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Show Cousln Jack wants ine lo go to the theater with him tonight, and you can take care of the baby. M. A. P JUST FOR FUN Antique Tables. . An old gentleman was' proudly exhibiting ex-hibiting some of his most valued possessions pos-sessions to a trlend who had called to see him "That table," he said, with the pride of a connoisseur, . "Is 500 vears old." "That's nothing," came the startling reply from the visitor's son, who was accompanying his father, '"we have one at home which is 5,000 years old " "Impossible, my dear boy Impossible. Imposs-ible. What kind of a table la it?" said the old gentleman. "The multiplication table," Tlt-Itlts. Tlt-Itlts. "Does your husband go in lor golf?'' ask6 the caller. "No.' she answers, "lie goes out f..r it " Judge. His Train of Thought. A New York boy brought home with him from collegu a friend who had not visited the metropolis for ten years. After a day of sightseeing the two were walking down Broadway Broad-way near Twelfth street "Oh, Jack," said the guide, suddenly, sudden-ly, "you remember Grace Church don't on ?' "Let's see," replied tho other with signs of interest "what company was die In "Everybody's. Late New. Landlady (to lodger) Am you in the bath sir'' Voice between the splashes Yes. What d'you want? Landlady I forgot to tell you I had it fresh painted Inside last night, sir, and it won't be dry tor two or threo days. Punch. Fixed Ratio. Actor (on the road) I suppose you have no Idea what the size of our house will be tonight? it varies, doesn't it? Native Well, you kin generally tell l'tirty accurately by dividing the number num-ber of pecple In the company by two Puck. Sounded Interesting "What did the minister preuch about last Sunday?" The sinfulness of cheating at bridge ' - - 'AVell. well! Did he mention any names?" Kansas City Journal. Stuck on Himself. Bell They thought he was dead. onJ all the' papers printed obituary i.otlces. ? ClaraAnd then Hfll Why, theu he turned up. and ylnce he's read those notices he'B loo proud to speak to any one. Exchaugo. Believed. A voting farmer who is quite ambitious' ambi-tious' to write for the paper sends nie this poem, which he is positive Is original: If vou were a dog. sweet. And I were a pig. A-rooting around the yard, Aud the old man should say. "Chase that fat pig away." Tell me, would you bite me hard? After reading It over several times I am quite convinced that it Is original orig-inal with him. Iowa Homestead. Turn About. Youug Husband (who thinks of reforming) re-forming) Jennie, my dear. I know you have been grieved and pained for a long time on account of my absence ab-sence from homo every evening. I'm going to turn over a new leaf and begin be-gin tonight. Young Wife Oh, Edwin,, you don't I. now how happy you have mode me! |