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Show n i -ri l The Basement 3 Philosopher - Bt KBNNKTT HARRIS h i t. I. (CumtitN. I9ii, kr w. a ciMMa) ' "I take notice that you're quit shav-19 shav-19 tug yourself with the tinner's shears, Nels, ray friend," remarked the Janl-10 Janl-10 tor to hie Scandinavian assistant "You mint have sprung yourself for a razor -' lately. And that four-ln-band danger 10 signal you're sporting It another thing t', that gives me food for thought, a the r. feller says, not to mention the rhino- stone collar button, la it the spring n season In a general way, or la It the Q primrose blonde In 18 In special? u- Well, it ain't no business of mine, only it fouTl e well to be careful. Keep your eyes open and look about you be-r- (ore you make up your mind. d "Tou see, Nels," the Janitor went a- on, as be hoisted himself to a seat on o- the basement railing, "you see you've ly got opportunities, owing to the Job a. that you're holding down here, that most men ain't got. You don't have m to Uke the chances that you'd bavq w to take if you was on the section or f, working in a livery stable. The gink who's digging sewera or driving a 0 dray for a living has to take risks t that makes me shudder when I think of them. He goea to a dance, we'll (. say, or a picnic. Ho ain't In no frame j" of mind to uho sense. He's too full j of ham sandwiches, hot dogs, chowder and high aplrlts to have any room for reason and judgment, and while he's l' In that there condition of tempry In-'" In-'" sanity he runs up against a bunch of skirts, and the next thing be knows 1 one of 'em Is cashing hie pay checks B at the corner grocery regular every y Saturday night Just like that! "They all look good to him. Sure ' thlngl That's what they're there for. They've got on their longeree waists, with the narrow pink ribbon showing take me long to gel hep. U the shade Is down at her bedroom winder a' naif past seven, count me out tight on that proposition. If she's elnglni at her work she's got a cheerful dlspo slUon. If 1 sue the cat scooting even time she picks up a broom, nlz on that Not any I Then I've got to find out bow she stacks up ou the eata How? Easy! I notice the garbag can when 1 go to empty it If there'i a mess of scorched cakes and raabf the half of a roast and a lot of stale bread and a peck or so of oatmeal 11 k there Is in some, It don't take no Sherlock Sher-lock Holmes to flgger out that she'll waste about as much as her husband can make and send him to the hospital hos-pital with atummlck trouble. No sir, the less garbage there Is, the beU'J her chaocesll be,' says Hill, ' 'Not when you've got the opportunities that you've got around a Sat building.' "'Well.' says I, 'that sure sounds , like sense,' And It Is sense. Tfeat's why I'm giving you the tip, Nels. You take a little less notice of Hilda or Helga or whatever her name Is and a little more of what she sets out for you to empty. You've got the same opportunities that Bill had. "What klrl of a woman did Dill get? Why, 1 forgot to tell you about that One day he come to me looking look-ing pleased and told me that he'd found the right one. A fine, good looking look-ing girl she was. Cook and general In 11, where the Greenwalls are now. Always had on a clean dreae and apron, Hill said; kitchen as neat as a pin, up at six sharp, sang like a blessed lark and no waste. 'Me for ber,' says Hill. 'It's just as easy to pick a good one as a poor one,' be says. " 'Go to her,' enys I. And he did, the very next day. The only trouble was, though, that she didn't fancy lilll, and In fact she throwed a dipper of hot water over him and told the Iceman Ice-man and the iceman wiped up the alley with him and 1)111 got so mad that Just to spite "era he married a girl that was just leaving her place at 13 that be badn't Investigated. Now lie says the best thing a feller can "YOU'VE COT OPPORTUNITIES MOST MEN AINT COT." do Is to keep his eyes shut. When he's married, anyway. "So there It Is. Nele," concluded the janitor, as he got down from the railing. "It's all very well for s man to be careful about taking bit pick, but he's got to be In shape to stand Inspection himself." through from underneath and they're wearing their blue beads and their bright smiles, and what more would a man want? Can she mop a floor or wash a shirt or cook a tater the way It ought to be cooked? Who cares? Ain't she got on her silk stockings and low-cut shoes? That's the way to look at It. Well, you don't have to go to no pictures, Nels. All you're got to do is what Dill Mudge done. "Who was Hill Mudge? Why, Kill was a feller that worked for me here last spring a yar ago; that's who Dill was. Hill bad sense, mil bad. No bugs In Bill's besn; be'd tell you so himself. First thing Hill would do was to be sure he was right; then he'd go ahead. Sometimes be'd go Just a little ahead of the toe of my boot, but anyway be'd be rlgbL 'I ain't agoing to jump afore I look,' he'd say; and be wouldn't not unless I stuck the point of so aw! In a sort part of him when be wasn't looking. Dut he was great on keeping bis eyes open snd taking time to make up his mind. I've known a thirty-car train of mixed freight made up quicker than Dill took to get that mind of bis ready, and with less switching. But tbat's the kind of a feller be wss. "Well, pay attention now! Hill took a notion that it wasn't good for s man to live alone and that two could live just about as cheap as one and be used to come and talk to me about It There's from sixteen to eighteen girls in this here building that might do,' he says to me. 'I've made up my mind that when I find the right one I'll marry her, but I'm agoing to be dead sure that she Is the right one. I ain't agoing into It blindfold. I don't buy no pig In no sack, me.' "That sounds like sense,' I ssys. 1 don't say that It Is sense, but It sounds like It How are you agoing to find out? "'Iy using my eyes and my Judgment.' Judg-ment.' be says. I ain't been applying of them In tla.it direction afore, but I'm going to. It's a pipe! Ain't I at every kitchen door all times o' day? Well, here's the way I'll find out ghe's got to be neat end clean herself, her-self, to begin with. I don't want no sloppy wife. Well, It ain't going tc take me no time to find that much out Same way with the way she keps things. I step In to fix a winder ketch or romething and I take notice whether the floor Is scrubbed sn' whether there's grease on the gas range. I throw my eye on the sink and squint up st the celling for cob- ' webs, ir the look of things ain't satisfactory. sat-isfactory. I cross ber off right there and dont waste no more time. " The next question Is whether she's a bustW.' ssys Bill 'If she's ap and busy bright and early It don't I |
