant's pheas- pheas ants ant's wings as it lifts in flight and the shattering roar of background crowds crowd s as televised sports appear on our screens j 1 IT HAS liAS OCCURRED to me that the roar of the spectators wouldn't be so wracking nerve-wracking if what take place on the screen were understood Certainly Certainly Certainly all aU the yelling and hollering in the background doesn't disturb my husband But he understands what's going on In the foreground and I 1 dont don't 1 i In self elf defense Ive I've tried During the recent World Series Sedes I 1 turned on the set one afternoon and made myself my- my jj self seU comfortable determined to find find jj out what all the fuss is about When ji the TV warmed up there was this big fellow standing all by himself on ona a small piece of elevated real estate estate es- es 1 tate chewing gum or something at ata a great rate There was another fellow fellow fellow fel- fel low in a squatting position who appeared appeared ap- ap to be practically on the first firstman's ii mans man's toes I 1 finally discovered he was the catcher and the angle of the camera made it appear as if U he andi and i the pitcher were fighting it out ver- ver bally r if ALMOST IMMEDIATELY someone someone someone some- some one I 1 could have sworn they called hit the ball and there was wasa a great to do over it A man running running run- run ning sideways caught it and the announcer announcer an- an f. f said flied filed out Right after that somebody else hit the ball and the announcer reported that thata a fellow standing way off by himself him him- self seU fielded it How that announcer got a job on a national network I cant can't imagine I have a first grader j who uses better grammar than that I know even less less about football and my lack of knowledge hasn't cost me any sleep As nearly as I can make out a lot of t overweight men all decked out in enough gear tt to make it to the Antarctic and back stand around with their heads together and their rear ends sticking out discussing discussing dis discussing dis- dis cussing whatever It is they think ought to be done next My whole feeling feeling feel feel- I ing ng about football is that what they ought to do next is go home the lot lotof lotof lotof of them although I 1 have told my husband husband husband hus hus- band to call me in to watch o aft h the television one of these days when a player Is preparing to run runaround around his bis own right end Ive I've always wanted to see how that's done GOLF ON TELEVISION Is marvelous mar mar- as as a soporific I 1 cant can't think of anything that will cause me to doze off quicker than watching some m man an bent slightly at the waist shift shUt his weight endlessly from one ona foot to the other while he gently waves a club back and forth above the grass One sport I 1 do understand if only slightly is basketball This was due to an accident of birth I was born In a town with just barely enough girls in the high school to make up upa a full team with su substitutes I 1 ended ended ended end end- ed up as a substitute willy nilly I J learned which end of the court had our basket in It and how to dance around with my arms waving is somebody near me had the ball but th that's ts t's about as far Car as I ever went The high spot of my entire career as a basketball player came on the night our coach a large man slipped sUpped while running and knocked me into the wall I was was' the happiest ex- ex basketball player with a busted collarbone col- col in the whole county I WAS NOT HOWEVER a complete complete com corn flop In sports For six months straight hand running I was the un undisputed undisputed undisputed un- un disputed jacks champion of the sixth grade I have the scars on my knees to prove It 1 |