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Show - HEARD ABOUT TOWN j WISF CRACKS My Annie has a bathing suit That fits her like a tent, sir But this I know thought she s no beaut She's safe from any censor! "Among tho things you read about but never see is a crease in a fat man s trousers." ahsurves Little Benny. The puppy had been punished and was sulking In n corner. To him came the small daughter of the house to administer, not comfort, bi-ii advise. "You may Just as well be good first as last, Budd," she admonished. "Everybody "Ev-erybody that belongs to mother has KOt to mind. I've been through it all, and I know." ISdinburgH Scotsman In a Pennsylvania town where tho Friends abound, a prim old Quaker gpinifiCer on.' day attended the marriage mar-riage of her gTand-nephew, a voung person who In the course of his tweh-ty-ono years had received much needed need-ed discipline at her hands. The old lady was at her best on this festive occasion, and at a pauee In the wedding breakfast her young relative looked at her with a bigull-Ing bigull-Ing smile. "Tell us why you never married, Aunt I'enclope'.'" he Raid teasingly. "That Is soon told, William," said the old Quakeress calmly. "It was because I was not as easy pieasea as thy wife was." Harper's Magazine IUT STUFF The coal men cannot fuel all the people all the time. Life. Teacher- Name an animal food. Puoil. Doe biscuit. M .Uj. DON'T THET? She: Women have cleaner minds than men He They ought to, they change them more often. KICK FROM SUBSCRIBER and one day last week I never gc tho paper for three days. AT TTIK BOX OFFICE Ogden youth: "Have you a seat left?" . Ticket seller (Indicating number). "Yes T. 21 ?" Youth: "Yes. and if it Is that kind1 of a show I am glad that I did not bring my mother along with me " A MISS PRINT "Use our cold cream and protect your lips from the ton " "Marjorle, you havo been bmoklng." "No mo" her." "But your breath smells of tobacco." tobac-co." 'Father kissed me good-bye." "But father doesn't smoke " "I know it mother, but his stenog does " OH TlO 111 He may not havo A little Fairy In his houo But ho has a Little miss In his engine and A lb'tle made In his cellar. 4 f I I GDOOE .11 MM IE SEZ: I There are still some gujs so I be-numbed that ttley think a Gad I I lilac i.s something wrong with tho eye. f AND THEN SHE GLAU11E1) A sweetie whose surname was Bauer Sure was a delectable Flauer. I kissed her fair cheek. Then let out a shriek, "The Cf Sam on your face has turned sauer!" Rich widows are tho mose desirable second-hand articles on the market. YES, WHAT? Wna has become of tho old-fashioned girl who used to clutch at her skirts when she rounded a windy corner? cor-ner? "What's good for .haps'" h.hIx a. I girl subscriber. Depends on the kind of chaps they are "As a man thinketh so he is " But how is it with a man who thinketh he is the whole thing. We seldom ever believe a girl enjoys en-joys a kiss unless we have It from her own lips. "Much coal slated for delivery."? Headline. Ours was slated. A telephono company In a small Kansas town recently run an adver-1 ttsement Uko this: Take a day offi and call up your neighbors " " Tim thinks "day off" Is right. No man Is a hero to his valet, but few of us have valets and so we can get away with it unless we re mar-Irled. mar-Irled. Grocer. "We have some very fine .rlti;,' beans today." Mrs. Nevvbrlde: 'How much aro, they a string?" The wife of a western Congressman Ls sensitive on the subject of her defi-dent defi-dent orthography and her demands for' information as to correct spelling sometimes place her peace-loving hus-band hus-band in a delicate position. One 'lav. as she was writing n letter her desk, she glanced up to ask: Henry, do you sp.-ll 'graphic' with one f or tw o ," .My dear, was the diplomatic re-' ply, "if you're going ot uso any, you! might as well uso two." Harper's Magazine. |