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Show w HAPPENINGS ABOUT TOWN Somebody left the window open and in-flu-Enza. Sneeze in your handkerchief and save your friends. Three little school marms, Down with the flu; 1 jjs One sneezed her head off, Then there were two. We saw a cartoon yesterday w h v. $ was drawn by Judge Nichols' boy. it showed a railroad station and a train that had just arrived. Automobiles were awaiting the new arrivals, but there was one with whom they did not reckon. It had entered the city with the train and was graphically portrayed as the spectre of influenza. We predict big things for this lad, who at thirteen already displays a remarkably resourceful mind. Referring to the school marms. Miss Goodrich said to a little fellow in the class, "Willie, did you whisper without permission?" "Only wunst," said the boy. "Johnny," she said as she turned to the boy beside him. "is that correct?" "No. teacher," he answered, "he should have said twict." Fred Jefferson knew a married man back in Montana who always wore red neckties scarlet and crimson crim-son and every other hue of that kind. He never feared anybody's bull, and was a very good listener, too. Most of his ties resembled the awning on an oriental porch, or a Mexican sunset sun-set with a chili-con-carne temperature. tempera-ture. These ties so appealed to Fred's artistic temperament that he has since been trying to emulate his friend's taste, and has been successful success-ful beyond the approbation of his patrons. pa-trons. He said that the hue was In harmony with his business, and the color of raw meat is not a cheap one either. Engineer Decker came along the other day and said that, because of the shortage of help, he knew of a certain woman in town who was doing do-ing her own milking and illustrated the art in the field opposite the depot every evening. She Stroked the heifer on the back. And knows what she's about; Some of the milk goes in the pail, But most of it goes out. "Bishop" Harry Martin celebrated his first shave in three weeks by smearing his face with some of Van's axle grease. He said it beat any cosmetic he ever used in his courtiu' days. Harry just returned from Baker, Ba-ker, Nevada, and states that anyone snortine a clean shave in that town is looked upon as a confidence man or a nominee for congress. You read in a recent issue that Harry had invented in-vented a valve cap which will bring him big royalties in the market. Both he and his brother Bill are mechanical mechani-cal geniuses and had they gone into the big game seriously each of them would today be acknowledged as world-beaters. He was a portly gentleman. Two hundred , pounds or better; His beard it grew at such length, lie used it or a sweater. Carl Veater. the cattle man. is around on the rialto after a serious accident. His horse stepped into a chuck hole and fell on him. That was a horse on Carl. We saw a nice looking young marine ma-rine on the street the other evening, and we envied him in more ways than one. That natty uniform has been covered with glory, and we have often wished that we might have been in that immortal advance that sustained the fighting tradition of this sea-soldier. Incidentally, we envied en-vied him because he had every pretty girl In town making goo-goo eyes at him. We were absolutely in the dark. Mrs. Kit-Kat Dahle says her husband hus-band likes the sweet things around (Continued on last page) HAPPEXIXGS ABOUT TOWN (Continued from first page) the place, but she isn't the least bit jealous. She and her hopeful stood at the garden gate the other night. Her name was Maud. She had a kick like Si's mule. She kicked because he attempted to kiss her. Finally she relented when he said, "If you give me a 'kiss, I'll give it back." Now, this is a true story and some of the neighbors know the sequel. Maud laughed at everything that was, j So funny all things seemed to be. ! She laughed at life and all it meant,, And. oh, she also laughed at me. One of the school marms at the Milford thought the new malady was getting a grip on her the other night. She said it must be of Chinese origin because when she sneezes she always says "Ker-choo." Joe Hamilton, an authority on checkers and dining room luxuries, tell sone on a pair o his stuttering friends. These two unfortunates met each other and one said with aggravating aggra-vating difficulty, "S-s-s-say, George, w-w-why don't y-y-you g-g-go down and s-s-see Doc. Smith? He c-c-cured me." Joe says that his friend Neil-sen, Neil-sen, who was well known among the older residents here, also had the habit. One day a friend said to him. "Ole, do you always stutter?" "N-n-no," replied the Norwegian, "only w-w-when I-I-I t-t-talk." You may go to California, And winter near the sea; But I'll stay right here in Milford, Utah's good enough for me. A rangy youth of bashful manners ! sauntered into the Atkin the other evening. "I wanna room," he drawled. draw-led. "You want a bath?" said Geo. Atkin, eyeing the prospect curiously. "Nope," replied the unsophisticated one, "not till Saturday night." Charley Sloan was dressed up on Tuesday night. Why, we know not. He states that all of his new clothes are old ones, and that if Carrie Nation Na-tion were living he'd have her make him a suit. You know she made all the saloon keepers in Kansas close. We are sorry Indeed to see ourj good friend Dobson and his wife leave . us. They have our best wishes and may the future be brimful of happy j fortune for both of them. Mother Grimpy says: Them as has. I gets. ! Always swat the little flies. Whatever you may do; And also swat the little germs That breed the deadly flu. Did you ever see the Marshal ride down Main street on his pony? Yankee-Doodle had nothing on him. It's an equestrian which, copied in marble, mar-ble, would win a first at a Paris display. dis-play. Of course, that pipe with its Egyptian aroma would have to be laid aside during the sitting. Frank Wallin was toting the baby around the other night during a squall. A carpet tack stopped the lullaby and the singer at the same time. "Guess it's the war again," he soliloquized, "there's tax on everything every-thing nowadays." |