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Show NOT PINING- F0K IIA1II dALD-HEADED MAN SATISFIED WITtl HIS FATE. Tired of Silly Jokca Constantly Made at His Expense, Mr. Bllllklns Shows How the Good Things of Life Gravitate Gravi-tate to Him Naturally. "I'm getting sick nnd tired of these bald Jests at my expense," announced UlUlklns, ns he settled himself back In his chnlr near tho window. As ho spoke tho lights wore reflected brightly on his shiny pate. Tho Illuminations Illu-minations scorned more brilliant because be-cause of his presence "I can't enter this club but- that smiling Idiot, Smlthby, comes up and says: " 'I any, old man, you know whnt tho Illlilo snys about every hair In your head being numbored? Then yours must nil bo back numbers. Ha, hn, "As soon ns I como to nftor Smith-by's Smith-by's hrnln-throb I go to tho washroom, whore, like ns not, I find Jonesly. Ho's pretty sure to como up with soma worm-eaten bon mot nbout my combing comb-ing my hnlr with a towel. "On my wny unstnlrs I 'most nlwnys meet Snodgrass. Snodgrnss has an Ingrown In-grown smile, which ho uses on tho good things that ho kcops to himself. "'Ah, UlUlklns,' snys Snodgrass, 'I thought you wero coming this way. You look so much ullko that I can never tell which wny you're going until un-til I see )our features.' "You'vo all heard that Juvenllo bit of pleasantry about tho llttlo boy who vvnntcd his hnlr cut Hko grnndpa's with a round nolo In tho middle. Thnt nlwnys brings mo visions of Timpson. Ho relieves himself of it dally In the billiard room. "Jackson Isn't so bad. Ho usually puts sorno llttlo mental pearl of this sort on tho market: "'Never mind what thoy tell you, Bllllklns; Just you boar in mind thnt most great men ore born bald.' Jackson Jack-son has more senso than ho knows of. "As I said, though, I'm sick and tired of It all, and now that I've got you all hero I'm going to state my position po-sition clearly: "I'm bald, and I'm glad of It. It's a sign of Intellect and distinction to bo bnld. Think of nil tho panhandlers, handbnggcrs and cutthroats that you know of. Is there n bald head among 'em? Most cortnlnly not. "On tho other hnnd, consider tho statesmen, lawyers, doctors and mon of learning you'vo seen. Every other ono of 'em's a shiny top. "Look at tho hairy men of ancient times. They all went wrong In somo wny or other. Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, and Delilah tangled Samson nil up In his own hair. "But to como down to modern times. When I buy n scat in a theator do I get lost behind a hedgo of pompadours pompa-dours and balcony plllnrs In row Q? "Not I. Mr. Ticket Seller gives ono glnnco nt my naked thought-dome, sees thnt I'm eligible for tho bald-headed bald-headed row and knows I won't bo satisfied sat-isfied with nnythlng else. "Then, again, I never havo nny trouble trou-ble about my hair falling out. And from what I can see, tho falling out of the hnlr causes most men moro worry than fallings-out with their families. fam-ilies. "When I go to get shaved tho barber bar-ber can't talk mo Into having a shampoo sham-poo when I don't want It. And oven If tho Inclination wero mine, which, thank heavens, Is Isn't, I couldn't possibly pos-sibly go round with my head covorcd with hair oil and smelling Hko a musk factory. Now York Sun. |