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Show heave chunk of coal at a tenant b cause he had bad hla Anger naila man. (cured. I don't have my finger naila manicured, but I can control my feelings. feel-ings. "I'm willing to admit, Neli, my friend, that there Chink ain't got while eyebrows and a complexion that looka like It waa fresh b'iled. lle'a got a good deal the same cboek bonea that you've got, but then, he braids hla ball and works fourteen hour a day and eata rice oftener than what you do. 1 know that'a aggravating and there ought to be a law against It. but there ain't no law and there's nothing In the rule of thia here building agalnat It ao I guess you'll have to stand for It You get me? "Because If you don't, Nels, my friend," said the janitor, with sudden ferocity, "I'll beat It Into your bone head with a grate crank. Why, you tow-topped, lop-eared, knock kneed son of a smoked halibut, the first thing you know you'll get that Chink scared and I'll bare to be paying out money tc have my little bit of a week'a laundry done for me. "And you not even naturalized!" concluded the janitor, with blttet scorn. Il, The Basement Philosopher Bt KENNETT HARRIS crrifU. mi tr w. a On ) "Nets, my friend," said the janitor to his Scandinavian assistant, "I take notice that you're a-gcttlng gay these days. That there cap of yours is got too small for your head and I don't believe the cap'a shrunk any at that What was you abusing that gentleman for just nowT What gentleman? The gentleman with the laundry, the yellow yel-low complected gentleman with the alant eyes and the baggy pants that you waa a-apeaking to so unkindly. "Chlnyman, was her said the janitor, jani-tor, with a broad smile of perfect comprehension. com-prehension. "Well, of course that'a different If he was a China, I don't know as I can blame you. It's per fectly natural that you'd want to kick him off the premises and make motions mo-tions to that effect I s'pose he give you the excuse that he had business here what? Thirty-eight and twenty, seven gives him their shirts an' flat pieces, don't they? I thought they did. Anyway you done well to let him know that he waa the scum of the earth and the offscourings of humanity. human-ity. He mightn't realize It If ha waa treated civil and decent "When you come to think of It It's a blessing that there Is scum and offscourings off-scourings for us to look down on and kick around and bawl out once In a while," mused the janitor. "We'd certainly cer-tainly be In a bad way If there wasn't I guess we'd lose all our self respect ! know you've done me. heaps of good that way, Nets, my friend. It's been great comfort to ma after the agent -k if Jm "ANOTHER THINO THAT GIVES ME A PAIN IS TO 8EE A GUY A-SMOKIN' A CIGARETTE." has been raising Ned around here for to jack you up and tell you what I thought of a race of people that put Dahbaila In their soup. I don't know ut what I'm going a little too far in calling you a race. You're more like t funeral procession, judging by the most of you that'a worked for me. Hut tint's neither here nor there. We can't all be Irish, nor yet American, and it's a good thing as I'm a telling you. Somebody's got to be the goat "What makes me sore, and what makes any right-thinking man sore," the janitor went on, "Is to see some guy doing something that I don't never do nor never thought of doing, and couldn't do If I wanted to do It. You understand that don't apply to baseball base-ball or variety show stunts, but them's about the only exceptions I can think ot just now. You take this here golf. I get the willies now every time I take the old woman to the park. lion-eat. lion-eat. It takes away my appetite for the lunch to see them lunatlca. Seems to me a grown person might find something some-thing better to do than to put In time swatting a dinky little ball around a twenty-acre lot I feel like smearing their fingers with molasses and giving them a couple of feathers to play with. That would be a sensible form of amusement alongside of golf. It looks like to me. Some of 'em wear knee panties, too. Gee! What they ought to wear Is Russian blouse suits with sailor collars and pretty little socks on their pretty little lets. Fierce, ain't it? "Another thing that gives me a pain la to see a guy a-smoklng a cigarette. That'a something there ain't no excuse ex-cuse for that I can see. Anybody can get a clay pipe, and a couple of month's steady smoking 11 make It as iweet and juicy aa need be. A pipe is a man's smoke, though I ain't got no objection ob-jection to a cigar once In a while about election time. Fame way I'll Lake a tub of suds when I'm dry and I've got the price, but if you're bound It's your trest and I happen to feel like It you can give me a little rye. Hut mine's beer ss a general thing. That's one thing I'll give the Dutch credit for: tbey may have a poor language and disgusting Ideas on the subject Df cooking, but they're all riht when It comes to a steady and sensible drink. Most drink 1 good in moderation, modera-tion, though, aa long as It's not mixed The only thing I draw tb line at Is Bcotch. What I ssy Is. pstronlze home Industries. I've no use for Scotch or a j man who will drink It "Tea, sir," saldtbe janitor, emphatically, emphat-ically, "I'm against golf and bridge I hist and clgsrettea and Bcotch. Likewise Like-wise I'm opposed to spaghetti and cabbage cab-bage soup and lUamarck herring and chop sue y and four o'clock tea. I'm i i American citizen. At the same time I don't claim that Dagos snd Kikes and Chinks and Hankie and 8candeboo tana ain't got no right to live, and I don't feel called on to kick 'em around ten I get one of 'em off by himself, er more than 14 feel called on Ut |