Show W what hat I 1 L 11 ta cobb ll f thinks S about saluting the president SANTA MONICA CALIF LJ TOP of the morning to you mr president elect 1 many happy returns return sl but youve already seen the happy returns haven t you 4 weve been behind you right along at times some of us may have been so far behind you we couldn coulden t seem to see you at all but why bring that up now As for those who voted the opposition ticket well americans may be greedy to win but they re sporty losers besides it 11 soon be b e hard to find anybody who was against you among t the h e multitude the patri irvin S cobb ot who actually opposed you except maybe in a whimsical spirit will be as lonesome as an honest bone in the average beauty contest promoter s body synthetic napoleon brandy I 1 T WILL now tell about napoleon brandy napoleon brandy is any brandy more than four years old if poured from a dark bottle with an N I 1 on it and decorated with cobwebs applied by an e expert cob web twiner before being served price 1 50 to 3 per slug at your favorite robbers cave morr genuine guaranteed napo leon brandy is sold every month in new york night clubs alone than all of the regular napoleons numbered respectively I 1 II 11 and III ever saw what brought these interesting statistics to mind was running into a collector of napoleon brandies why some of his specimens must date back as far as 1914 but my aim is to collect the pis to Is carried by jesse jams and the handcuffs worn by billy the kid it s a great ambition but may run into money because it will take a large hall to contain all the jesse james six shooters and all the billy the kid handcuffs I 1 ve seen hurrying to get et nowhere W HEN I 1 see a motor mamac burning up the road and feel confident that ninety nine dimps out of a hundred there s no earthly need for his hurry I 1 think of a japanese gentleman who visited a typical new york go getter they started downtown the guide hurried his guest aboard a subway local yanked him off at times square jammed him on a packed express pulled him out of the ex press further down and violently inserted him into another overflowing local when they emerged at a way station the japanese was badly bruised rumpled and trampled he limped to his host hosts s office where they sat down with practically nothing to do except relax so he asked why they d changed cars so often when the original train would have brought them along oh said the new yorker doing that we save six minutes the oriental sucked in his breath politely and did some pondering and what he murmured then what were you going to do with the six minutes 9 cobbs pet annoyances S SOMEBODY writes in demand ing to know what my pet loath ings are well let s se Is it the fellow who having heard every blamed word you said waits until youre you re all through and then says I 1 what or the barber who having finished the job grabs up a towel and dabbles you with ninety hundred and seventy four separate and distinct dabs or the clerk who when you go in for a pair of socks tries to ito sell you everything in the store include ing some pajamas that you wouldn t be caught dead ina in or the orator who says one last word and buries that last word under about five live thousand other words or the solicitor who begins by asking for just a minute and hangs on until you begin to figure the present christian era must be ap pro preaching aching its close stage and stock market ITS TT S curious that two of the most fascinating and envied professions finan ciering and acting do not necessarily call for int intelligence diligence not that there aren t brilliant persons a plenty engaged in both lines but the mimetic quality the knack of rendering other people s lines perhaps without ever understanding them may be but a sub limited emotional instinct just as sometimes the ability to make great gobs of money has nothing to do with brains or rather brains have nothing to do with it A certain man can smell out a hidden dollar exactly as a rat terrier sniffs sniff s be hind the wainscoting the rat which another dog would pass unnoticed there are young ladies capably interpreting classic roles who ably think salome is the name of an italian sausage IRVIN S COBB cc |