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Show I Dorothy Dix Talks By DOROTHY DIX. the World s Highest Pfiiti Woman Write I j SHAME KILLS LOVE jj V youhg woman who i well bred, and college educated, and who has been used to good society all her life, I ha? lallen in love with a man who is what we call "self madp " He is a spendld chap in every way. He is haud?oiin clfeVi r, i nrgetlc, en-' terprising. magnetic, generous, with ihe irresistible attraction lhat stron men always have for women Bui this man literally lifted himself but of the gutter whore he was born. He has no (education. He does the sword swal- lowing act when he ears, and his Lramuiar is a thing to make one shudder shud-der even Id ihese days of linguistic slackness, and slang Wherefore the girl Is exceedingly troubled In spirit She appreciates all that is wonderful and tine in the- man. 'She Is caught up in the glamour and the romance that surrounds one who Is a soldier of fortune, with the courage cour-age to do and dare. She loves him and wants to marry him, but she hesitates I because she Is atrabl iha'. her affec-I affec-I lions will not be able to survive the ' assaults made dail and hourly upon her taste by one who eats peas with his knife, and 6ays. ' I done seen." I think the young woman is wise. Love is killed far oftenet bv pin pricks than it is by (he word. ll is easier to overlook a few big otferfses than the little daily and hourly irans-; irans-; grossions that get upon our nerves. It is wroog. of course, but true, lhat moral lapses are not so djsan banting j to us in our fellow creatures us lapses j in grammar and table manners, Matrimony, at iis best, Is a greal IdlaneUer of Illusions, and it Is hard to keep up the romantic attitude towards I those who feed llko pigs, or (o keep In mind the lnuc?, of those who c6m mil assaull and batter;, lipon the Eng-lish Eng-lish language every time ihey open ' their mouths (o speak Therelore, marriage between thupo who have not ihe same blandaids of conventions is apt to be a dangerous experiment. So far as my observation goes. I such unequal marriages are almost always al-ways failures. I have seen many cu! tured and refined women marry rough diamond men, but almost Invariably such marriages have brought unhap- 1 plnes to both parties. And I have seen many highly edu-1 cated meu. captured by pretty faces, marry ignorant gills who were untutored untu-tored children or nature, and thesoi marriages were also disastrous. ' It seems to roe that there are two! reasons why these marriages are al-, ways bound to be foredoomed failure? fail-ure? The first is that the great basic 'law of happiness in marriage Is congeniality conge-niality Like calls lo like, and after one has had one's fill the piquancy of dliference, that attracted one for a ; while to a stranger, one turns back iwith a sigh of contentment to one's ! own kind. j A woman wants a man for her steady companion through life who has been bred as she has. who has the same ideals, the same code ot conduct. I Who speaks the same language. A j man wants that kind of a wife, and when people marry out of their class pnd get husbands and wlve who ran t read tho "Keepoff the grass" signs of their order, il spells misery tor both ! parties. j The second reason why the marriages mar-riages between tho cultured and the uncultured are disastrous Is because shame skiis love quicker than any- thing else on earth Somehow, our own judgment in matters of the affections affec-tions does not suffice. We have to have the K. of mr little world upon our beloved. When n woman has to blush at her husband's social blunders, blun-ders, when a man is mortified by his wile's laek of knowledge of what to ua. and do. and when she looks uncouth un-couth amidst .ibe women of his old 3et and hi-, family, then thty might as well kiss Cupid goodbye, for he's getting ready to dtparL Of course in these unequal matches the one who has h.;d the better advantages ad-vantages always thinks that he or she, will bridge the guir by raising the other oth-er to his or her own level, but only in the rarest cases this optimistic, plan ever accomplished. Men and women who have grown to men's and women's estate, have their habits or speech and manners o ingrained that i' is almost impossible, to change them. It can only be done wheu the individual.- themselves.' realize their deficiencies and are hum-tie hum-tie enough to be willing to be taught, and ambitious enough to bend all Iheir energies towards learning. This marvel can be accomplished especially with women, who arc naturaily more adaptable than uf-n. Two of the most elegant women I know were crude, uneducated girls whose husbands had them trained after marriage by tutors who taught them from how to drees and which fork to use. lo speak good English and read good literature. As a general thins, however, the woman who has been beautiful enough to capture a husband above her own funk In life, or the man who has had the ability to raine himself above the level to which he was born, are too egotistic lo be willing to learn. They admire themselves so excessive ly that they think no improvement is necessary, and they affect to despise de-spise the refinements which are not theirs by inheritance. And, especially, do they resent any criticism Horn their husbands or wive?, and this Is natural and inevitable inevit-able because the one person In the world in whose eyes we wish to think ourselves altogether admirable is the man or woman to vhomwe are married. mar-ried. It s a dans rous experiment marrying marry-ing o-it ol our class. It Is better to wed those who have the same feeling about a split inlinitive that you have, and who cat soft bolitd eggs in the manner to which you are accut toiued. |