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Show I FROM VOCJHB OF BABES. "How old are you, Httle girl?" asked a visitor of 3-year-old Minnie. "I'm not old at all," was the reply. "I'm 'most new." Teacher "To what class of birds does the hawk belong?" Small Pupil "Birds of prey." Teacher "That's right. And where does the quail belong?" Small Pupil "On toast." "I do hope I will grow to be nine feet tc, i said litt;e Tommy- "Why do you wish to be so tall, dear?" asked' his mother. "So when I get in a crowd I can see what is going on," replied Tommy. "What do you think of your new baby brother, Margie?" asked a visitor THE TiJKE TO LAUGH. SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL AND SELECTED. The Irishman and the liicycle The Foes of Kum The Cp-lo-Data lioitou Boy Heard on! the Ice (Sorrowed Witticisms. IT SURELY WAS A BAD CASE. A little man recently walked into a .iry-goods store and said: "I do not know iow to use the telephone. tele-phone. Will you please call up this number? Thank you." "Here is the number. What shall I say to the doctor?'' "Tell him that ius paralyzed pattern is walking around this morning." "Yes." of a little 4-year-old miss. "Not much," was the reply. "Before "Be-fore he came mamma said I was the apple of her eye; now I 'spose I'm nothin' but the core." Johnny (aged 6) "Papa, can I go to the circus this afternoon?" Papa "No, my son. A good boj would not want to go to a circus." Johnny "Then, papa, don't you think I ought to go while I'm bad enough to enjoy it?" j IN BOSTON. j "That I think there is hope for his recovery7 I cut off the hair and put fourteen lly blisters on him last night. I found that his appetite is fine, but he won't touch raw meat. One of his ears fell off during the night and I think he is blind in one eye. I find there is no use in giving him medicine. It makes him howl. Ei3 tongue looks as if it had been put through a wringing machine. What doss he want me to do?" "He says to let the patient alone until he gets downtown. By the wa. Mr. Blank, I don't know your patient, but it must be a sad case." "Yes," said the little man as if looking look-ing for sympathy, according to thb New York Mail and Express, "I think that he was at one time the finest collie col-lie that ever cracked a bone." THE DIFFERENCE. An Irish farmer went into an Iron- f dttl monger's shop to buy a scythe. After serving him the shopman asked him if he would buy a bicycle. "What is that?" inquired the Irishman. Irish-man. "It's a machine to ride' about the town on." "And, shure, what might the price of it be?" . "Fifteen pounds." "I'd rather see fifteen pounds in a cow." , "But what a fool you would look riding round the town on the back of a cow!" "Shure, now," replied the Irishman; "not half such a fool as I'd look trying to milk a bicycle!" FOES OF RUM. The Prohibitionist had assailed the Ueroon Rum mercilessly, and with every ev-ery fresh, ojslangjjve- maj -jyith. the red nose had applauded. "Friend," said the lecturer at last, "you look like one who has been a drinking man." "You bet I haye been, stranerer." re- Miranda Milkweed "Law, child, how'd your head get to be so big?" Emerson Longfellow Beaconstreet "It is caused, madam,' by a superabundance superabund-ance of cerebral cortex in the lower frontal lobe, an ultra vesicular growth of the mid-brain and extraordinary developmental de-velopmental phenomena in the medulla oblongata. This condition has, for its primary causation, excessive intellectual intellec-tual strenuosity." BOKKOWDD WITTICISMS. From JuvenaL "More worlds to conquer," Alexander Lcrfed. -He frets and sweats, pent in the narrow nar-row side Of our cramped universe. Let him go on And reach his destined end. at Babv- ped the man earnestly; "but it does my heart good to see you git out after rum. I never did have no use for it. 'Tain't a fit drink for any man. You can't hammer it too hard for me, an when you're through I've got a bit of old rye here that'll warm your heart up good. I like a man that knows what to hit an' what not to hit." Rain Ahead. Mamma "No, dear, you can't go out tlfls weather. Now, if you'll only promise not to ask me to let you play outdoors I'll get you any toy you want." Tommy "All right. Get me a bow and arrow." HEARD ON THE ICE. Ion; A coffin shall content him. Death alone Your great man's littleness is bold to own. --From "The Queen's Chronicler " by Stephen Gwynn. Mutual Pleasure. First Citizen (stopping passerby) Excuse me, but you have my umbrella. Passer Are you sure it is yours? . First Citizen Indeed, I am, for there are my initials on the handle. Passer Then you are the man I'm looking for; I'm sure you will have no objection to giving me the new umbrella um-brella you took in exchange for this. Richmond Dispatch. Pleasantry In Passing. "Well, declare," remarked the thin man, who was being uncomfortably crowded by a very stout person, "the troiley company ought to charge passengers pas-sengers by weight." "Think so?" retorted the stout per- son. "At that rate it wouldn't be worth their while to take you on at all." Philadelphia Press. They Cost Money. She "Do you find golf a very difficult dif-ficult game?" He "Oh, no! Not after you've acquired ac-quired a little knowledge." She "What do you consider the most difficult things to acquire?" He "The sticks and balls." Philadelphia Phila-delphia Press. When the Temperature Fell. "I'm so worried about Brother Henry," Hen-ry," said Clara to her caller. "I do hope he'll come out all right." "How long was he sent up for?" asked Mr. Hunker, sympathetically. Smart Set Put on Her Mettle. v Sidney "I can always make my wife keep a secret." Rodney "How do you manage that?" Sidney "I start out by telling her that I know she can't keep it." Detroit De-troit Free Press. The Strugrglers Outlook. Dobbs "An artist needs some high ambition to keep his art fervor alive." Daubs "Oh, well, maybe our pictures pic-tures will get worked up into soap advertisements ad-vertisements some of these days." Detroit Free Press. She "Oh, tell me frankly, what shall I do to keep from drowning?" He "Shut your mouth." She "Ugh! You brute! I've a good mind to drown first." THE PULLMAN SLEEPER. "I heard a funny conversation not long ago on a Pullman," said a traveling travel-ing man. "It was bedtime and two ladies near me were getting themselves ready to turn in. They were talking about the inconveniences of it, when I heard one remark: " 'Well, I must say that I do not like these sleeping cars at all.' " 'Oh,' responded the other in a more cheerful frame of mind, 'wait till you have lived awhile in a flat, as I have, and you won't think the sleeping car is so bad, after all.' " |
