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Show SOME "jFAJLJJiY JOYS. WHY CRUSTY OLD BACHELOR REMAINED SINGLE. Hl Brief Experience with Two Angel Children Satisfied Him With His Lot Seemingly It Would Satisfy Almost Anybody, The crusty bachelor had returned to his boarding bouse. The thought of tho advanced prlo of coal had added to his nlready strong satisfaction In being single, and It was with something some-thing of n keen relish that he replied to the query of the prying landlady: "Why don't you get mnrrled?" "Well. I er really seo no need of It. Two weeks' vacation In the homo of a Now Hampshire benedict has served as a sovereign remedy for any inclination 1 may havo had In that direction." di-rection." The landlady put down her knlfo nnd fork, wiped her lips with her napkin, nap-kin, nnd with nu attentive nlr, said: "Why, what do you mean?" "Well, you hco," answered the bachelor, bach-elor, soaking a cruller In his coffee, "I met with an unfortunate, though I may say not an unusual, condition of affairs in married life. Tho principals wero possessors of two children of tho carroty type. They had complexions llko that of a blushing short lobster going out of the stale of Marine! Tho boy's face was especially lurid, and, for ono of his tender years, ho had an unusually aimplcctlc look. In fact, I heard that he had had violent attacks of Indigestion, which for a lad of six summers wns rather out of tho common." com-mon." "How extraordinary!" remarked the landlady. "Yes, Indeed," returned tho celibate. "They had tempers which matched tholr complexions cspclally the girl. They sat opposite me nt the table, and although I am said by my doctors to be a nervous person I think that that teBt proved I was not a hopelss rase. As soon as breakfast was announced tho two youthful progenies would dart for tho samo chair. It was like tho trumpet signal for battle. This first episode usually ended In a clinch and breakaway, In which tho mother, n careworn-looking matron, took a quiescent qui-escent part. "Round two occurred whenever tho two happened to wnnt tho same piece of bread, which was Invariably the case, and consisted In more or less hair-pulling. Round thrco consisted of a moro spectacular form of warfare. Usually It began with right-handed swing by tho gcntlo maid upon the mngenta head of tho youth and ended end-ed with a 'shower of kicks delivered In tho direction of tho young lady's solar plexis. This mado tho boy look like a plnwhccl In a 30-ccnt collection of fireworks. It was also an Intricate movement, as It was all done while sitting In a chair." "Remarkable!" interposed tho mistress mis-tress of the bonrdlng house. "Quite so. Kspeclally ns this was only the curtain raiser for tho melodrama melo-drama that followed. Every tlmo tho two met during tho day It meant a rough-and-tumble scrap and a cry like caterwaul." "Why didn't tho parents Interfere?" "That Is the great mystory, tho rid- en nnd tcold, but beyond a menace thoy did not punish. Tho children seemed to understand this, nnd It lent unction to their deviltry. Now If they had been my children I should " "Well, what would you havo dono?" "That Is Just the reason I didn't get married," he remarked, according to the New York Times. "I should not wish to bo confronted with that stupendous question," And he hastily withdrew to catch tho 8 o'clock trolley. |
