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Show Gathered Smiles I CRAFTY HUSBAND. An arcade shopkeeper tells us thst I well drcaand man of shout forty tame Into his place the other day and asked to see some chafing dishes. He didn't care for the first one shown him, nor the second. "Itt me see some nicer ones more ez pensive," he said. 8o some very flossy ones were ihown him, but still be wss not satisfied. satis-fied. "I want a chafin dish that is ez-tremely ez-tremely showy," be ezplalued. "Something "Some-thing that will attract attention on any aldeboard. All gold and silver and chasings and things." "Well, here's oue that Is distinctly an ornament" said the salesman. "The only trouble Is that It's so fine. Your wife don't wsnt to use It for anything but to look at" The customer's face brtghtoned wonderfully. "I'll Uke that one," he grinned. NOT NEGOTIABLE. The Dyspeptic Why do you trouble me with your stories of hungerT I envy your good appetite. The Hobo Yes, but dere'a one great trouble about a good appetite. De better bet-ter It la de more difficulty you find In truclln' II off fur sometbln' to eat. Dead Horses. A man was fixing his automobile. "Trouble?' asked a bystander. "Hume," was the laconic answer. "What power car Is It?" "Forty horse," came the answer, "What aeems to be the matter with lit" "Well, from the way she acts, 1 should say that thirty-nine of the horses were desd." Ladles' Home Journal. Misdirected. Iter smile waa very eweet to see. Hut. ah. It wasn't meant for me. How and la life, as on we Jot That amlle waa wailed on a tog. Ingratitude. "I helped an Intozlrated man out of the gutter aeveral weeka ago and put him aboard a car." "Yea?" "The other day he wrote to the police po-lice aaklng them to find my address." "Ah, I see. He wants to force $10,-dOO $10,-dOO on you." "No; he ssys he thinks I must have pinched hie watch." Woman's Woes. "Then you're not glad that your husband atruck oil?" "Ob, I suppose I am for the aake of the children. Hut It's pretty touRh on a woman of fifty to have to go In for high heels, fashionable dresses and straight fronts." Just Like Her. Mr. Styles Fldo Is getting more like you every day, dear. Mrs. Styles How so? "Why, every time I do anything ho don't like he snaps at me." BY THE WAYSIDE. Dusty Hhodea I hate fleas. W eary Walker Me, too. pard. They tnake me awfully Irritated. Never Saw One. Tie rlly unhin knows the gnu. The Ibes on II bough. II b-arns about 'em at Die Soo; lie wouldn't know m cw. A Dlffernce of Tsste. Mrs. Llaton Welle Iko't you think Miss Tbumpford Is playing that nocturne noc-turne through too fast? Mr. Ikiardman Too fast! Good Leavens, madam! She can t play It through too faat to suit tno'-luck. On Caa. ' "Thla arl'ator aaya money ought to be smashed." "A quwr tuirniftL Can tjosey e . inahrl? I - "t'.l. I once saw a run iuctvr kpttk t',in a nlckcL" j What They Rsad. "(lot through reading your paper, yet?" "Just finished it" "Lend It to me f a moment?" "Can't Threw It away. It was 96 In the shade at 4 o'clock yesterday, and McOoogln and Schultz Is today's battery for the home team." "Thanks. Well, so long. Bee you later. Not Denying It Long Buffering Wife I don't know bow I ever came to marry you, anyhow! any-how! You've always had a bard face on you! Equally Long Suffering Husband That'a true enough. You've kept my nose to the grindstone tor fifteen years, and It's still a fairly good nose. A Kind Msn. "Hush! There are burglara In the pantry eating those pies I made this afternoon! ' "All right, III look after them." "Oh, George, you are never going to attack them!" "Certainly not. I'm going to take them a bottle of painkiller.1 Two Good Raaaons. Tourist (In Kentucky) I wonder why this shabby little hamlet Is called Dell Delight? Colonel Nosepalnt Ilecause, In the fuhst place, It Is In a dell; and, sec-only, sec-only, because we have fo' applejack dlstlllerlea within a stone's throw of each othuh, suh! Puck. Office Chst "Wombat Is always willing to stay late," remarked the junior partner. "Haa hla heart In the office work, eh?" said the senior partner. "Not ao much that He haa bis family fam-ily In the country for the summer, and he's thankful for any excuse to stay In town." Not Supsrstltlous. Mrs. Lakeside Mrs. Weeds was married on Friday, and In leas than a year she was a widow. Mrs. Wabash Now she will probably prob-ably want to be married thirteen times, to see how that would affect her luck. Puck. ROMANCE ALL CONE. He It's) quite romantic our meeting here again this summer. She It would be, only I've married since I saw you last summer. Parcel Post It Injurea romnnre much, Indeed, In taae a damsel awet Eaperta to get a tender screed And S'la a pound of mrtl Before and Aftsr. Hacon You know, a girl, before she Is married, has an Idea she can live on love. Egbert Of course. "Hut after marriage, different She can't even live on alimony then." Scientific Problems. "Much energy Is not utilized. There ought to be some wsy of conserving the rays of the sun." "Yes, and look at all the energy that goes to waste In chewing gum. If we could only harness the gum chewers, eh? Flshlsss Fisherman. "Bo you took a day off from your work and went fishing?" "Yes," replied the man who Insists on being cheerful. . "Have any luck?" "Certainly. A day off la luck enough." Restricted Styles. Jane Good gracious, do you call that a bathing suit? Mamie Why, yea. Jane It surely wasn't designed for the water? Mamie No, for the photographer. Similar Needs. "We must have an organ to support sup-port us." "Why. that's just what the street muslrlan said to his monkey." Local Atmosphere. "And you didn't see any windmills In Holland r "Not one." "That will hurt the toorlat busl-neaa. busl-neaa. I should think the hotelkeep. era would get together and maintain a few " Ita Kind. "I notice there Is to be a rsce b t" een a railroad train and an aero plane" "Then I nppoae It will b a race with a flying start." |