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Show H 1, GATHEHED-UP SMILES P HUMOROUS STORIES WORTHY OF PERU8AL. H - P 8tranger at the Experience Meet- Ing Old Farmer's Artistic Sllp-Up How Imagination Affects the H 8moker. IH Love Laughs. H -"I'd caro not for honors or wealth," be said, "If your lovo should provo a Ho; td caro not for pleasure or health," ho said; -Td chiefly dcslro to dlo.". "'I'd caro not for homo or for friends, ' H she nald; H "Llfo's Joys would seem a Jest, H "Whon your passion wavers or ends," H sho said, "I shall seek for eternal rest." H Yot to-day ho digs deoply In Nome, they say; H ,.And In politics out thoro ho wins, -Sho rules In a Brooklyn homo, thoy say, .And rocks a cradlo of wins. H dimming Pollock. An Artistic Sllp.Up. The old larmor could ralso excollont produce, but ho had almost no "school-AK "school-AK lng." In fact the old man could not H wrlto or print, and ho was obliged to F resort to a novel schemo to tako his orders. Instead of writing ho would -draw a picture of the vegetable or fruit ordered and besldo It ho would put a figure denoting tho number of quarts, pounds, etc., of tho thing do- sired. Inis scheme worked very well, H .and tho good housowlvcs woro willing -to overlook some mistakes, as tho farmer's produco was much abovo tho -ordinary marko; stuff. But ono good woman was very much mystified ono H -day when tho old man camo In lug- ging a big watermelon. "Why, I did not order that, John," sho said. "Yos, ledeod, you did, ma'am," ho -said, earnestly, "for I drew It In my book. 1 drow tho plcturo and put a H figure ono side of It, meaning ono watermelon." "You've mado somo mlstnko," she 1 -said. "Lot's see your order book." B Ho oponed tho book and triumphant-H triumphant-H ly pointed to a picture. "There It is, H -there's tho watermelon," ho said. "Why, it looks to mo nioro like a H potato," sho said. "Why, it Is, John; -don't you remember, I ordered a peck H -of potatoosT" and the old farmer 1 grinned shamefacedly wlillo tho good Jiousowlfo went off into peals of llaughtor. H Reassuring, . t H H "Don't bo scared, Mr. Bird; I ain't .goln' to shoot you. I only shoot lions .an' tigers and things like that H At the Experience Meeting. "Brethren and sisters," said tho -stranger who had Just, risen, "I want to oonfoss that I was onco tho slave 'Of drink. I" B "Amen! ' Hallelujah I" shouted an H -enthusiastic old lady. H "I was a mere child when I began H to form tho pernicious habit. Per- H 'haps my paronts woro to blamo for K rot looking uftor mo moro carefully, but we will. lot that pass. I grew up lobea young man and my appetlto H (row with me. At last tho demon j obtained such a mastery ovor mo I forgot to mpntlon that it was not tho Demon Rum, but tho Demon Soft - Drink that at the moro sight of a' Pr -confectioner's or a drug store I ox-H ox-H porlenced a mad deslro to rush in and have nn ico cream soda. Romon-B Romon-B strancos had no effect. When I road H in tho paper that in yestorday's hot Hi spoil twelve persons had boon pros-HJ pros-HJ trated by tho heat and flfty-ono by j -the soda fountains I laughed tho warn-j warn-j lng to scorn. But at last my turn j camo. Ono day, after putting away H; .".ftoon glasses of my favorlto bovor-j bovor-j ago, I did not feol well. 1 wont to a H doctor. After I explained matters ho H 4row such a picture of tho futuro Hj -condition of the coats of my stomach HJ that I summoned up all my will pow- HK Or and rAflnlvnrl in rflfnom n .L.i r and resolved to reform from that H moment. Hj "Brothron and sisters, I am a chang H od man. From that hour I have novei K touchod soft drink. Whon tho hot HJ weather comes i ludulgo in boor with moderation, brethren and sisters j that la to say, with as much modera- Kj t,oa you can reasonably oxpect j from a thirsty man In summer. And I I fool, brethron and sistors, like a j lighting cock " K Notwithstanding which statement a f muscular Christian ndvancod upon Sim at tills Junctmo and put him out VM f William B. McKonna. L, A Rejected Favor. Thoy boardod an open trolley cat K Silks, foothors and flowers decked tho f girl, whllo tho young man smoothed K nls now popper-ond-HoIt trousors with' K trifle. 