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Show I A Sorrowful Affair.! Hyde Parker Gets Married, Bachelor's Club Goes Kerflunk. Kiitiuu RErriiLUAN It now becomes be-comes my painful duty to chronicle the account of one of the most sorrowful (to some of us) affairs that ever happened In our little burg. Brother Martin Keeder, president of the "Old Rachelois Club." has done gone and done It, -that is to say, lie has got married, hitched up for life, for better or for worse for one of the fair belles of the town. Henceforth he and Nettle Hancey will Journey down the stream of time together. What makes the affair a sad one to the remaining membcis of the club, is to think that he would so basely betray be-tray us; to think that he would thus go back upon all the pledges he has so often made us, and leave us as sheep without a sheperd no one to warn us of the danms besetting our feet, to point out to us the mischief lurking behind laughing c)es, curly hair and rosy cheeks. We tremble, fearing that we also might fall a victim to u woman's wiles. We think how eloquently elo-quently he warned us of our danger when we met last two )ears ago. All the old members of the club were thcic Charley Drury, Andrew Woolf, ni)sclf, Solomon Plage, Hilly Wilkinson, Wilkin-son, Ncphl Johnson, and the following new members joined us at that meeting: meet-ing: Joseph Johnson, Alma Ralls, Dac Scamon, Frank Dalnes, Riley Harris and Albert Klrby. Hut I started start-ed to tell you of the eloquent speccli of our president on that occasion. ''110)8," said he, "don't let a woman lead you astiay. Beware of the giddy dance, the moonlight walks, parties and picnics; meet not the gae of laughing c)es. All this talk about rosy cheeks, lovely smiles, the bewitching be-witching waltz and other nonsensical stuff may do for lialr-bralncd, spoony youths, but It will never do for members mem-bers of the Old Bachelor's Club. Think, said lie, of how Adam yielded to the temptlngs of Eve and lost a Paradise; think of David and Solomon and how women led them ustiay; think of how Anthony lost a kingdom all for Cleopatra, as )ou value your standing in this Old Bachelors Club, shun a woman's smiles and a woman's wiles. When you meet a woman 011 the street, turn and go aiound the block, or )ou may meet )onr doom .lust think of how expensive the) ate the buggy rides, the rings, feathcis broaches and other IWtuies. regarded as some of the component parts of women, all cost mone) No Slice It will never do. Just think of getting out of a nice waim bed In winter with the thermometer -0 degrees below 7eio and walking the ttoor with a colic) bab) trying to see how haid It can )ell, and )Oiir wife crying out "John, wh) don't )on keep that biat still " Think of this and then If )ou want a wife, go and get one, but don't come tome for s) 111 path). Stay by jour principles bojs. and the "Old H.iche-loi,sClub"of H.iche-loi,sClub"of H)de Paik, will yet be grandest organization on earth " "Amen, and all in a health, and each one pledged himself to single blessedness all his davs Now Mr Kditor, after this eloquent speech and the confidence we put In him, it hurts us to know that all the time he was playing us false. We noticed achaiige In his demeanor, but we never doubted him. Once when coming upon him suddenly, he was muttering something about, "Love In a Cottage." Wife and children," and it Is now said that lie has been meeting Miss Nettle at night, taking moonlight walks, telling little love stories and bamfoozllng us all the time. Well, no wonder Charley Drury Is mad and Andrew Woolf swears vengeance. Hill) Wilkinson Wil-kinson threatens to many the first cross-eyed old maid he can find; as for m)self, well, I have been kicked by a mule, bitten by a feist dog, been defeated de-feated for a political office, and had the measles, so I guess I can stand It I propose this, that the Old Bachelor's Club of H)de Park Is hereby dissolved and declared defunct; and from henceforth hence-forth be known as a thing of the past. There Is no use to try and keep It up any longer. Riley Harris and Albeit Kirbyfell victims toa woman's beauty, now dance babes upon their knees We hope Mart will pay the line agiecd upon, a suit of clothes to each member. As he Is a genial, Industrious In-dustrious fellow he may become a good husband, and we hope in time, a loving father. VlCK PllKSIDKNT OF TIIK Ol.UII, |
