Show SUGAR AND 1 SPICE t by Bill Smiley r frightening Isn't It If Are you frozen with terror these days Youre You're not Then wake up liP you vegetable Youre You're supposed to be Haven't you noticed the re re- campaign to scare the living daylights out of or us ordinary ordinary nary souls There seems to b bo b a conspiracy in the communications iI media to put you and mE mt and our wives and kids into a perpetual state ot of fear tear Advertising Is the most mod prevalent prey prevo alent though not the most powerful powerful pow pow- erful weapon of 01 the ers erg It Is suggested that it If we have greasy hair or a greasy sink were we're sunk that If It we dont don't use a certain soap we stink sunk that If we dont don't drink a aman's amans amans aman's amans aman's mans man's beer were we're a bunch of or you you know know Well all this is enough to set setup setup setup up a certain nervous tension Inthe in inthe inthe the ordinary amiable chap What man wants to admit hes he's a failure because he cant can't rush out outto outto outto to his friendly neighborhood dealer and snap up an new all-new Super Aurora Borealis Shooting Star Sedan with safety belts Or has dandruff But this is for the morons You know all the people who dont don't read this column If they want to wind up with acid add stomachs stomachs sto sto- upset nerves migraine headaches and irregularity as constipation I Is s now known serves them right Anybody who ho hoIs Is frightened by that kind of advertising ad ad- advertising deserves it But it Is not on the humble watcher commercial that the big guns of the horror brigade are trained It is on the serious reader reader- r rea e a d e r- r viewer They have moved lock stock and fright fright- fills fuls into the newspaper magazine magaz magaz- ine foe book and serious TV field Every time I pick up leaf through or switch on one of these media somebody is trying to frighten the wits out of me about something Its It's a bit hard for for a fellow to cope with Black headlines or graphic pictures suggest that Im I'm supposed supposed supposed sup sup- posed to be shaken rigid about w Communists and cancer birth control and bingo high school outs drop and Simultaneously Im I'm supposed to be stricken by Integration and insulation U tf Im I'm not in favor of or orthe the former therell there'll be a terrible blood bloodbath If It Im I'm agin the latter latter lat lat lat- ter my heating bill will soar Sometime during the day Im I'm supposed to be whimpering in a corner because of priced high funerals the computer which is 1 going to put me out of or a Job the unfulfilled housewife find and all that leisure time Im I'm going to have next year when automation automa tion lion takes over You'll notice I J haven't even mentioned nuclear fission which is old hat nor the squirrels in my attic who at this moment according to an article are chewing my wiring to start a fire in which well we'll allbe all allbe allbe be cremated and do we have enough insurance If U people weren't basically so sot t tOil tough o U g h sensible and mean they'd all go to bed and pull the covers covel's over their heads Fortunately Fortunately Fortu Fortu- were we're as sensitive as an anold anold anold old rubber boot But In In case the scare scare distributors ar are bothering you let me give you a formula that Is guaranteed to steady the nerves On One thing at a time Communists most of us are twice as scared of at our wives as we are of the Red menace menace Juvenile Delinquents hit them on the head Hard liard Cancer you want to live forever Creeping Socialism better than the galloping type The Computer so who wanted wanted want want- ed a job in the first place Leisure Time be happy to have a chance to sit on your butt Unfulfilled Housewives fill them Population Explosion sec Birth Control also Nuclear Fis Fis- sion Priced High-Priced Funerals you dont don't have to pay And so on Weekly Features Syndicate |