3 Thoy had oyes and ears for oach B uer alono, and, when tho girl rocelv- OK ed a sharp rap on tho shoulder from bohind sho uttered a littlo Bhriok. Eyes flashing, her joung man turned to see a rough, rod-faced follow citizen offorlng a dainty bouquet tied with a knot of bluo ribbon. "Do not notico him at all," tho young man said, with great prosonco cf mind, and looked away. Anothai rap upon her shoulder and sho whispered: "Harry, I think I'll Bay 'No, thank you,' to him. Ho's in toxicated as anything and mny get violont If I lgnoro him." Harry turned and shook his head nt tho man when tho flowers woro thrust forward again. Then thoy wero flung In tho young lady's lap. "Oh, Harry I" sho cried, "I'll faint. Hold mo! Oh, gracious mo, I know sho didn't sow them on tight. It's tho bunch off tho right sldo of my hat." "Stop tho car," roarod tho excited Harry, and thoy left amid tho unconcealed uncon-cealed giggles of their follow passengers. passen-gers. Too Much. Tho wisdom of tho sagct is in her tender eyes, Tho pathos of tho ages Is in her maiden sighs. In her sweet fnco each feature A meaning doth disclose, But. oh, what pon can plcturo Tho sorrow of her noes. Tom Masson. A Love Query. "Say, Alamo, would ycr lovo mo Just der same if I didn't wolk for yer like ills?" An Excellent Reason. "No man shall refuso to drink with mo without giving his reason," said tho enraged Kcntucklan to tho mild-faced mild-faced gentloman besldo him. "But I have two excellent reasons," pleaded tho stranger. "Then namo them." "In tho first place I I promised my mother upon her deathbed that never never " "Enough," said tho Kentucklan, extending ex-tending his hand. "I respoct jour motive. I also have had a mother. But you Bpoko of another reason. May I ask you what it Is?" "My other reason? Oh, yes I Well, I've just had a drink." A Metropolitan Tragedy. Thero was tragody In his eyes. You seo he was very much In love, was poor, but proud. Ho stood facing tho girl, his face set in tho lines of blank despair. Sho looked at him calmly. Thero was a mila regret in her expression nothing more. "You promised mo faithfully," ho said. Not alono In his words but in tho .ntonslty of his voico sho could read a bitter reproach. "I am sorry," sho said simply. "I did not know that you really carod so much. If you would only wait If you would only glvo mo a littlo moro time " "I havo boon waiting longor than most men could bear. My trust; in jou was novcr shaken before. Now, when my hopes have been raised to their highest pitch" But lest tho reader misunderstand wo will explain that tho man was not In lovo with tho girl to whom ho was tnlklng. She Is agent for a laundry and has promised that hla laundry would bo dono that afternoon. Her promlso Is unfulfilled and tho man will not bo nblo to call on Tho niri with whom ho is in lovo. Sadly ho leaves the office of tho laundry fingering tho two dimes which will Just pay for a telegram to Tho Girl, saying that ho Is ill. Railroad Term A Misplaced Switch The Optimist's Scmg. Ufa may bo filled with achos and pains, With wasto and scorning folly; Our path may bo a path of stains, (Blood stains of Molanoholy.) Dull Grief n mighty monarch reigns, Dopot' ig7 Master Jolly; , Yet, como what may, 6no Joy ro mains Tho kiss I stole from Mdlly. A. WWUttlng, |
