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Show NOT PINLN'OXOK HAIR BALD-HEADED MAN SATISFIED WITH HIS FATE. Tired of Silly Jokes Constantly Made nt His Expense, Mr. Bllllklns Shows How tho Good Things of Life Gravitate Gravi-tate to Him Naturally. "I'm getting sick and tired of these liald Jests at my expense," announced Hllllklns, ns ho settled himself back in his chnlr near tho window. As ho spoke tho lights wero reflected hrlghtly on his shiny pate. Tho Illuminations Illu-minations socmed more brilliant because be-cause of bis presence. "I can't enter this club but that smiling Idiot, Smlthby, comes up and says: " 'I say, old mnn, you know what tho nihlo says about overy hair In your bend being numbered? Then yours must nil bo back numbers. Ha, ha, "As soon as I come to nftor Smith-by's Smith-by's brain-throb I go to tho washroom, whero, llko as not, I And Jonesly. IIo's pretty sure to como up with sonio worm-eaten bon mot about my combing comb-ing my hnlr with a towel. "On my way upstairs I 'most always meet Snodgrass. Snodgrass has an ingrown in-grown smile, which ho uses on tho good things that ho keeps to himself. "'Ah, Dllllklns,' says Snodgrass, 'I thought you wero coming this way. You look so "much allko that I can never tell which way you're going until un-til I sco your features.' "You'vo nil heard that Juvenile bit of pleasantry about tho little boy who wanted his hair cut llko grandpa's with a round holo In tho middle. That nlwnys brings mo visions of Tlmpson. Ho rclloves himself of it dally In ho billiard room. "Jackson isn't so bad. Ho usually puts somo little mental pearl of this sort on tho market: "'Never mind whnt they tell yon, Dtlllklns; Just you bear In mind that most groat men are born bald.' Jackson Jack-son has moro senso than ho knows of. "As I said, though, I'm sick and tlrod of It all, and now that I'vo got you all hero I'm going to stato my position po-sition clearly: "I'm bald, and I'm glad of It. It's a sign of intellect and distinction to bo bald. Think of all the panhandlers, handbaggcrs and cutthroats that you know of. Is there a bald head among 'om? Most cortalnly not. "On tho othor hand, consider tho statesmen, lawyers, doctors and mon of learning you'vo soon. Every other one of 'em's a shiny top. "Look at the hairy men of ancient times. Thoy all went wrong In somo way or other. Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, and Dolilah tangled Samson all up in his own hair. "Bat to como down to modern times. When I buy a scat In a theater do I get lost behind a hedgo of pompadours pompa-dours and balcony pillars In row Q? "Not I. Mr. Ticket Seller gives ono glanco at my naked thought-domo, sees that I'm ellglblo for tho bald-headed bald-headed row and knows I won't bo satisfied sat-isfied with anything else. "Then, again, I never havo any trou-blo trou-blo about my hair falling out. And from what I can sco, the falling out of tho hair causes most men moro worry than fallings-out with their families. fam-ilies. "When I go to get shaved tho barber bar-ber can't talk me Into having a shampoo sham-poo when I don't want It. And ovon if the inclination wero mine, which, thnnk heavens, is Isn't, I couldn't possibly pos-sibly go round with my head covered with hair oil and smelling llko a musk factory. Now York Sun. |
