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Show NOT NUMEROUS, BUT EARNEST. "What's this hall lighted up fort" inquired the reporter. "This li a meeting to protest against any father delay In putting lamps at the corners of this street," suld the man occupying tba big chair on tha platform. "Yoa seem to be the only person here.: "Yes, and there ought to be a full house I tell you, sir. It's a blamed outrage that this part of town has been neglected so long, and" "Say you're a pretty husky cltlsten. How much do you weigh?" "Two hundred and thirty nine pounds. What's that got to do with "I'll Just say 'the meeting was largely large-ly attended and full of enthusiasm.' Good night." Mad the Sale. "Let me see some of your black kid gloves," said a lady to a shop assistant. assist-ant. "These are not the latest style, are they?" she asked when the glovt-s were produced. "Yes, madam," replied the shopman, "we have had tbem In atock only two days." "I didn't think they were because the fashion paper s.iys black kids have tan stitches and vice versa. I see the tan stitches, but not the vice versa." The shopman explained that vice versa was French for seven buttons, so she bought thr;o pairs. a Mis "Herein" Wss tha Worry. "I say. Sambo," asked a man of an Improvident negro who had lost a job for the third of fourth time, "aren't you worried over the question ques-tion of wherewithal to support you?" "lordy, Marse Henry." was the reply, re-ply, "I ain't worryln' 'bout wherewithal; wherewith-al; Is worryln' 'bout de wherefore fur de herein." STARTING EARLY. Mrs. Newwed I'll never leave baby with my brother to mind agalu. Mr. Newwed Why not? Mrs. Newwed I left baby with hlra today and when I came home, the baby was playing with a pack of cards aud a box of poker chips. Never Again. Shi- iiioked J'int nee-No nee-No tiiif. you lH.'t! She ralla It now A "li karutle." Her Need. Matrimonial Agent What kind of a husband do you want? Girl One who doesn't smoke, drink or swear, who brings me chocolates and takes me to theaters and restaurants restau-rants every day. Matrimonial Agent You don't want a husband. What you want is a beau. Judge. Basis for Calculation. He Refore ve go to Kuroiie I must sea vot dm dourlst gonipanies vould schurge. She Vould yon t'lnk of goin' mit von of detn gompanles? He No; but votefer dey would aeharge ve ought to ba able to do It for less Fuck. Nothing Strange About That. "Queenle, you are accustomed to speaking of yoursolf aa exceedingly plain, but you don't know how your face grows on one!" "Oh. yea, I do, George; It grew on me. didn't Itr ' Unkind Thought. Hacon What has become of the old-fashioned old-fashioned bicycle rider who could get himself arrested for scorching? Egbert I expect he's scorching In some other world now. One Esemption Sura. Patienc A society has made Wti! a offer to buv all the songs he writes & a year. I'atrlce I know very well It caa'l be be Humane society. In C'sguise. "IM us give that man Into custody. Ve la w taring falsa whiskers " "Go slow." "Hat be must be up to soruetUsg tefarloue " "Maybe he'a only protecting Mrn-salf. Mrn-salf. He may be an umpire off duty." His Class. "When a maa la jty about ofevla-3e ofevla-3e " -WelJ?" "Oouldnt he be aorreetly deecr.Vwd as a kissing bog?" Needless Alarm. An old German farmer entered the ofllcn of a wholesale druggist one morning and addressed the proprietor: "Mister liecker, I have der schmall pox " "Merciful heavens, Mr. Jacobs!" ei claimed liecker, as the office forca scrambled over each other In their hurry to get out, "don't come any nearer." "Vol's der madder mit you fellers, anyhow?" quietly replied Jacobs. "1 say I haf der schmall pox of butter out In mine wagon, vot Mrs. liecker or-tcred or-tcred las' week alreaty." National Food Magaxlne. TURN ABOUT IS FAIR PLAY. lis The Reformer Well, some day we will have laws abolishing trusts. The politician Very unfair. The trusts haven't made any threats about abolishing the lawa. Blttsn Yst. If any nna on earth tins M"t Mo" n-!lnu than are niln Thy'r wnr on than I am and they May have my bacon rind. Counter-Thrust. "A rery good retort!" said Senator Iodge tn an argument over the immigration immi-gration bill. "A very good retort Indeed! In-deed! It reminds me of Weeks. "Weeks and his wife were quarreling. quarrel-ing. " 'The night you proposed,' said Mrs. Week, with a hard, scornful laugh, 'you acted like a fish out of water.' wa-ter.' "Weeks sighed. " 'Hut a very cleverly caught fish,' he said tn a musing voice." Selling Relies, "You say this sword came from a "" genuine battlefield?" , "Yep." "How much?" "Three dollars, with an appropriate anecdote. Or, If you don't care for the anecdote, you can have the sword for two dollars." Shy on Idess. "Sometimes," declared Mr. Wombat, Wom-bat, "I think men are too feeble-minded for any use." "How, now?" . "For twenty years I've asked my husband daily what he wanted for dinner, din-ner, and he'a never been able to make a suggestion yet" Numbered. "What mover did you engage this year?" the wife asked. "The same old man," replied hubby. "You know, he has the combination of our number m1 furniture." Judge. Knew Hla Capacity. "Well, where have you been? "My dear. If I should try to tell you all the places !' been" "I Judge by your condition that jou have been to more than seven." OBSCURE. LIU "Ah! Hack from your vscatlon. I see. Did you find what you wanted an obscure little village, far away from clvllliatlon?" "My boy. It exceeded my wildest dreams. Why, that town didn't even issue souvenir postcards." ( Youth's Indlssretiona. Thoi rh Willi. Moth was youn aa4 rwn. Of tour, h thmicht he knew It all; That's why he brassed that ba h4 Invited t-i camphor ball Eapert Advice. "Shall I marry Mr Wombat, who Is forty, or Mr. Wopp. who la twenty f They both earn the same salary." "Marry the young man. lle'U nag lees sbout expenses." "Why oor "He cant remember when frlct-e sere lower." |