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Show T. torliin. lor a .Inke "Vou Americans mi Id tbe Ixuidon young man, n he slopped sucking hi cane, "are alway Insinuating that we Knglltbmrn don't know what a real Joke Is Now, Just bold jour sides whll I go liter this one whlih I read In n home paper it wek ago "'The CnunliM-M'liird )ou were nt the grand dinner last night, were )on not? Just n while ago I beard one ot those tulgar Americans make the remark that thl murulng you had n big bead " 'The Duke Hut m'lndy, there's nothing In It ' The Anierlinu looked at sober at criminal rourt Judge "Well?' benskeil "Don t you see' eiplntiud the disgusted dis-gusted llrlllther. poking tbe other In the rllm with hi csne. "the Countess rn) some one nciusid her companion (ha!) ot haling a big head (hat lint) nnd he declare (p ha' bat) there a nothing In It1" "Yes, but" , 'Illarstrd Idlne), but what!" " "Her rompniilnn was a Duke!' "Yis" "And not any different from the rest ot the Hngllsh nnbllltyT" "No Hut the Juke, the Jokel It It o adroitly put In apparent Inadvertence" Inadvert-ence" dmpenitet) ' the Duke admits there la nothing in bla bend! Now do you see J ' "Well, It Is n llllln strange that the Duke could make such a frank and candid admission, but where does the Joke come In?" llrooklyn Lite ,.cl teller. The following unique epistle was found on n suburban street car recently "Dear John This la wrolo you to let 3011 know how nil the family la John we're iloln' party well now, If I dots) It in) self Your Uncle Jim bad the good fortune to lose his left leg on 11 railroad and got damages and la now llvlu' with us and payln' board which Is a great help to us Your brother lltll felt In n nllar In Atlanta an' broke his collar bone, fur which he got JiO and Invested It In n gray mule, which was cheap at tbo price Your grandmother has been cured of tbe rheumatism nn' It now ablo to do the family wathln'. nnd altogether, John, we are well off and mighty thankful to I'rovldenre, which always provides" Attsnta Constitution runi lit 3ll4lnfVriri1 toql..l. Dltnyel Iho banks are very helpful -to cbtldreiw.!n iuy-tptnln-- -. . Iharpe First steps to composition, so to speak Dlmley-'Kxactlyi they leave out Important words for the children to supply, thus "Father says It Is hot today "llrooklyn Life, Mi1h.rln-l4ia'lr. lie "Dirllng, will you be my wlfoT" She (nil heiress) "Are )ou quite turo you love me for myself alone!" He "Certainly Didn't you tell me you were an orphan!" Ttie 1-olul o Maw. Viewed through an Inverted glatt, Bomellme mtkis one sea double; Thus, four quarts of beer Is apt To mnl e a full jieck of trouble. Vfoul.l Do the Itlihl Thlag. Vicar (reproving the Inebriated parishioner), par-ishioner), What would you say It you were to tee mo reeling down lb road In a atato ot hopeless IntoxIcatbinT "I wouldn't tell soul, sir." JUST LIKB CimnillEB. Customer Aro there any warms In those cherries! Truthful Hoy Yes'm, but yer can't tell 'em Thty tatto Just like the cbur-rlet cbur-rlet I-unlin Hss In lllllo. De dawg he si cm a-longln' dcas to hcah dat huntln' holm, D mult he si em a-longln' foh a day ob res' en cohnj De darky seem a-longln' for a chicken twlxt his Jaw. De kernel stem a-longln' fob a Julep en a straw Alone In Her lilorjr. The men buvo nil gone fishing and there Isn't one In sight, Ot her wile they are completely out of reach; So the maiden's feeling angry, and It full of spleen and spite. For she's now tho only pebble on the beach Olhrrwlle Orop!L Clerical Tourist Do piuple wonhlp at your little church?" Villager Mighty few. Most ot ithe men falls asleep nn' the woman spends their time lookln' at each other's clothes -llrookl)n Life Satiipl of senlltali Italttea. Lflll A story llluttratlng the reticence oBpl nt tho Biota Is credited to Ian Moclnr- rSaM