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Show Xfhl.Phillipr f PROMOTION IN BASEBALL Baseball is declared to need a "promotion man" by Larry Mac-Phail Mac-Phail and others. We second the motion. Many things that would raise baseball to the household esteem es-teem enjoyed, say, by movies, radio, ra-dio, etc., are neglected. For instance, is baseball far behind be-hind the time in putting emphasis on keeping it clean? Isn't baseball losing los-ing its appeal by insisting that the athletes conduct themselves with i good taste? Isn't scandal essential today to popular appeal? A movie star gets into a series of disgraceful episodes and is featured anew in heroic war roles! Another screen hero sounds off publicly in a night club on his private love life and his fan mail doubles! A young lady becomes an overnight rage through a particular catlike personality! person-ality! Isn't it possible that the mob would tear down the baseball park gates to get a look at a southpaw who had just survived three indictments for cradle snatching? Wouldn't the attendance at-tendance be trebled by the appearance appear-ance of a shortstop who had divorced two wives and was romping around the gay spots with a new sweety? Maybe the falling off in baseball attendance last year was due to the fact no club carried enough gag men to flood the press with wisecracks which the ball players thought up in the swankiest bars in town? We pause for a reply. And we're afraid we will get it. Another Job a promotion man might tackle would te to put more emphasis on food at the ball games. Eating has become the Number One sporting project and athletic feat, anyhow. Why not glamorize the hot dog? Thousands would flock to the ball park upon reading a newly contrived advertisement: FRANKFURTERS AND NINE INNINGS OF BASEBALL AT POLO GROUNDS TODAi 2 P. M. And can you imagine how tills would raise attendance: "A SANDWICH, SAND-WICH, A BAG OF PEANUTS AND A DOUBLE HEADER FOR 75 CENTS." Promotion. That's the idea! On with it, boys! And how about name orchestras and dancing under the stands when a game goes flat? THE KIDS' DEFENSE (After meditating on recent lapses on the part of the young folks.) Low moral standards we're above, Our honesty's true blue, It comes from observation of The things our elders do! The fine example that they set (We see it everywhere) By grabbing every chance to get It easy here and there! Our ethics they are kept aloft By merely looking at Our elders seeking something soft And waxing rather fat. We see the grownups merely wink At virtue driven low. And when we feel our morals sink This helps us, don't you know! The lawyers who boast ethics tall Yet for a fancy fee Will work for any crook at all, And strive to set him free. . . . Those politicians shrewd and deft The gimme-gimme crew Those fixers to the right and left They help the kids, they do!! Those movies full of grease-ball guys The slickers glorified. . . . The happy ending as it tries To justify a snide. . . . The spotlight for the cheap "foul balls," The punkeroo and heel. . . . Oh, how they help the kiddies all To keep an even keel!!! A big New York department store is now specializing in diamond sales. We remember away back when no shoppers ever dreamed of getting up early to get bargains in precious stones. And, believe it or not, money is so free today that we saw a group of housewives knocking one another down to get a 20-cnrat stone marked down to $5. 400.89 from $5,457.00. Awah-h-h! "Our last scruples must now be cast asifie and we must be cruel and inconsiderable. We must murder mur-der and poison." German radio spokesman. The sigh', of the Nazis casting a scruple at this stage of the game must be one of the great spectacles of all time. We don't see how they can do it in view of the Nazi scruple shortage. There hasn't been a good scruple around Germany in years unlesi aornebody has been hoarding. |