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Show i GOOD M JOKES Nj DANGEROUS LINE OF TALK. , "Mother, I wish you wouldn't mention men-tion dishwashing when George la calling call-ing on me." "Why not. Indeed !" "I don't like IL It sounds common." com-mon." "Common, ehT We have to eat, don't wet" "Of course." "And George knows we eat and uae dishes?'' "That's vory true." "And Ceorfo also knows that dishes have to be washed, therefore somebody some-body baa to wash tbem?" "Hut. mother" "What nowr "If you keep on talking about It, Oeorge may discover that you make father wipe them, and he may think tbe same thing Is coming to blra if be should propose to me." Time for Patriotism. Tbe organist was not lacking In patriotism, yet he rebelled when requested re-quested to play "Tbe Star Spangled Banner" at a wedding. ' "It la not appropriate." said be. "Ain't tr said the bride's father. "For this wedding It la the most appropriate ap-propriate thing you can play. Cut all the rest of the program If you Ilka, but stick to that. I bad the hardest kind of a fight to keep nelle's mother from m rylng her off to a foreigner. Between Ilelle and me we won out for an American, and If this Isn't tbe tln.e for 'The Star-Spangled Itanner,' I'd like to know what ir STINGY. Ml She Ile'e very close. He Tea; be reminds me of an expensive ex-pensive umbrella. She How so? , He He's a tight role. Too Young to Be Thrifty. "Ob, Oeorge, baby's had an awful time! Instead of dropping those pennies pen-nies you gave him la the tin bank be dropped them down his throat All the neighbors came over, and Dr. Dose Do-se m and Dr. Drastlo were here, and you never saw such excitement! What do you suppose made htm do ur "Why, I suppose be preferred human hu-man Interest to bank Interest" A Dreadful Shock. The waiter bowad and swMtly smiled. Just at the proper time; But soon his look wss rather wild-He wild-He only got a dime. Cook's Day Off. Mistress (finding I er cook's young man In tbe kitchen) What arc you doing here and where la Lena? . Young Man Its her Cay out; she's gone to town. Mistress Well, and you? Young Man Oh. I thought I'd etay 1 . at home. 1 Taking No Chances. A Pittsburg man, visiting In Youngs-town, Youngs-town, bad to drop a note to his stenographer. stenog-rapher. 1 "What Is the proper way to address 1 young lady?" he asked his host. "Would you say, 'My Dear Miss,' 'Dear Miss.' or what r "Just address her as you would In , the office," advised tbe friend. "Oh, that would never do," the vis- ( Itor exclaimed; "suppose my wife abould get the letter?" Way to Hsndle Them. Tbe divorce court was grinding. ' "All ladies who married on a bet or , a dare or for a Joke will stand up," announced the clerk. They lined up. "Your applications are denied. Now the regular cases will be heard." Th Main One. "What do you think of the possible cuts In beef?" "There Is only one cut In meat blch concerns me Just now." "What Is itr "Tbe way It has cut my acqualn- b tance." t A Misnomer. "I understand your wife If financial- 1 ty Interested In your business?" p "Yes" "A silent partner, I suppose?" "Well er that's what she calls kerself." tl froof te the Contrary. a "I anderstand that a number of women wo-men hace learned to smoke cigars," c: aald the frivolous observer. "I don't believe It." replied Mr Meektaa. "The kind of cigars women fay eobodr could smoke " j hi VERY APPROPRIATE. LcjLj .... aa el . A First Hoarder (after supper) Great heavens! this Is the second time today to-day that we've bfid sausage. Second Hoarder That's all right This Is groundhog Jay. Ringing the Bell. This rsthcr clever Utile thought We mptureil on the wing; A pretty girl In rslled belle llecituiie she's niHltl to rlng, Ellzsbeth Knew. Uncle Jack, who was visiting them for the Christmas holidays from th west, wished to talk to Elizabeth's father fa-ther at his office. He could not find the telephone directory, and thus appealed ap-pealed to three-year-old ICllzabeth for information regarding the telephone number: "Elizabeth, what dots mamma ask for when she talks to duddy at his office?" he Inquired. Elizabeth was wise for ber days. "Money," she lisped. Resentment. "What advice would you give a man who said he was afraid he was developing de-veloping symptoms of kleptomania?" asked the physician. "You ought to send him to me." replied the lawyer. "The manner In which medical experts are taking c.ises that properly belong to the legal profession Is going to cause some kind of an ethical clash, sooner 01 later." Courteous Appreciation. "I don't see why Dllgnlns goes out and buys his wife expensive presents every time she refuses to speak to him." "H'm." mused Miss Cayenne; "don't you think the man ought to do something some-thing to show his gratitude?" A LITTLE WOMAN. Little Ctrl I want to get a mitten If It don't cost too much. Shopkeeper Oh! you mean a pair of mittens, don't you, my child?" Little Girl No; only Just one one that's suitable for a boy that's goin' to propose an be rejected." His Own Words. "Is Rlgby a man of tulture?" "Ob, yea Indeed. You Just ought to near blm say, 'I'm strong for muslo ind the d rammer.'" Th Test "What makes you think he's got noney?" "Well, they coulda't prove by hla ooks where the money went" Not Hsrd. "Do you expect me to be In two laces at once?" "That's not hard. If you were a s'ew York fugitive from Justice, you. :ould easily be In 20," Going Up. -"Real estate Lock r sudden Jump la iur neighborhood yesterdsy." "Wbst made It rise?'' "A gss pipe In the street blew up" The Hones' Man. "Are you looking for work?" "No, sir; I'm looking for money nit I'm willing to work because that's he .only wsy I csn get It." Fslthful. 'he bedbug tftu nn training Oe, He's Jt a poor dumb slob: lut you ran bet rour rnin that he I always on the )ob. ( It Often Turns Out That Way. 1 "Twenty-five years ago people ' nought be had a distinguished air, 1 nd now look at him." "Yes. now look at him poor old hap. Still, he baa a son who Is a , ophomore." -What of thstr J "Tbe son seems to think his fsteer , sj a distinguished heir " ( |