A train ws nt n station, when - aaaaawl porler put his bend Into n carriage tEf and called nut JHfl 'Any ono for Duunr Change her JO for Dount Any one for Dunn?" jCibbV No onn moved and In n few mlnults tHf the tralu was speeding along, not lo JH stop agnln for nearly nn hour, iJB Then an old Kcotswomnn turned to a SsaB lady near her and said: jBI ' I'm for Doun but I'd no tell that (Hfl man so " -lanlal Ida "It I a wondir they do not Heat leave the dnlnga of hlUi Hocluty out IKS ot Ihe paper occasionally I am so Hk weary reading them," M& May 'Ditto, dear" H Ida Thin )ou have biiu reading H about Astur In Uinilon?" B May "No, I have been rending lbs M automobile newt from Newport.'' H t'LBABANT PIIOSI'BOT. lH Nervous Splntler Utile lioy, did H you ever kill any snakes hero? H Nice Utile Hoy No, mum We H snves 'em for the boarder You can find 'em most nnywhere Tho graat It M of 'am. H Mite.a lo Una H Three attractive woman were going H up town on a Madison menu oar last H evening, vrhen one noticed the head H line "16 to 1" In u newapaper aha car- ' jljaaaai "What doe '16 to 1' mean, any- KaHH bowl" she chattered aaBBBal "Why, It meaua," aald the woman J noxt to her "that sixteen sliver dot- JaaaBall lars would bo equal tn one gold that tarsal Is, I mean, that It will take sixteen JtaaBBBBai ounces ot silver lo make a silver dol- -BBBBBBBal Thai.aa-l.l,i.baJ-a4-looWad.oa- t :iataBBBBBBBBal fused, nnd a demure woman In blue aaBBBBBBai dress who sat liesldo her endeavored aaaaaaai to help her out of the tangle In this vtsaaaBBai "What Ihey want It to make a dol- M lar out ot both metals, part allver and M part gold It Is slxttn parts ot sllvnr H lo one of gold I've forgotten which. JH They call It bimetallism" 'LaBa! This solution was mure satisfactory M and the conversation turned Into M other channels -Nw York Mali nnd M Rxprcsa. H ! Hil Nn.plrloaa. "You will find mo very little trou- H ble," remarked the prospective tenant M to the woman who had furnished apartments to let. "In fact, I never H leave a placo but what my landlady .bbbbb ebeda tears." M "I'm glad you mentioned It," rejoin- 'Laaal ed the knowing female, "otherwise t" )iibbbbb! might possibly have neglected to man jH tlon that my terma are strictly cash aaaaal In advance M Jutt I4ae tlaa. H Mrs (Irowells "Oh, dear, I feel ml- M erablo again this morning" M Mr 0 ru wells "I'm glad to bear It, H H Mr. Qrowells "What! (Had to hear JM that I foel miserable?" H Mr, drowells "Yes, for a woman U M never happy unless she Is miserable." M tlraal llliruirrj. M "They auy 'Necessity Is the mother .bbbb! of Invention,' Hslton " asaal "Indeed It Is. Our flat wua ao amall M thnt wo wero forced lo have a comblna- M tlon folding bed and Ico box It'a tbe H greatest thing out. Why, when I went LH to bed thoso sultry nights I thought H I was sleeping on an lie berg" lleod h.ollc.l mints. H Tbe Commodore How do you c- H count for your friend being such M good sailor, Mlts Price? aaaasrl Mlts l'rlro Oh, she has been stay- JHT Ing nt a summer resort where there S wero two hammocks und tour eligible jutTtE men. llrooklyn Ufe. rjtjfff ratlin- Off tn Altaallon. Et!E "Harry, you mutt try to pay aomt- frui thing on Dr Pltstr' bill" .fiJia "Why, hna be said anything abotrt JmW It?" vnfBti "No; but when I go thero now b wiStv doean't sympathise with me at alL"-i M.VIi!Jh Indianapolis Journal 4W4 A Oae-hl1m1 ArrHiiaiua4t. Bnt "In this country we glvo up moro In Mi tips to various persons than ws lone by bUn burglnrt " AaaisYi "Yea, and we can't have tie con- iaafisU solstlon ot firing pistol oft at Intra iMw as they get away." Chicago News. Hu Jim Two. 1iHbbbbI Urlghton "Hello, Durch, do yoi fsVaaafl bear Parker singing 'Just One Olrl'T" bbbbbbbbI Durch "The dtuce you say! Why, I IH ht told me this morning It was twins. I I |
